Please help SAVE MY LIFE!

August 20, 2015


Sorry I have been so out of touch, but I have had so much going on in my life. I am writing today only because I want to give you a brief update as to what has been happening lately since so much has happened since the last time I wrote. I know that this is going to be very brief, but please understand where I am coming from because after I tell you all that happened, you will understand why it is so short.

Unfortunately there has been a HUGE accident lately. I never thought that this could happen to me and I am now in the biggest battle of my life. I desperately need your help in any way that you can provide…. Such as support, friendship, donation, etc. because right now I am I the biggest battle of my life. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse… it can.

I guess I should stop stalling and spill the beans already. I have had an accident in the kitchen that has left me with a broken hip, femur, and pelvis. The doctors said that to get the fractures that I did… it is literally impossible. But because I am so sick already… anything is possible with me.

Who would have thought that Saturday would have ended up so badly? I was having such a good day too. I actually got ‘made up’ earlier that day with my hair and nails…, which is a rare occasion and even Scooby, had taken a bath and was groomed nicely. To top it off, I also met a great friend who suffers with one of the rare illnesses that I do! I felt on top of the world. However, that was going to change in a matter of hours.

11223566_10101630995289350_8310922524986246995_oWhen my parents came home from work, we were going to have lunch and what do you think happened? I was really happy for a change because of the wonderful day that I was having for a change and when I was coming for lunch, one of the dogs came running out of the kitchen and knocked me down like a bowling ball. It wasn’t Scooby, who is tiny and a little cockapoo. It was Max, my puggle that weighs almost as much as I do, as he weighs like close to 50 lbs.

Gosh if I can turn back the hands of time I definitely would. I would do anything not to have this. I am now in the biggest battle of my life because not only now do I have to overcome these fractures, but it has completely worsened and exacerbated my neurological disease/autonomic dysfunction). So I desperately need your help in getting donations because I desperately need treatments to save my life and we definitely cannot afford it. It is even at the point where I cannot even be left alone and we need money for aides and everything else. Everything is just horrible and I never thought it could get so bad,

After the fall, we went directly to the hospital. For me to say to ‘take me to the hospital,’ you know it had to be bad because I never ever go to the hospital because they cannot ever help me. But this time I had no other choice. I knew something was wrong. My dad wanted to call 911 and get an ambulance because I couldn’t get into the car, but I knew that would only leave me in a hospital that I would really be in bad shape at. So I knew that I would at the very least have to force myself into the car so that I could at least get to a somewhat decent hospital that could somewhat take care of me. There was no other choice.

11845233_10101650824261930_1404286455280476864_oOf course I brought Scooby with us. Scooby comes everywhere with me. He is my security dog and when I had him in the hospital, he made a world of difference. You can’t imagine how much he helped with the pain and how he helped me to do the stuff that was unbearable because I knew that I had to be strong for him and he was there to take care of me too . He is one amazing dog.

He is so smart, so well behaved, and so loving and caring. Everyone was shocked with how well behaved he was and how great of a dog he was. Everyone was calling him a ‘little teddy bear’ and coming to see him. He was really keeping me calm and he also knew where it hurt and protected me too. He was something else.

When the doctor came in, he said that I had broken my pelvis, hip, and femur and that the only thing that I could do is have surgery. He said that without surgery, I would be ‘bedbound’ forever. I knew that I couldn’t let that happen. So I knew that I had no other choice but to go through with the surgery. Yet, I am not in the best condition to undergo surgery, as my organs are shutting down and my bloods are a mess and so is everything else.

Before the doctor took me into surgery, my head surgeon conducted many consultations with other doctors in the hospital and with my other doctors as well because they didn’t know what to do because they knew how desperately I needed the surgery but they also knew how frail and fragile I was too. All the doctors told my head surgeon that if he takes me into surgery, I would never make it out. They all said I would die on the table. But, I didn’t have a choice… after all I went through in my life…I was not going to now be ‘bedbound!’ Whatever was going to happen was going to happen.

The docs tried for 2 days to pump me up with enough fluids and nutrients to try to give me the best chance to survive the operation. But they stated that they only had a 48-hour window for something like this so we had a deadline. On Monday, I was operated.

11834741_10101636841333830_7655364481965637313_oDad and Scooby stayed in the hospital around the clock 24/7. I can’t thank them enough for all that they did. I couldn’t believe that they actually never left the hospital all the time that I was there. You can’t imagine the difference that made in me. Dad was there to constantly help me and Scooby did a wonderful job making me feel better. In fact, Scooby became the first dog to go into the OR and when I came out of the operating room, they even brought him into the recovery room for me. He never left my side. Everyone in the hospital got to know Scooby and came running all over the place to see him. He would be going outside and you would hear in the hallway… “There’s Scooby!” He became so popular that I was going to make him an Instagram page.

Scooby and dad also bonded a lot during this time. I never saw dad fall in love with a dog so much. Well after all, he did have to take care of him because I couldn’t. He had to feed him and take him out because I was not able to do so. Dad ended up teaching Scooby so many things when we were at the hospital because Scooby is such a fast learner. He would take Scooby on walks and come back to the room with news of something ‘new’ that Scooby has done like go up and down stairs.

11705813_10101637310478660_2372319220941174179_oDad also learned a lot. He learned how to use hand signals and how to get Scooby to listen to him. He always was in awe of how his trainer would get him to listen and me too, but he couldn’t. So during the time we were in the hospital, dad also learned how to communicate with Scooby using hand signals and everything. So that was one of dad’s favorite things to do. He loved getting Scooby to listen to him and get him to do stuff like tricks and everything.

Omg… wanna hear something hilarious? When one of the doctors came into the room, the doctor was talking using his hands and he was actually making the dog go crazy. Scooby knows hand signals and with the ways that the doc was waving his hands, he was giving different hand signals to Scooby and making him go crazy. It was so funny.

This was the worst surgery you can ever imagine. Due to my complexity of situation, the docs didn’t really want to do it under general anesthesia because they thought it was too risky. So they did it under epidural and therefore, I was kinda up for it. OMG… I wanted to die. When I told my doctors about how it was under ‘epidural,’ my doctors said that this is the worst kind of surgery to have.

I wanted to die. This surgery hurt so bad. By the end of the surgery, I couldn’t take it anymore. When they were closing me up and stapling me closed, I was begging them to get out of there. It was so entirely painful. They placed over 50 staples in me and I am cut from the waist to the knee.

11794522_10101634532380990_5359135636382356603_oI am now officially the bionic woman. I have a rod in my thigh, screws, plates, etc. It never ends. Do you remember the toys known as KNEX? That is what I look like now. The doctor said that when they were putting the screws into me that it was like drilling into butter. I am so sick and weak that he compared my bones to butter. So even though the doc said it can’t happen most likely, I am scared that the screws are going to pop out.

I feel so helpless now. As much as I try… I feel defeated. I desperately need help and unfortunately a lot of it is going to depend on funds and treatments that we can’t afford. So if there is anything that you can do to help me, I would really appreciate it. Now besides having my neurological illness to take care of because my autonomic dysfunction has severely worsened, I have to deal with learning to walk all over again and move. I feel like a little baby trying to walk all over again.

Luckily I have my dad to help me because he has been carrying me to my bedroom and helping me a ton because we desperately need help, yet it all costs money… money that we don’t have. So he has been doing as much as he can in the meantime.

11703584_10101636840909680_6292808522680495108_oI have already fallen two times and thankfully those 2 times I haven’t down any significant damage. I get so scared when I fall because I am so afraid that all the hard work that I accomplished already is going to disappear and that I am going to have to do this all again. I would never and could never do this again.

In addition to learning how to walk and heal, I am also getting severe pitted edema. My legs are so heavy and full of water that I can barely lift them. In fact, that is why one of the times I ended up falling. The fall really exacerbated my neurological illness in such a way that I need ketamine and help in the worst way possible so that it could hopefully slow down and reverse whatever damage occurred. Time is of the essence with that too because the longer you wait… the less chance of that happening.

In fact, the disease has worsened so much and caused so much edema and lack of circulation that my legs look like ‘elephant’ legs. The docs freaked out right away about it because not only was it sooooo swollen but of course it was soooo discolored and blue and cold. It really showed lack of circulation. Even though I knew deep down that it was nothing but the autonomic dysfunction and neurolofica disease acting up, I still was nervous too. They all thought maybe I was having a clot and therefore, the doctors sent me the other day for a Doppler study to rule out a clot in my veins because that is something that could kill me instantly. Luckily, it was not that.

But never a dull moment. I am always hitting brick walls. My surgeon wants me to take a regular aspirin, which is 325 mg twice a day because they are scared that I am going to develop a clot since I am not moving as much, but on the other extreme, my other doctors don’t want me to take that because they said that I am going to perforate my stomach and that is going to be the last thing that we need. They rather me just go on a baby aspirin, which is 81 mg. twice a day. It is a big difference and I don’t know which is the right thing to do. Never a dull moment.

So I guess that is it. If you can please help me in any shape or form… whether it is through encouragement or donations, I would really appreciate it. I am really fighting for my life harder than ever and I need all the help and support that I need. I also need donations more than ever because I desperately need treatments more than ever. Not only do I have to get to the Cleveland Clinic to get my colon removed like before, but I now have to overcome this too.

11888632_10101643210599770_2256033827091659344_oI have to have many different types of treatments to overcome this disaster now too. So I am in even more hot water than before. Not only do I need physical treatments such as ketamine and everything else, but I also now need someone with me to stay at the house because I am not able to do by myself. At least before when I was sick I could still stay somewhat by myself. But now… it is literally impossible because I can’t even get in and out of a chair or bed without help. I have a wheelchair, a walker, and even a hospital bed in our living room. Who would even think I would be using a commode? I am just falling apart and I need help to get my life back together. I also need PT now and it just never ends.11807550_10101635539782150_3312524574922990252_o

Well.. I guess that will be it. I hope you can understand where I am coming from and I hope you will find it in your heart to help me. If you can please donate or pass word on that donations are desperately needed, I would really appreciate it. Please spread my link and help me at www.gofundme.com/help4Fallon. Any questions, please feel free to email me at Femirsky@gmail.com.



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July 25, 2015

11665503_10101604914156150_3042578884743741828_nIt just shows that you can “run but you can’t hide” from an illness. I know that I haven’t written in a very long time, but it wasn’t because things were all “peachy” or getting better. However, I was just running from my illness because I was tired of being sick. For once… I wanted to feel what it felt to be “normal” again!

Yet, I have realized especially with how I am feeling and especially after what happened the other day with my dad saving my life, I needed to write a blog to get everyone up-to-date on what is happening because things have obviously gone really downhill despite the fact that I have tried to “run” from this illness and conceal the fact that I am ill. I have been extremely ill and I honestly don’t know how much I am going to be able to write but I will do my best.

First off, I will let you know what prompted me to get off my butt and write this. Although I have had so many good things happen to me and I just wanted to be normal, I was reminded this week megaly that it is only physically that I “look” better and in reality… I need to get medical treatment and get to Ohio ASAP because time is definitely not on my side. I desperately need as much help as possible so that I can get the necessary funds so that I can get the life threatening treatment to save my life. My body is shutting down big time and I am at the point that my bloods are not even registering. I am living in DANGER big time!!

11401503_10101583249507280_8362096699535169975_nMy bloods have been dropping for a while, but they basically always ‘registered.’ Yet, I am at the point now that now aren’t more organs failing and more blood values dropping and being out of whack, but they aren’t even registering on the lab values. I desperately belong in the hospital, but unfortunately the only hospitals that can help me really are ones we cannot afford. So if you can please help in any way possible, I would really appreciate it.

Doctors have really never seen a patient like me… someone walking around with blood values off the chart. I am really scared because one of the values that are really low is my heart level. I am so scared my heart is going to give out. My whole entire body feels so weak… especially my heart. After all… you are only given one heart and once that goes…. You are done!! I am literally walking the slimmest line ever and this line is going to break. I am like a grenade that was detonated and we are almost at the point of detonation. Yet, I can’t have that happen. I haven’t lived my life yet. There is so much that I have to still do and so much that I want to live for. But the truth is that without help… that is all going to not even be a possibility.

My bloods are so bad that not only are my organs shutting down, but my heart is so prone to going into cardiac arrest and dying as well. So we really have to be careful in everything that we do. I can no longer eat or drink anything. Just the sight or smell of food or drinks makes me nauseous and I want to gag and vomit. I know I was barely able to eat before, but even those littlest things that I had before like the ice cream and ice-pops are impossible to have. It’s a shame too because those ice pops were one of the ways that I took my heart mediations that were so essential for me. I have been having trouble swallowing all my pills for a while, but now it is literally impossible to even get down one. I don’t know what is happening to me. To tell you the truth, the only thing that I actually enjoy eating is pickles and saucy cheese that you have on pizza. I don’t like the bread, but I like the sauce and cheese. I am just a complete mess. But I am so thirsty, and yet… I can’t find anything to appease my thirst without making me nauseous… not even ice pops. I am just one huge hot mess.

I was reminded of that this week because my dad literally had to save my life this week. I have been getting infusions of medications and potassium and other good stuff that I desperately need now when I get the ketamine weekly. Well… this week my dad was watching the machines that were on my monitoring my blood pressure and pulse and guess what? My pulse started going way up.   Even though the machines were beeping because of the emergency alarm, no one was coming and it took the quick thinking of my dad to get the doctors because of what was occurring. When the doctors came in my pulse was way over 120…. And this is coming from someone whose pulse is normally in the 40s remember? So this was extremely dangerous. So I was having some kind of reaction. The doctors had to take action immediately and even give me extra stuff in the IV to bring my numbers down. I never had a reaction like this and it is weird because nothing was really different except for the fact that I am ‘sicker.’ So I can’t thank my dad for what he did because I really could have stroked out or something else could have happened. Like I always said… my dad is my knight and shining armor and my “superman!” He is my dad, best friend, and hero.

I also had to go to see another doctor today because when I went to get my colon cleaned this week, the doctor did an endoscopy as well because I was complaining about a pill being stuck in it. Due to my severe gastroparesis, my esophagus is getting extremely bad and it is getting impossible to swallow things. Well, not only did they find the pill that I had stuck in my esophagus, but they found another marking on my vocal cords. So I had to get that checked out. Turns out that when I went to the throat doctor today, it was a “blood blister” which I have been getting a lot of. However, usually I get them just in my mouth. To have them now on my vocal cords and possibly down my esophagus…. It is not a good sign.

I desperately need help. I am deteriorating like crazy. My weight is plummeting and my teeth are even falling out. I am getting even embarrassed to smile because of what my teeth look like. My teeth have looked awful for awhile, but now that I am starting to actually “lose” my front teeth…. That is something I can’t tolerate. I have other teeth missing and spaces, but to have it now happening in the front (where it is extremely obvious)… I have to get something done. I can’t let this happen. It is bad enough to be sick.   But to look sick and look like an ‘ogre’… that is something else.

I have learned that sometimes you feel as you look. For example, the better you look… the better you feel. That is why I am so self-conscious on how I look. I make sure that everyday I wear makeup and fix myself up to the best way possible because I know that if you look good, you feel good. Plus, I don’t want people to know how sick I really am, so I try to conceal it with all this ‘fixing’ myself up. So now that I am having my weight even plummet more after I already look like an emaciated skeleton and then my teeth worsening the way that they are… it is also taking a huge toll on my psychological health as well. I just want to be ‘pretty’ and be normal. But with what is happening to me now… it is getting harder and impossible to be that way.

So I am begging… please help me get the treatments that I desperately need. I am supposed to leave for Ohio to meet with the surgeons to have that huge surgery to remove my GI system (especially my colon) on September 1st. I am also scheduled to go to Nebraska in September as well, as they want me there too. Those hospitals are the only two hospitals basically left and willing and able to care for me. So it is imperative that we get the funds for these trips so that we can go. Then when I have the surgery, which would be right after, I will be there for at least a month and we definitely need help in paying for that. So please help. Please help me find a way of paying for these trips, these treatments, and the current treatments to keep me alive until then. I know I sound like a broken record, but I am pleading for my life. I am desperate. Remember… any donations can be sent to www.gofundme.com/help4Fallon and any suggestions can be sent to Femirsky@gmail.com.

Since we didn’t have the funds for treatments and I really was starting to believe that there was no “hope” for getting better because despite my pleading the amount of donations we were receiving were not coming nearly enough or even remotely close to what we needed. I really appreciate all that has contributed and have helped because I definitely wouldn’t have lasted this long without you. But since I didn’t have enough, I did the most that I could with the treatments that I could do with the money that was donated and then I tried my own technique of pretending “not to be sick” in hopes to enjoy life and perhaps make that maybe a true reality. But it just showed me one thing in life… you can run but you can’t hide.

11700801_10101613894823820_7636675229780936552_oI really tried to be happy and normal for the past month or so. I was very fortunate for someone donating a wonderful dog to me. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me, as he became my BEST friend. He became the kid that I never will have. It was a great surprise to me and it was decided that this dog will be trained as a “service dog” for me to help me out. In this way, he not only can help me in the ways that I need, but he will be able to go with me everywhere including the hospitals. He really is one amazing pup.

This was one of the smartest moves I ever made. I have posted pictures of him on Facebook and I will post some at the end of this. If you have been on Facebook, I am sure that you have seen him because I have taken like a gazillion pictures of him. He is so photogenic and cute. Of course the pictures that I am in are of course photo shopped because I won’t put anything on Facebook without it being airbrushed and photo shopped because I don’t want to look ugly or sick or anything; I just want to look normal and I hate the way I look.

11402729_10101591612348080_2271950151865153770_nHis name is Scooby Doo and he is registered as a Service Dog even though he is still in training. He is a cockatoo and he is one amazing pup. He is currently 4 months old and I can’t tell you how much I love this little guy and how much joy he has brought into my life. He has been the kid I never have had and probably will never get to have. At least now it gave me something to smile about, post pictures of, and be happy about. My mom laughs because I treat him so good. She says that I treat him like a baby more than a dog. But I don’t care. He is mine and I am going to “baby” him all the way.

Scooby really is some dog. I have had some wonderful times and a great amount of happiness in the past month. He has perfect temperament and people who have met him even have said that they would “take him if I didn’t want him.” I was even offered money for him, but there is no amount of money that can take him away from me.  He is mine!! I have clothes for him, bows, a stroller, and even one of those things that you wear around your back and you can put him in so that you can have your hands free while you carry him on you. I even have a car seat for him. Thanks to everyone for the donating.

10986453_10101620925399490_8619025685723639319_nScooby really got attached to me. In fact, he even has ‘separation anxiety’ with me because he was taken from his mom too early. I one time looked up where he came from because the person who gave him to me originally got him from breeders obviously and they were in Missouri. When I looked them up…. I was appalled by the conditions that were there. It was like a puppy mill. They had so many citations against them that I am so glad that he is now here and living I a much better environment.

I can’t really write that much now but be on the lookout for some “Scooby” stories. All I know is that he really loves me and I can’t get away fro him. Leave him, he will literally scream at the top of the lungs until he sees me. He just can’t stay away.

Scooby loves the computer. In fact when he sees it, he even tries to type on it. He really is so funny and smart.

11234933_10101619583309050_7286576532265281275_oIn fact I didn’t realize how much Scooby really knew and understood until these past few days. When I became sicker than ever… I have been giving him commands and he has really been listening and obeying them. I am really shocked.

Well…gonna get going because not doing well. Thanks again for all your support. Just wanted to give a little update and let you know why I have bee so out of touch. Also was hoping and praying that you might be able to help me find a way to get the necessary funds so that I can get the life-saving treatments that I desperately need because time is extremely crucial. I am at the point where I can’t eat anything; my weight is plummeting faster than ever (I would hate to start going into the 50 range), etc.

Remember… any donations can be sent to www.gofundme.com/help4Fallon and any suggestions can be sent to Femirsky@gmail.com.

Thanks again for everything.

– Fallon


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June 1, 2015

11222210_10101553360734620_2345703925925083448_oHi! Before I begin my latest update, please let me apologize for not writing sooner. I have been not doing well, and unfortunately, I am so weak that I haven’t even had the energy to write an update! That being said… please understand if this ‘update’ is a little brief, vague, and possibly unfinished. I am just starting the blog and even though so much has happened and II would like to tell you everything with all the details and everything… I just don’t know if that will be possible. I am just hoping to be able to finish this update.

Since the last update that I posted, I never thought that it could possibly get worse from there. I have gotten so extremely weak and the illness robbing and taking everything from me as we speak because it is just spreading and taking over.

As of the current moment, we are just taking one moment at a time and one second at time. We never know where I will be from one day to the next, as I desperately need to be hospitalized because I am severely deteriorating. Among other things that are developing, my bloods are dropping, I cannot eat or drink, and have been feeling and smelling thing that I never have ever before.

11165098_10101536620272640_3879898923458870974_oThere has been such a BIG change in me that has led me down the path of disaster if something is not done fast. I desperately need to be in a hospital because I need my colon taken out, my blood raised, a transplant, etc. but unfortunately, there is no hospital willing to take me (especially in the are) that will be able to help me.

It is said, “hospitals can’t refuse a person.” Yet, let me say that statement is only somewhat true. When I go to a hospital, they tell me don’t come back or discharge me because they say, “there is nothing more that they can do and I need to go a place that can better suit my needs.” I am so complicated and fragile that not only do doctors and many hospitals not know how to deal with me, but also I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars for hospitals not “accepting” me because going to the wrong place can greatly hurt me. Going to a hospital or a doctor that is not knowledgeable and capable to caring for my fragile and complicated condition can actually make me worse and therefore, I definitely can’t afford for that to happen because once something happens, it isn’t always reversible. Plus… the wrong thing being done or even the wrong decision made can even kill me. So that is why it is so important to be at a place that can help me and be able to deal with my complicated health. That is why it is so important that I need your help because there are no hospitals in the local area that can do this and my only help is going across country to hospitals that can do this. The clock is ticking and I am like a time bomb waiting to go off.

Unfortunately I have deteriorated to the point that I need top specialists in various fields to care for me because I am so fragile. Very few doctors are even wiling to work on me because of how fragile I am, but yet, I definitely need help. You can’t imagine how many times I have called doctors and have been turned away because I am too “bad” for them and they said that I need a “better” doctor.

10941830_10101469922550410_1172399970812515807_nI have been fortunate to find 2 hospitals that have specialists that are willing to help me. It is basically my last shot. It has even gotten to the point that some doctors have even suggested “hospice” if I can’t afford the treatment that I need to get better because it is getting to the point that no one in the entire country is willing to work on me because of my fragile state. So that is something that I definitely DON’T want and I want to do everything to prevent that. Once hospice is called, I know it is all done from there. All my dreams of getting better and becoming a doctor and having a family and “living” are all going to be officially done. There is no way that I am going to let that happen.

So I am going to do whatever it takes to get the treatment that I desperately need before it is too late and I am hoping that you will help. If you can please help donate or help me to raise money by having any fundraisers, I would extremely appreciate it. I desperately need to get this treatment and I need to get it NOW! Time is extremely crucial. Even though I have been battling this illness for quite some time now, which is something that the doctors never thought I would do, I am not ready to throw the towel in now. I am a figurer and I am NOT going to give up. So please…. If there is something that you can do to help me get the treatments that I need so desperately and deserve… I would really appreciate it.

I need to get the funds so that I can get to NEBRASKA MEDICAL CENTER or UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA MEDICAL CENTER. These two hospitals are my last options and have the experience, knowledge, and capability of my illness to be able to take care of me. Yet, I need to be able to get there and unfortunately we won’t be able to do this without the help of others. I just came back from California and unfortunately the care that I would need because of the complicated state that I am in cannot be attained at that hospital. That is why I am being sent to these two other hospitals. After investigation, my doctor said that these places would be my best bets. So this is now what I am up against. I need to find the money for these hospitals because these are where the best doctors are and my only chances.

11206868_10101539604357510_6909620548668059541_oMy colon has been paralyzed for a while. It has been leaking toxins and everything into my blood stream and they have been going to my organs… essentially shutting them down. My colon is extremely ‘dead’ that nothing passes through and therefore everything just “sits and rots” in the colon. That is why I need to go every week for surgery to have my intestines cleaned out because not only can I not pass things through, but we also have to try to alleviate these toxins because they can easily perforate my intestines and I will go into sepsis. If that occurs, I will be up the creek and in further problems. So I go every week in the OR to have my colon cleaned. This is definitely not a life to live.

In addition, my colon is so diseased and has intussusceptions or twists. I don’t know if I should say that I am lucky or unlucky about this, but my colon is so huge and dilated (which of course it shouldn’t be) that I have been able to live with these twists and intussusceptions. Usually a twist in the colon or an intussusception would be a cause for emergency surgery, but since my intestines are so huge and dilated, I have been able to live like this to a point. My colon is so big and floppy that it takes over 5 doctors to navigate my colon because it has to be help and everything. In addition, just to get to the cecum, it will take over 2 hours, which is really a LONG time.

11078236_10101537818745890_8520432932121771099_oBut it has now gotten to the point where we think that my colon has become obstructed in such a way that I need surgery immediately. No longer can I live with these twists and intussusceptions. I can’t go to the bathroom and I am extremely nauseous. I am not hungry for anything and can’t even get the simplest thing down. Even my pills that I need to take in order to live are impossible to take and I can’t even take my medicated ice-pops, which should be so easily to take because they are basically “ices!” I couldn’t eat before and now even the little things that I could manage to get down… I can’t even get them down. You know it is bad when you can’t even get down ice-pops.

In addition, they also discovered that my esophagus has aperistaltic. We always knew I had swallowing problems and that my esophagus was affected with the Gastroparesis, but it has been officially confirmed that it is “aperistalstic.” They have also discovered that I have a hiatal hernia and to have this on top of the colon, I am basically a disaster. Now not only do I require an emergency colectomy but I need now surgery on my esophagus as well.

As stated before, I need to be in a hospital where I can get the emergency colectomy that I need and now surgery on my esophagus. I also need to have an intestinal transplant. There are very few hospitals in the United States that have intestinal transplants, as there are only about 6. Not only do I need to be at those hospitals because they have the transplants and surgeries that I require, but those are also the hospitals where you find the top-doctors who deal with problems that I have ad where they are used to dealing with patients like me because that is their job. Their job is to transplant patients when they get as sick as me…. So they are used the task and complicated nature that I pose to them. You know?
That is why I need to get to NEBRASKA MEDICAL CENTER in Omaha or to the UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER. They are my last two options basically and have the surgeons capable of handling me because no longer am I strong enough for any transplant doctor or team to care for me. I need to be in a place where there are TOP-NOTCH specialists in various fields because my health is deteriorating to the point that I need al hands on deck. This disease has taken over my ENTIRE body that I need all different specialists in order to get well (heart, lung, neurology, GI, etc.).

So we are praying that we get to the hospital as soon as possible. If you can please help us by donating or spreading the word or even saying a simple prayer, we would greatly appreciate it. Donations can be sent to www.gofundme.com/help4Fallon and if you need to contact us with any questions or have any fundraising ideas, please feel free to do so at Femirsky@gmail.com.

Please help because I am literally watching myself die. I am experiencing things and smelling things that I never had before. I can barely get out of bed because I am so weak. To be honest, we have to do so much laundry too because I can’t control the mucous that continues to leak out, which forces me to have to wear “diapers/pull ups!” In a way thank goodness I am so small because I am able to fit into the kid diapers/pull-ups so that I am not stuck wearing those ugly depends that adults have to wear and would make me feel even more self conscious and embarrassed than I already do. I am so embarrassed by having say that I have to wear these because what person my age should have to worry about wearing diapers? It just isn’t fair. This disease is just taking everything.

11187373_10101537815746900_9177675661057062622_oI am also collapsing everywhere. Thank goodness that my dad is around because I can’t tell you enough how many times he has had to pick me up off the ground. I am losing weight and getting so weak that I just pass out. Even just trying to go to the bathroom is using too much energy and therefore I end up “passing out” when I try to go to the bathroom. I can’t tell you how many times I have fallen and banged my head already on the tiled floor. Things have definitely not been good.

Breathing has also been difficult. I am aspirating like crazy and it is at the point that the more I drink, the worse I aspirate. Yet, I am so thirsty and nothing quenches my thirst. I also am so nauseous as well and it even makes it harder in drinking anything.

My bloods are falling and the labs keep calling my doctors and telling them how I am in a “medical emergency!” I desperately need to be in the hospital because my heart can easily give out, but unfortunately, as I stated before I just can’t go to any hospital. So that is another reason why we need to get the funds ASAP so we can get me hospitalized because once the heart goes… that is it… and the disease is already affecting that too now.

I also get these really intense headaches that I can’t lift up my head. My eyes get extremely a lot of fullness in them and I have trouble seeing. We know the disease has affected my eyes already and that is why I have “prisms” in my glasses, but it is so annoying having this “fullness” feeling in my eyes and not being able to see. The doctors say that I should wear my glasses as much as possible because it would take some of the pressure off, but I only have like one pair and the cost of glasses is extremely expensive, as the lenses alone will cost me over $1000 because of the special prisms which is something that we can’t afford. Usually a person can live with one pair of glasses, but in my case… it is so hard because they keep bending out of proportion because I fall asleep on them. Then once they bend, I can’t really use them until the eye doctor fixes them, which leaves me nothing to use in the interim.

I’ve noticed that whenever the autonomic dysfunction acts up… I feel worse than every. That is when I especially can’t lift up my head, I can’t see out of my eyes, and I get so nauseous. I have gotten nauseous in the past, but nothing like this. I can’t even put into words how nauseous I am and what I feel.

It is at the point that all I want to do is “sleep!” But I know that is not the answer. I know that I have to push myself because even though it is much easier to “give in” and just sleep the day away, I can’t do that because it won’t be good. It will only weaken me further and I can’t allow that to happen. After all, if you give an inch to this illness… this illness takes a foot. I can’t afford for this disease to take anything else from me, as it stole so much already.

I would do anything to be normal again. I constantly dream of the day that I will regain my life and be “normal!” I look at other people and I get so ‘jealous’ because they can have friends, walk, eat, workout, go to school, go to a career, have a social life, etc. I am not going to lie… it really does hurt. I worked so hard in high school with aspirations to become a doctor. I thought I had my life figured out planned out. I really wanted to make a difference in the world and wanted to become a doctor with a family and everything. Yet, never did I think that I would be struck with something like this that would rob me of everything that I had.   It really is true when they say, “health is wealth!”

ImageNow I don’t even have anything to smile about because this disease has taken everything from me. I hate to even smile too because of the way I look. I look like an emaciated skeleton and my smile is something that scares me. This disease has caused damage to my jaw and teeth that I am so self-conscious to even smile. I need so much work on my mouth both because it is needed and cosmetic, but it is something that as can’t afford as well. But if someone can help me to “smile” again, I would really appreciate it because I even hate to look in the mirror because my smile looks absolutely hideous. To think… I was once a very happy and joyful person who smiled all the time. Now I hate to even to do that because I am afraid I am going to scare people away. I look like an ogre or some type of creature between how skinny I am (as I look emaciated) and how I change colors (due to my Autonomic Dysfunction) and then because of my smile.

I would do anything to be able to smile again. But in order to do that, I need a lot of work that we can’t afford. In addition, I first have to worry about the disease in my mouth too, which is something we can’t afford and is further ruining my smile. That is another reason why I need your help. My mouth and teeth are just falling out and deteriorating because of my illness that if something isn’t done soon, I won’t even have teeth or a jaw to eat with. This is something that I shouldn’t have to worry about at my age.

It is just getting worse and worse. To top everything off… it is basically at the point that when we do travel to the hospitals in Nebraska and Minnesota, I am basically getting too sick to fly commercial especially now with that huge possibility of the obstruction in the colon. Therefore, I need to take an Emergency plane to get there which will cost us a lot of money ($30,000) and we don’t know how on earth we are going to afford that. We tried to get the insurance company to pay for it, but unfortunately they are only helpful when you don’t need them.

This whole world is about money and I honestly can’t take it. I always wonder what it would be like if “money” didn’t exist. I know I probably wouldn’t be up the creek like I am now. I probably would have been long better by now. But unfortunately this whole entire world relies on it and if you aren’t fortunate to have it… you basically are out of luck in so many ways including getting the necessary help you need when you are sick and dying.


An old picture before I got sick of me happy, healthy, smiling, and dancing with my dad!

It is so sad because I look at my dad for help and he wants to get me well so badly. He keeps telling me that I am going to get well, and he is “not going to let me die,” but we know that it is out of his hands. He is doing whatever he can to try to raise the money that we need and working so hard to pay the bills, but it just isn’t possible to do so. The treatments are too costly, the bills are too great and my dad working so hard is really scaring me because even though I know how badly he wants to get me well… he is no youngster and I don’t want to see him having a heart attack or dying in the process. He works himself around the clock and only gets 4 hours a sleep between working and taking care of me and even though my dad thinks he is “superman”… I would never forgive myself if anything ever happened to him. There is only so much a person can take and he is beyond that. He really needs to rest. Yet he keeps promising me how he is “not going to let me die!” Nothing hurts me more than looking into his eyes and seeing how hard he wants to help me, but his hands are tied.

So it is everyone who cares about me to make a difference and help me to get well because we can’t afford it by ourselves. Please help. I need you more than ever. Please help me by donating, spreading this link, or even praying for me. Remember that no donation is ever too small and all donations are extremely appreciated.

To keep myself as normal as possible, I have been trying to read and color. A book from my favorite author, Sophie Kinsella, is being released tomorrow (Tuesday). I can’t wait to get it because I love all her books. Maybe that will help bring some happiness into my life and pass the time.

Well… I am basically out of all my strength. I am ending the update here, but if I find anything further out, I will let you know. If you can please help me, I would really appreciate it too. Thanks for all your support and thanks for helping me and standing behind me. I wouldn’t have made it this far without out.

Thanks again.



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May 7, 2015


Sorry that it has been awhile and I haven’t written, but things haven’t been going too well. Plus… a lot and I mean A LOT has been happening and I haven’t known where this roller coaster was going to stop. I didn’t want to write about things to only give you false information or to have to correct anything. So I thought I would let the smoke clear out and get all the facts straight before I went and said anything.

The smoke is still clearing and the dust is still settling, but I do have news to share and unfortunately, the news isn’t so ‘good!’ As you might have heard, I will hopefully be leaving Sunday for California. I know… you are probably wondering, “Whatever happened to Cleveland Clinic?” So I figured I would get this out into the open and answer this question right off the back.

The fact is that the surgeons at the Cleveland Clinic backed out and I have gotten way to sick and “fragile” to go there. Unlike other hospitals, the actual surgeon that is actually going to be doing the surgery on you doesn’t admit you. You need other doctors such as a “regular” med-team to be the admitting physicians. Therefore, after I waited so long to be admitted due to the facts that I had no money to have all these complicated surgeries and live down there for that amount of time, I deteriorated immensely. That being said… the admitting team refuses to admit me despite the fact that my head surgeon is still willing to do the surgeries on me. Yet, since the hospital doesn’t give the surgeons in the hospital technically “admitting” privileges… I am kind of out of luck because no one wants to take my case on.

Doctors think that I am way too fragile, complex, and complicated for them. Even though my transplant team and head anesthesiologist has assured them that they would be doing everything and just needed them to “admit” me and to do the regular daily stuff like the blood work and everything that a “normal” patient would receive on a day-to-day basis, they still refuse to do it because they feel I will need more care than that and they don’t want to be bothered. So despite all the pleading and begging, and even though my surgeon wants to pull the trigger because if I don’t do it now it will be hopeless, the I still need the admitting doctors and they don’t want to do it. So my surgeon’s hands are technically tied and I have no other choice but to not to have the surgery there. I would never have thought even in the first place that I wouldn’t be admitted under my surgeon. I thought that since I would have him as my head doc, I would be admitted under him… just like I have always done in New York, California, etc. I guess this is how they keep their hospital working on a sufficient basis and keep each working and focusing in their field. They don’t have to worry about doing anything else but what they are trained and ‘hired’ to do. You know? I can see where they are going with this thinking, but I am not quite sure if I agree with them.

So that still leaves me though with no doctor and it leaves me not receiving the life saving treatment that I desperately need. I don’t understand why this whole world has to depend on money. If it wasn’t for money, we would have been able to afford the surgeries that I needed at the Cleveland Clinic and I wouldn’t be up in this predicament. I wouldn’t have deteriorated in this way in the time we needed to try to get the money and as a result, the “admitting” team wouldn’t have chickened out. But… apparently this isn’t the world we live in and as a result, I am now forced to move on.

I can’t stop walking, but have to keep going. I don’t know where I am “walking,” but I know that I am still walking. The doctors in the meantime only gave me 6-8 weeks left because of the way my body and organs are functioning. I did notice a lot of different things that are occurring that I never experienced before, so to be honest… it is scaring me a lot. I am a very complicated individual and I do need a very complicated and radical procedure. It is very difficult to find a hospital and surgeon that is competent and able to do these surgeries and able to handle me as well.

But my team has pointed me in two directions to go into. They pointed me to a top surgeon in California called Zuri Murell and to the Mayo Clinic. They are both the only hospitals really capable of handling me. These doctors are very fine physicians and were possibilities we were thinking about going to see besides the Cleveland Clinic in the beginning, but what made us go to the Cleveland Clinic was that it was the ‘cheaper’ route. So I am scared now that if I couldn’t afford Cleveland, how am I on earth going to afford these other doctors. I know I am desperately running out of time by the way I am looking, feeling, and the way doctors have told me. I don’t know how I am going to do this especially when I have to find ways of coming up with even more funds since they will be costing more than the Cleveland Clinic. Whereas the insurance company did pay a part of what was happening at the Cleveland Clinic, we will be responsible for the total cost at the Mayo Clinic and if we go with Dr. Zuri Murell in California.

10425446_10101534121560080_3286790390520583223_n I don’t know how on earth this is going to happen. We will have to pay for everything from traveling arrangements, to doctor fees, to hospital fees, etc. I don’t even have “out-of-network” benefits, and therefore, I have nothing to take the burden off of us. But this is like the only and last place we can turn to. We are kind of out of luck after this and the clock is ticking down. I am like a grenade and I have been detonated. I only hope that I will receive the necessary donations/funds that I will need to be able to have these lifesaving surgeries and all hope is not lost. There is so much people in the world and if everyone would just donate even a $1…. I would be ok. I just need help and I need to find the kindness in everyone to help make that happen. I really appreciate and thank all the people that have helped me previously but this operation is going to be astronomical especially when everything is going to be out-of-pocket and I am going to have to live there for a while. It is especially going to be tough because dad will have to be with me therefore awhile and he won’t be able to work either. I have already seen what has happened if I have to “wait” because I don’t have the money and to be honest with you… I don’t have the time for that anymore.

I don’t have the time to postpone surgery anymore. My body and organs can’t take it anymore. I am in so much pain and my organs are shutting down. I can barely function and even have to wear diapers because my GI system isn’t working. I am losing weight, which is not a good sign especially when I am already in the 60s, and the doctors are so worried that I am going to rupture my intestines or go into sepsis, which would be a disaster and basically automatically kill me.

So I am just hoping and praying that I get enough funds and donations. If you can please be of any assistance, I would really appreciate it. I need the money to have the operations, as well as to stay down at the hospital and live there for many weeks without my dad working. I can’t afford to “wait” anymore. So please. I am begging. If there is anything you can do, suggest to me in order to raise money, spread the word, pray…. I would really appreciate it. Please help me. I have been robbed of life so much and I want to live so badly. I have so many dreams and so much I have not been able to do and want to do. I even want to become a doctor so that I can make a difference in the world. At least if something does happen to me, I hope that through these blogs I may be able to help others in learning about this illness since a lot is not known and I can show others not to give up no matter what. I want to show that no matter what happens, you need to keep walking… even if you don’t know where you are going.

Even though things are going downhill quicker than ever, I still try to look my best. I am seeing and experiencing stuff that I never experienced or thought I would ever in my life. I never thought I would wear diapers all the time and I would be bleeding the way I am. I go through more bedding and clothing than you can believe. Even if it is for like 20 minutes, I can be covered in blood if I am not careful. You never know what to expect. It is horrible. I am so hungry and so thirsty, and nothing quenches it… not even IV. I can’t even go to the bathroom. Yet, I am trying to look my best even though I have notice some physical signs that have told me otherwise. But I have discovered that life is hard enough and if you can make yourself look good and feel good about the person looking back at you… then that is half the battle.

As it stands right now, we are hopefully heading to California on Sunday to see Dr. Zuri Murell. He is from Los Angeles and also supposed to be one of the world’s leading surgeons. It is amazing how the top surgeons barely ever take insurances. I don’t understand how they can do it. I guess they get enough patients that you need them more than then need you. Dr. Murell has conducted numerous, high-profile research studies and remains at the forefront of innovative developments in colon and rectal surgical techniques. His extensive qualifications place him within an elite circle of the top colorectal surgeons in the United States. He is also supposed to have excellent bedside manner, which is definitely a huge asset especially with me because everything with me isn’t straightforward and I need someone with a lot of patients and can remain calm and keep my dad calm and me as well. Dr. Murrell, a Beverly Hills proctologist, recently became Director of the Colorectal Cancer Center at Cedars-Sinai, the team that consistently pioneers colorectal cancer treatments. He is a member of the American Board of Colon and Rectal Surgery, the American Board of Surgery and the American Medical Association.

As of right now we don’t know exactly what to expect. At the very least, we know a complete colectomy (removal of the colon is definitely necessary). The colon is completed diseased and it is so diseased that it takes literally like over 5 people to navigate it. Just to get to the cecum, it takes over an hour. I have so many twists in the colon called “intussusceptions,” which would usually be an emergency, but because my colon is so distended, I have been able to live with it. The doctors can’t wait for me to take it out so that they can physically see it and measure it and everything else they need to do with it.

Even though my entire GI is completely basically dead, they are hoping that they might be able to get me through a colectomy and hold off the transplant for a while even though a multivisceral transplant is definitely a possible (small and large intestine, stomach, pancreas, liver). They know that the stomach and colon is gone and they are hoping that they can use the small intestine as the sole organ from the esophagus to the rectum to bypass the stomach. Hopefully this might alleviate the need for the transplant or be even able to delay having the transplant. But we won’t know until we see physically what the small intestines look like when they get inside. I just hope I don’t wake up with a bag. I guess I will know more of my chances of having a bag when I meet with Dr. Murell this weekend.

So I am leaving Sunday and I am kind of bittersweet about it. I am glad that they are fitting me in so quickly, but kind of sad because it is also Mother’s day and I can’t be here with my mom. Even though we really don’t have anything planned, it is still a “special” day that I wish I could have spent with her. After all, I only have one moms and she certainly is the absolute best. I love her to pieces even though it kills me that she can’t travel with me across the country to see doctors or go for treatments, but someone has to stay back and watch the business, house, business, etc. Someone has to try to make sure we come home to “something!” I just love her to pieces. But… hopefully it will all pay off by going to LA on Sunday. I will definitely keep you updated.

In the meantime, I am continuing the same regimen that I have been doing before and hoping to keep going as long as possible. I have ketamine treatments on Wednesdays and then surgeries on Fridays to clean out my intestines because nothing moves through and this is the only way of “cleaning out” my intestines. We are trying to buy enough time as needed, but I am definitely getting weaker by the day. We don’t even have a hospital around here to attend if something happens and if we need to go to the hospital because so many doctors and hospitals have told us “not to show up because they can’t help us.” So it is more important than ever to get to California or wherever to get this surgery because I am going to die without it.

10995409_10101534123850490_5027407227827653739_nSo that is the big and upcoming plans and what is doing. I will write again soon, but as of now… I just going to go and rest because I am so not feeling well. I just hope that I get the necessary funds to have this surgery soon because I can’t afford to wait any longer. Not only can’t my body physically afford to do it, but also I can’t do it emotionally either. Plus… the longer we wait, the weaker and more fragile I am getting and the more scared doctors are getting. So please… please help me. If you can, please donate to my website at www.gofundme.com/help4fallon or email me at Femirsky@gmail.com. I will take anything… a prayer, a donation (no matter how small), a suggestive fundraiser, words of encouragement, even someone to even just talk to because you really find out how ‘small’ your life is when you get really sick because you can’t really do anything anymore. Despite the fact that I keep “walking”… I am definitely not the same person I once was no matter how hard I try. I again want to thank everyone who has tried to help me in the past. I def wouldn’t have been here today and made it this far without you.

So hopefully I will be writing to you next either right before I leave for Cali or when I get there. I have been trying to read, but it hasn’t been so successful. I have been trying to read some books of Joan Rivers because she really is one of my favorite people. She also has such a sense of humor that I am trying to use to get through this.

So… until next time!

– Fallon

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April 17, 2015

10941830_10101469922550410_1172399970812515807_nHi! I just wanted to write a brief blog to thank all my supporters and all the people who have contributed to helping me make it this far. I definitely couldn’t have made it this far without you. Whether it was through prayers, spreading word of my website, donations, messages of kind worlds, etc., I really want to thank you.  I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate it.  I am really going downhill fast, but whenever I saw a message that someone donated or someone sent me a message or someone shared my site/link/message, it really put a huge smile on my face!!

I am so sorry that I haven’t written sooner and thanked you for all your thoughtfulness and generosity, but I have been really sick lately… Sicker than usual. Yet, as I am getting to leave for the Cleveland Clinic and embark on one of the biggest adventures ever that I have no idea what is going to happen, I really wanted to thank you all and tell you all how much I appreciate everything that you have done and continue for me. After all, I need all the support and encouragement that I can receive.

You are such a wonderful and generous person, and I only wish that more people can be like you.  If only there were more of you… I perhaps could definitely get the treatment that I need to save my life and I wouldn’t have to worry about this.   You are really an angel to me and I really am so thankful and appreciative to all that you have done and continue to do for me.

I can’t wait for the day to be able to announce on this site that “I AM WELL!”  When that day should happen… please let it be known that it was because of you and your thoughtful donations and support that it was able to happen.  You made it happen and it would definitely not would have been possible without you.  I really don’t know how I can ever repay you.  There is nothing more precious than your health, and people don’t realize it until it is too late that this is the truth.  People are not appreciative of what they have until they don’t have it at all.  It is the people that are like you that shine through in life because you CARE about others.  You don’t take things for granted and you help others when in need.  Health is wealth and when you have it… you definitely have everything.

I will be leaving shortly for Cleveland and I am so scared.  I have never been more scared for something in my life.  I am in more pain than ever, I am swelling up with pitted edema, my bloods are failing, I can’t clot, and they think I am in heart failure, and more.  I am not going to lie and say I am not afraid for this huge adventure that I am about to embark on.  But I also know that this is the only thing to do because I am rapidly deteriorating and I am at the point where it is “do or die,” as I am a grenade that has been detonated.  I just hope I get to the hospital in enough time and be able to get the help that I need to save my life.  But knowing that I have the support of people especially like you makes such a huge difference.  I would never have made it this far and will continue to make it without you.

I will need so many surgeries in the next upcoming weeks, and who knows what is in store for me.  I just hope that they all can come about because we are so short on funds and of course everything costs money.  Even though we might be able to go to the Cleveland Clinic to get SOME treatment, I really need ALL the treatment if I am going to save my life.  But unfortunately, we cannot afford it on our own.  So if you have any way of spreading the word of my website (www.gofundme.com/help4Fallon), I would extremely appreciate it because I really don’t have time on my side. I was an active, healthy teenager, until, without any warning, my life as I knew it was ripped away from me by a rare, painful neurological disorder that has no cure. The doctors say that I have only a few weeks left to live… As the doctors have already told me… “If we don’t turn the corner now and do these operations NOW… I am NOT going to make it at all!”  But I have a different plan, as I am going to make it through this with the help of others and reach my dreams and live the life that I was robbed of. I am going to become that “doctor” that I always dreamed that I wanted to be.

I am going into the hospital as a person and hopefully going to come out of the hospital well, but missing a few things.  I need heart surgeries, calcifications taken out of my coronary arteries, pacemaker placed (which can’t be done like a normal patient because mine has to under the muscle and bone because of how thin and sick I am.  It can easily get infected if it is placed like a normal one), bone grafting, jaw surgery, colon removed, multi visceral transplant, etc.  We won’t know how urgently the multi visceral transplant (small and large intestines, pancreas, liver, and spleen) will take place until they take the colon out because I am so sick and my GI track is diseased and basically “gone” as well that they really don’t know what the next step is going to be until they remove the colon.  Only then will they know because it all depends what the small intestines appear to look like because they know the colon is too far-gone to be saved, but there is a possibility of maybe saving the small intestines.  If the small intestines can be salvageable, they will use it as basically the only organ in my abdomen for the GI track.  The transplant wouldn’t be as urgently needed if this were the case. However, it would mean that they would bypass the stomach and use the small intestine basically to connect my esophagus to my rectum.  I guess I can be thankful that even though the small intestine is considered “small,” it is still large (long) enough to do all this.  After all, it is the small intestine that is the most important in the digestion process because it absorbs the nutrients.  Even though the other organs play essential roles in the digestion process and they are needed, you can live without them.  But the small intestines are too essential to live without.  If they get inside to remove the colon and the small intestine doesn’t look good, it will signify that I will need the transplant urgently.  So we will see what happens.  The colon removal surgery is scheduled for May 11th, but there will be other surgeries to deal with prior, so I really will have my hands full from DAY 1.  We are also hoping to have more funds donated by then because as I stated before…I will need many more surgeries prior to that date that we already can’t afford.

No one knows what the outcome will be or anything until they go in for the huge colon removal. I have so many other health problems so these surgeries are really going to be even more dangerous and risky for me than for the traditional person.  That is why I am also thankful that  I have your support behind me.  They are going to have to be extremely careful with me because they have to first worry about setting off one of my other diseases and making those illnesses worse as well in the process, as well as keeping me comfortable because these other diseases really complicate things by making me extremely hypersensitive and everything intensified and 100 times magnified and worse.  I suffer not only from a failed GI tract, but also from RSD (which is a progressive disease of the Autonomic Nervous System, and more specifically, the Sympathetic Nervous System that is known as the most painful and debilitating illness in the world to exist.  I am extremely hypersensitive, feel like I have gasoline and spasms all the time, constant burning pain.  RSD is characterized by: Continuous sharp, stabbing & burning pain; Extreme sensitivity to touch; Severe headaches; Painful skin ulcers; Intense muscle spams; Softening of bones; Dystonia; Skin temperature & color changes; Hair/nail growth changes; Muscle atrophy; Vascular & Autonomic dysfunction; Sensitivity to lights & sounds and Paralysis).  I also have severe autonomic dysfunction and severe Gastroparesis, my entire GI tract is affected and is basically ‘dead.’  My colon is especially diseased and needs to come out.  Nothing passes through and as a result, I am getting toxicities leaking into my bloodstream and they are intoxicating and shutting down my organs as well.  So I really need to have this colon taken out as fast as possible. This is 24/7 and I never get a break.

Since my GI tract is totally tract dead among my other health problems, it is really going to be a huge problem taking out that colon.   I am just scared that I am going to end up with a “bag” especially since after you are put out…. that really is it!  You don’ really have a ‘say’ in the matter after you are out and the cutting begins.  It is weird to think that I will be losing some organs… organs that I have had since time of conception.  It also freaks me out that once the cutting begins, there is no going back.  So I can’t keep thinking that maybe this is a mistake even though I know deep down that this is not and how immediate and essential I need this to be done ASAP.

The only comfort that I get is at least one of my head doctors tell me that my head transplant doctor is “not a bag guy!” So hopefully this doctor is right, everything will go as planned, and I won’t have to worry about the “bag!” I do know that when I do wake up from that particular surgery, the first thing that I am going to do is look for that bag and feel for it. If I do find one… they better get psych immediately because I think I am going to freak out. No wonder they are going to keep me in a coma for a couple of days afterwards. It is not just to let me “heal and recover” but it is also to help me deal ‘soughta’ with this just in case it goes wrong. The doctors did say, “If it did come down to it and I needed a ‘bag,’ it would be only temporary and I shouldn’t freak out.” However, I don’t count on anything being temporary because it isn’t like we can go back anyway. Once those intestines are out, there is no putting them back. In addition, one I get that bag, there is no guarantee that it will be only a ‘temporary bag’ and that I will be able to be reconnected in about 6-8 weeks especially with my history. With my history… it is like MARSHALL’S LAW. Whatever can happen will happen!!

I am so tired of being sick and I really can’t do this anymore. I don’t want any of this ‘wait and see’ attitude anymore. I told the doctors don’t hesitate to remove anything. I told them only think carefully and really think about things when you have to ‘add’ stuff to me such as a bag. There are two things that I am deathly afraid of and I don’t want… a bag and a tracheotomy. I know that if stuff gets hairy and they ask my dad what to do because I will be ‘under surgery’, my dad will do anything and everything to get me well. You know Walt Disney and how he is supposedly ‘frozen’ and waiting for a cure to come around? Well… my dad wants me to be the “2nd Walt Disney.” He really wants to freeze me as well because until a cure comes around because he doesn’t want me to die. I just can’t hang on anymore and I am at the point that I want them to do everything and anything and I can’t wait around for any of this stuff anymore. It is just getting to be too much! Ether fix me or just let me go already. I can’t take the physical pain or the emotional pain. It is too hard already. It isn’t fair to me already. Don’t get me wrong, I am not giving up… I just want to get well so badly that I don’t want to ‘wait’ anymore for anything because the longer that we wait because we hope that I get stronger for the next step, I only end up getting worse and therefore, the doctors end up doing nothing because I am weaker than where they feel comfortable doing anything.

I am just getting scared… scared more and more as the time ticks down until the time comes when they do the surgery.  Unfortunately even though I will be leaving for the Cleveland Clinic in a day, I still have time to be ‘scared’ because the surgery for the colon isn’t until May 11th.  In the meantime, I will be undergoing other risky, intensive, and dangerous surgeries and therefore, I will have my hands full for the next couple of weeks.  I know that all the surgeries and procedures will be long and dangerous, but the surgery for the removal of the colon will be at least 10-12 hours especially depending if they bypass the stomach and have make use of the small intestine.

I am not going to continue to bore you, but I just want to say how thankful I am that you supporting me and wishing me well.  I only hope that this all works out because we can’t even afford the “little” things anymore like even my  day-to-day current treatment.  For example, we can’t even afford my meds anymore without help… especially when you take more medication than a horse.  I take everything from ketamine to methadone to dilaudid to morphine to klonopin to more.  If I was better, I wouldn’t have to worry about all these expensive and costly treatments, all these expensive meds, or where and when I will get this money from to pay for it.  I was never one to cry and plead for money before I got sick and I can’t wait for the day that I can be independent again and not have to rely on others in order to receive the lifesaving treatment that I desperately need.

Well I guess this is it. The next blog will be from hopefully Cleveland Clinic. I will try to keep you as up-to-date as much as possible, but please be understanding because I will be undergoing multiple surgeries and in intensive care a lot. I will be placed in many comas and on very high doses of medication and therefore, there will be times I will be unconscious and unable to write.

My dad is already freaking out in how he is going to be spending so much time in the hospital. One of my head doctors promised me that he will keep him busy as much as possible… like even take him driving in his Porsche to get incredible burgers because that is the only time he is permitted to have burgers. So… since he is going to be in the hospital and ‘bored’ so much… I am going to try to teach him as well to write some blogs so that he can keep you up-to-date as well when I can’t write for myself. I am also going to try to do some “video blogs”, but I don’t know how that will go because I don’t know how much I will be up to ‘typing!’

Well I guess this is it. There is so much still to do before we leave. We have so much packing to do. We are leaving Sunday morning and checking into the hospital probably Sunday evening. One of my head doctors is on vacation and will even be going away and first coming back to the area earlier that day. He did say though that he will come into the hospital that night when I call him to say that I am “checked in” so that we can further talk and so that he can start an IV line and I can receive some hardcore meds. I am especially going to need these meds because not only am I going to be in my regular pain that I can’t usually take, but I will be even worse because it will also be my big traveling day, which makes everything even worse in general. Traveling really takes a huge toll on me over all, so I will be in even worse condition than usual too. Then to put the icing on the cake, I have surgery for the my heart and to put the ports in first thing Monday morning, so I will be freaking out over that as well. So you can imagine how much pain and worries I will be having during this time. I am just so thankful that I have such a great team of doctors because no other team of doctors will go beyond what they are doing already. Not only are they doing everything to make me as comfortable as possible, but they are even coming in on their ‘vacation days’ to make sure things are done as comfortably as possible for me. He said, “once I am nice and comfy, he will leave and I will l see him first thing in the morning for surgery.” Who could ask for a better doctor?

I know I have the top team in the hospital and even the world working on me because even the best surgeons in their fields have turned me away and placed me in the hands of Dr. Kareem and the transplant team of the Cleveland Clinic. For them to do this and say this is a “Kareem” case… it shows how difficult I am already because they only get the really difficult or “hot potato” cases that no one else wants to take on. This small knit of surgeons (like 10 of them) are the best of the best because Cleveland doesn’t just take anyone! My anesthesiologist even said to me that there is no one better than these guys and how these surgeons are STELLAR!! So I am only hoping and wishing for the best.

There is so much packing to be done and I have to still sought all the medications. That is something that is going to be so time consuming because of how much meds I take and my dad takes as well. Even though my dad doesn’t take nearly as much meds as I do, it still will take time because I have to set each dose of medication up and label it with who’s medication it is and the time of day because my dad has no clue how to even set up medication. I am like the ‘nurse’ in my family because I set up everyone’s meds at home. So I bought little pill bags to put the pills inside because even though we usually use vials, we are going to need to many vials this time because of the length of time we will be away and therefore, I thought it would be easier if we just used little pill bags. So I will be busy for a couple of hours setting that all up.

I am also preparing just in case something should happen. I am making my mom a book of how to do everything. It is really funny because I usually do everything that I can at home. So I want to make sure that everything is covered.

I also want to add some stuff to my iPad in terms of movies, books, apps, etc. so to make sure that I will have some stuff to do in the hospital. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Also…I would love to hear from you while I am in the hospital, so if you ever want to contact me, please email me at Femirsky@gmail.com and I will email you back.

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Love always,


Well… thank you again for all you generosity and support.  I will never forget you.  Please continue to follow my story and please continue to pray for me because I am going to need all the prayers and support that I can get in order to overcome this.  I can’t tell you enough how much of an “angel” you are to me and how thankful I am.  Please always remember how special of a person you are.

Love always,


1 Comment »

April 15, 2015


Wow. I can’t believe how close we are to leaving for the Cleveland Clinic. Just 2 more days (not including today) and we are off to Cleveland. Of course nothing is set in stone though yet because we are still way behind on the financial aspect. I am really praying and hoping that the financial part will work out in the next few days or at least continue to work out on a continuous basis while we are down in Cleveland Clinic because I am not doing well at all and I need so many lifesaving surgeries that we cannot afford without help.

So even though we may be able to get there to Cleveland to have the initial surgery or something, it doesn’t mean that we won’t need so much help from others. I will have to remain there for at least 8 weeks and undergo so many surgeries. So… we will never know when we will have to put a halt to surgery, which would absolutely be horrendous. So I am actually praying that this will never happen. I don’t think I can take it if that would happen.

11138661_10101506018423990_7851789395994402482_nI am so scared. I am so scared that I am going to die from this disease, I am so scared from all these surgeries that I am about to undergo, and I am so scared we aren’t going to be even able to have the surgeries because we aren’t going to be able to afford them. I am really deteriorating… worse than ever… and that is why you haven’t really heard from me. It takes so much out of me now to even get out of bed, as everything exhausts me and I am in soooo much severe pain.

Cleveland Clinic couldn’t come at a better time. In fact, the doctors can’t wait for me to get down there. They keep joking around with each other saying how I am ‘coming’ because they know how much trouble of a case I will be. I am definitely not going to be an ‘easy’ case and they know it. But they should be used to it because Cleveland Clinic is known for this. They are known for cases that can’t be helped elsewhere and for extreme procedures. So at least now I am not being passed around like a “hot potato” anymore.

Gosh… Cleveland Clinic is so close and there is soooo much to do and on top of everything else… so much is going wrong. To begin with, I fell out of bed and ended up injuring my left arm. All I kept saying when I fell was “please don’t let it be my hip.” I already broke my hip once and it was the absolute worst. I couldn’t have surgery on my hip because of how fragile I am and everything and therefore, I was on complete bed rest for like 12 weeks. It was so painful and every time I needed to go somewhere, my dad had to carry me. Thank goodness for my knight and shining armor!! I never want that to happen again though.

My dad knew something happened because it was really early in the morning and he heard “thump.” He then said that he heard in the tiniest voice, “help me! Help Me!” He knew right away that something happened to me. So of course he came in to rescue me and he picked me off the floor.   I had my arm checked out but the x-rays showed that no bones were broken. Thank goodness because even if they were, putting any of my body parts in a cast is one of the worst things to do for my illness because immobilization spreads my illness. Plus, since I have the autonomic dysfunction, I would be absolutely uncomfortable because I can’t bear the feeling of anything touching my skin. I barely can sleep with my blanket touching me and I can’t even tolerate my parents hugging mw or anything. Then with the autonomic dysfunction causing me to swell and shrink at any time… it was not a good combination.

But instead of breaking bones, it apparently looks like I tore some ligaments and tendons. I will need more orthopedic studies performed to look into this matter further but it was already decided that since no treatment would be done here such as surgery because of my complex medical condition, there would really be no reason to run all those studies and run up medical bills… only to go to Cleveland to have them repeat their own studies because you know doctors like to have their OWN tests. So I have really been suffering.

On top of that, I have really been having severe jaw problems. My teeth are literally crumbling as we speak and I have huge potholes in my mouth and my bones that are holding the teeth in place are soooo weak and need bone grafting and other surgeries. It is really bad and causing me great harm. Even though this is really abnormal and I hate it because it is affecting my smile, it is completely normal for “transplant” candidates to undergo teeth problems such as these.   It really stinks because it is like this disease has no mercy on me. It takes whatever it can grab. But, after speaking to my doctors in Cleveland, they told me that after all this is said and done, I will be able to get implants and then I will have such a perfect smile. But when I found out that it was like a 9-month process, I almost flipped. I have suffered so much already and all I want to do now is look “beautiful” and not a jack o’lantern! I really have lost all sense of patience already. I have none. I just want to get better already. I want my life back already.

In addition, my pain is escalating beyond control and my GI system is getting so much worse. I am not getting an increase amount of ketamine every week, as I am now getting about 300 mg of ketamine through the IV in the coma/infusion and then while I am under they perform other procedures such as injecting another 100 mg ketamine in my spine. They have also been doing radiofrequency in my occipital lobes (both of them) and injecting steroids such as Marcaine in both to help deal with the headaches. I just can’t deal with the pain anymore. Everything is astronomical. I am literally going through the roof.

11148614_10101511904917410_239698126987159918_nNot only has the pain escalated and so has the discoloration, but also my body is developing bilateral pitted edema. This shows that something is definitely wrong in my body. I am only hoping I am not going into heart failure. My legs (both of them) are so swollen that I can’t even get a shoe basically on the foot that is considered the ‘better’ foot. I have no idea what is causing this, but it is horrible. I can’t even get IV fluids anymore because I am filling so much up on fluids and aspirating. My cells can’t hold the fluid inside and it is just spilling out into my lungs. It is making it impossible to breathe. All you hear is gurgling. I am so thirsty and yet, the more that I drink, the worst I get and the worst I sound. Plus… since I can’t technically ‘absorb’ anything, I can’t quench my thirst on anything… not even my ice pops that are supposed to be filled with heart meds and Gatorade. It is a no win situation.

Speaking of heart meds and bloods… that is another area that I am really deteriorating in. The doctors at the Cleveland Clinic are telling me “not to worry” and they will “handle everything,” but I am still freaking out. One of my head doctors actually gave me his cell number in case something should go wrong. Since I am so complicated, he is making sure that the whole entire hospital is familiar with my case and if something should happen, he is going to make sure that I get the help that I need immediately instead of the doctors just ‘passing the buck!’

But there is so much to do before we leave. We are going to be there for at least 8 weeks and I don’t know how we are ever going to manage financially and psychologically. We won’t have an income during this time and therefore, that is one of the main reasons why I desperately need donations. My dad will be with me in Cleveland and therefore, he will not be working. We are leaving the business in the hands of my mom, but of course my mom can’t go to clients’ houses and exterminate. So if you can please donate or help me raise money during this time, I would really appreciate it. I can always be reached via email at Femirsky@gmail.com.

11010962_10101458859121610_6311185503642836930_nEven though my first surgery is not until Monday morning, they want me to check into the hospital Sunday due to my complex condition. So that means that we are flying into Cleveland Clinic probably on Saturday. I am trying to hold off though until Sunday because I am hoping that they will allow me to checking Sunday night, which will permit me to fly in earlier that day. It will save me a day of a hotel stay and any way of saving money is better than not.

As it is, one of my head doctors is simply amazing. Not only is he going to make sure that I am as comfortable as possible and try to get everything run as “smoothly” as possible, he is also going to try to make things as “cheap” as possible. For example, he knows that after I get certain surgeries I will have no choice but to spend days in the ICU. However, on other surgeries, he will babysit me afterwards and if he can manage to get my pain somewhat under control and everything, I will be able to go to a regular floor. This will allow me to skip the ICU, which is a lot of money compared to a regular nursing floor. He is just one amazing doctor.

I also told the doctor that he needs to keep my dad busy because my dad will literally go insane being in the hospital everyday for that length of time. He said that once I am ‘stabilized’, he will take my dad out in his Porsche that is supposed to be some speed demon and go for burgers. My dad really would like that. He already offered to take my dad to strip joint. I really have the best doctor. My dad just loves his burgers too because when we go to the hospital, it is basically the only time he is allowed to have them.

I asked the doc, “what is in it for me?” So he said that he will show me some really cool things as well. He knows how interested I am in medicine and everything and therefore, he is going to take me to the observatories to see the operating rooms and everything. He is going to be the one doc that is responsible for getting everything that I need he says that I have nothing to worry about with him in charge. He is also the doctor that will be putting me to sleep for everything that is needed. Even regular things that people aren’t normally not put asleep, he will put me asleep because he wants me to be as comfortable as possible.

Heart iStock pic (1)Gosh I have so many upcoming surgeries to prepare for. Not only will I be having heart surgery and having ports placed in me so that they can have emergency access into me, if needed, but they are also going to try to use those ports for TPN. I have tried TPN before, but unfortunately I failed them. But we are going to try them again with the usage of different drugs and hopefully between the drugs, the ports, and everything else… I will be able to tolerate the TPN because I desperately need it.

I need the TPN so badly because I have absolutely no reserves since I am only weighing in the 60s. If I get an infection or something, that is the end… I am a goner. We would really have a huge disaster on our hands. So we really need me as strong as possible for these surgeries because they are rough on the ‘normal’ person and let alone someone like me… I need to be in the best condition possible so that I can heal.

Besides the heart surgery, I am also going to have the pacemaker team come down as well. They want to put a pacemaker in me as well because in case I have an autonomic dysfunction attack or something, I will kind of have a ‘safety measure.’ As it is, my heart rate is only in the 40s and therefore, when I go to sleep, my heart rate drops to the low 30s and everything. So the nurses literally freak and I have to sleep with the paddles right next to my bed. You can’t imagine how scary and freaky that is to know they are so close.

11080468_10101495199704790_4944857602425248308_oAnother thing that freaks me out is that I can’t be treated like a NORMAL patient. That is one more reason why one of my head doctors has to make it known to everyone how to treat me. All the normal things that you would think that would “help” a patient such as covering a patient with a blanket, giving IV fluids to raise bloodpressure, etc. would all end hurting me in the end. For one things, I am definitely not a patient that most people have witnessed or seen before. For example, they can’t touch me and I turn all these different colors. I am so hypersensitive that even a simple needle stick is like someone sticking a knife in me. When I am having an ‘attack’, I can not only change colors and look necrotic or something, but my veins can bulge out so much that you can actually seethe valves in the actual veins. In previous hospitals my dad had to write on the washboard on the wall “Do not touch legs” so to make the nurses and staff aware of the ‘not touching.” I had so many doctors and nurses running around the hospital and everything because they are literally freaking out for what they are seeing. Never before me have they seen something like this. My dad and I try to calm them down and tell them “not to worry” because this is something we see all the time. But that still doesn’t’ calm them down.

So I will be having the pacemaker team down. If I undergo pacemaker operation, I won’t be able to get the traditional pacemaker operation. My operation would be much more intensive and the actual pacemaker would have to go under the muscle and rib (unlike others that are just under the skin) because I am just way too thin and it would erode too easily and cause infections.

I will also have the dental and jaw team also work on me besides having my ports placed in my heart and my colon removed because of the holes in my teeth and jaw. I am huge pain from them. You know toothaches and everything… they are real killers. Well think about having all this pain on top of all the meds that I am taking such as methadone, dilaudid, morphine, ketamine, etc. and still feeling this tremendous pain? You can see how horrible it feels.

I also need a bone infusion because I am a life-threatening fracture waiting to happen. I used to get it done here in New York, but I got too sick and the doctors are too afraid now. My bones are really deteriorating and if I ever get a fracture, it could be extremely life threatening. So I will have to take care of that as well.

10941830_10101469922550410_1172399970812515807_nFinally May 11th is the famous day my colon is coming out. Turns out that I will need three other transplant surgeons besides my head transplant surgeon. The night before the list came out of who was scrubbing in with my head surgeon, I was talking tone of my anesthesiologists, who happen to be also one of the head surgeons on my team and responsible for my care, and we were talking about the different surgeons we could have a choice of. Sure enough I get the ones that I was not really wanting. But the ones I got are terrific with a knife… but bedside manners stink. My anesthesiologist said that we will just deal with them afterwards. The important thing is that when surgeons’ hands shake… their hands don’t.

So there is just so much to do while we are there and everything will be so risky. I just hope everything will be ok because my dad will be there by himself and won’t have any support. He is already secretive, so if something happens, he probably won’t tell my mom right away. When I broke my hip and was all blue, not breathing, having seizures, in the ER, my mom kept calling and he wouldn’t even tell her a single thing that happened. She had no inkling that I even fell or tat I was in the ER.

At least I will be getting some good meds… meds that nobody else really heard of. They aren’t afraid of giving medications because of a heart rate too low or anything. If you need it, you need it. Simple as that. They also have drugs that are unheard of at other hospitals. For example, they will have me on Precedex and Exparil. Whereas I can get Exparil on a regular floor, I can only get the Precedex, along with the ketamine, in the ICU.

Precedex is the coolest drug. It basically puts you in a “coma state” and then when they need you and walk in to the room and call your name, you become conscious and can carry out a normal conversation with them. Then when they leave, you go back into a “coma state.” They use this drug to put people into comas yet they can still test neurological functions.

Exparil is another cool drug. He said this is like a really long lasting and strong lidocaine. People get this drug and walk around with absolutely NO pain whatsoever. You can only insert it at the site, but that is better than nothing. He said that he gives it to people who have hernia operations and they walk around like they didn’t have it ever done. It is amazing.

In terms of the colon surgery, we don’t know how urgently I will need the transplant until they get inside. It will be even riskier surgery for me because they can’t empty my colon prior to surgery. So even though the intestines are known for bacteria, I am going to have much more bacteria because I can’t empty the colon at all. So they are really going to have their hands full. The doctor said that my colon is really bad and diseased and must come out a.s.a.p. The doctor said it is huge and it is really causing a lot of problems. He told me though that they will measure it and he will also take pictures of it and of my insides when I have it. I can’t wait because I always wanted to see my what my insides looked like. How many people can say that they have this kind of view of themselves?

If the small intestine looks salvageable, it will mean the transplant can wait till later rather than do it immediately. Therefore they will bypass the stomach and just use the small intestine from the esophagus straight down… bypassing everything. I keep telling them “no bag,” but they said that Kareem (the head transplant doc) is not a ‘bag’ guy. It doesn’t make me feel any better because once you are asleep… you don’t have a say and once it is done… that is it.

So… I guess we just got to have a good attitude and see what happens. The doctors did say that whenever I can’t tolerate it, I can activate the AMET team, which means that they have to be at my bedside within 10 min and they will bring me into the ICU and put me under so I don’t have to feel anything. It is going to be a long 8 weeks at least, but hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and I will get better and be able to get my life back! This disease stole too much from me.

I am starting out with one central line, but unfortunate by the end of all my surgeries, I will have lots of other lines coming out too. I will probably even need another central line. I told the doc that I don’t want one coming from my neck out of the jugular. I think I rather go with the one called a HICKMAN, which goes under the sub clavicle and into the heart that way. Since you have two sub clavicles, I can get both done that way. But I still have a bit to decide.

I can’t wait to be all better. I just don’t know how we are going to get all our stuff there. My dad absolutely refuses to do the wash and therefore, I don’t know how he is going to manage to bring all that clothing (I don’t even own that much). Since I am the “nurse” in the house I usually set up everyone meds and I asked him if I gave him a list if he could set up his own. Of course he couldn’t so that means I have to fill a bag of just vials of medications. You take into account both our medications and like taking them three times a day and that comes out to over 160 vials… not to mention how many medications are in each vial. Especially for me because I take so many meds for each dose of medication that I take. That is going to take up a suitcase in itself.

11136108_10101511759913000_1043697294582099609_oI am going to definitely miss my animals, especially my cat. It is going to be Missy’s birthday. She is going to be 11. I wish I was going to be able to be home for her to celebrate it with her. I told her that when I get home we will do some big celebrating.

11129393_10101511749309250_2169449176647737209_oI also bought my dog so many dog toys.  I don’t know how my dad is going to last without my dog being around because that is my dad’s absolute best friend.  He is the ONLY one that can calm him down and my dad comes home every day looking for him.  Sometimes I think he looks more for Max than he does for the rest of the family.  We are surely going to miss him.  I gave him the toys already and he loves them!

11099587_10101511838310890_8092123454128495345_o 11109624_10101511837662190_8469061240818959890_oI got a special  bear to bring with me to give me a little taste of home. It came all the way from England and from ROYAL MAIL. It is so adorable. So even though my mom is unable to go with us, at least when I look at it, I can still feel like she is near me. After all, you know I am a GUND freak too. I am bringing him and my SNUGGLES. Because after all, it is SNUGGLES who helps with all the belly pains, which I am sure that I will have plenty of because I am having HUGE abdominal surgery, as I am having my colon removed and I am either going to be urgently having the multivisceral transplant (small & large intestine, pancreas, spleen) or they will bypass the stomach and just use the small intestine, if it isn’t so bad. It all depends when they go inside what it looks like. I am so nervous because like I said before, I don’t want a bag whatsoever… even a temporary because all temporary things don’t always stay temporary. I am so scared that even though they say ‘temporary,’ it will end up being permanent.10897754_10101385674748680_1733024871216687875_n

I am also bringing my pillow with me. The doctor told me not only do the pillows in the hospital stink, but also he wants me to feel as comfortable as possible. So, since I will be in tremendous pain as it is, the best thing would be to have my pillow with me. After all, you know nothing is as good as your own pillow that you sleep on every night. I will be in the hospital for like 8 weeks and having extensive and intensive surgeries. So I have to be as comfortable as possible. So that is just another thing that we have to fit into the suitcase.

Well… I guess that is about it for now. If you know any good books or movies, please let me know because I don’t want to be bored in the hospital. I already downloaded a few movies that I have been waiting to see such as INTO THE WOODS, ANNIE, and some others. I downloaded my favorite authors’ latest books. I got some books from James Patterson and Sophie Kinsella. There is a new book I was looking at about a doctor’s first year. I saw it written up in a magazine, so it looked good. You can always email me at Femirsky@gmail.com. If you want to keep in touch as well, please feel free. I would love to talk while I am there. So if you email me we can work out texting.

If you can think of any way of donating or fundraising, please let me know because we desperately need all the help that we can get. I can’t tell you how much we appreciate all the encouragement and support that you have provided. I never would have made it this far without your support.

Well… gonna go rest. Last time I am going for ketamine and everything in the morning. Then I go for surgery on my colon on Friday to Clean it out, as well as down my esophagus and then it is off to Cleveland. So with everything happening, ill try not to be a stranger.

11150162_10101504767780290_8278933834191241741_nI am also still selling bracelets for $5 each as well as candy bars for $2. If interested in buying or selling, please let me know.

– Fallon


March 14, 2014


Hey. What’s up? Before anything… let me mention that I want to wish you “HAPPY PI DAY (3.14)!! Sorry I haven’t written in awhile, but haven’t been feeling really well. It has been getting harder and harder to write because I am rapidly deteriorating. Definitely a big difference in me in such a short amount of time. I barely get out of bed. It’s horrible. My life consists of trying to hold on as much as possible, going for procedures/surgeries to work on my colon every week, and also to have my ketamine coma infusion too every week, which has had other stuff added to it such as injections into the occipital lobes and blocks into my spinal cord because of how bad things have gotten. In a way I am thankful that I am getting put under anesthesia twice a week because it’s the only time I am not suffering.

Hey. What’s up? Sorry I haven’t written in awhile, but haven’t been feeling really well. It has been getting harder and harder to write because I am rapidly deteriorating. Definitely a big difference in me in such a short amount of time. I barely get out of bed. It’s horrible. My life consists of trying to hold on as much as possible, going for procedures/surgeries to work on my colon every week, and also to have my ketamine coma infusion too every week, which has had other stuff added to it such as injections into the occipital lobes and blocks into my spinal cord because of how bad things have gotten. In a way I am thankful that I am getting put under anesthesia twice a week because it’s the only time I am not suffering.

Things are really getting tougher than ever. But at least I get relief twice a week when I get put under for the ketamine coma infusion and then when I go for the procedure for my colon. I go every week for both, which takes not only a huge toll on me even though this is the only time I actually get out of pain, but on my dad as well because he has to find a way of working everything into his schedule since he takes me for these procedures. These procedures literally take up the entire day and therefore, it makes it harder for him to work.

However, I feel bad for my dad because it’s taking him so much away from work and we are really suffering because of that. The bills are just snow blowing out of proportion. We can’t pay our mortgage or utility bills and even have difficulty putting food on the table. We can’t even afford my day-to-day treatment anymore, which means getting medications is really a tough ordeal. I desperately need help especially since we are scheduled to leave for Cleveland shortly. My dad has been working harder than ever trying to fit everything in because he works 7 days a week before and after each procedure and basically around the clock. He is so tired and I feel so bad for what I put him through. But, he keeps doing this because he is trying his best to get the funds so that I can get the treatment that I desperately need, as it is extremely expensive.

I am so worried about my dad because of how much he works, as he works himself ragged and because he is no youngster. If it wasn’t for him taking me for these procedures, I would barely see him because he is always working. He barely sleeps anymore because there is no time and he is really running himself so ragged that when he does come home, he just basically crashes. He is so tired that even when I go for my procedures and I am “sleeping,” he crashes at the doctors’ office. This was never like him. I only hope that nothing happens to him because I would never forgive myself. My dad is like my best friend. He means the world to me. I feel so bad for what I put him through. But he feels so bad that he can’t take this illness away and that no matter how badly he tries… he just can’t seem to make enough money to pay the bills and get me the medical treatment that I desperately need to save my life. He constantly says, “he would take the disease away for a minute that he could,” but I always tell him, “You would give it back instantly because you wouldn’t be able to handle it.” I keep thinking that there are higher purposes for my suffering and for what I am being put through, as well as that people aren’t given things that they can’t handle. Yet, on the next breath as I continue to worsen, I keep asking myself “when is enough enough? How much more of this can I actually handle because I am basically at my breaking point.”

Now besides going for just ketamine comas, I also get blocks placed into my spine at the same time, as well as needles into my occipital lobes. I originally started with radiofrequency in the occipital lobes, but now I actually get injections of Marcaine into the lobes. The pain has worsened so much to the point where I have been getting killer headaches on top of the killer bodily pain that I usually get. So the only way to hopefully control it and to make a dent is to add the blocks into my spine for my legs because they have worsened so much and to add the injections into my occipitals for the headaches.

Even when I have been going for the procedures weekly on my colon, it has been getting worse and worse. The doctor says that I am needing decompression more and more and it is getting harder to do. He said that I desperately need to get to the Cleveland Clinic because of everything occurring. Everyone is worried that my intestines are going to rupture or I will go into sepsis or something because after all I have all these toxins leaking into my bloodstream currently because everything literally sits in my colon because of how ‘dead’ my GI system is. Nothing passes through and as a result, I have toxins leaking into my bloodstream and they are intoxicating my organs and brain and essentially poisoning me and killing me as well. The doctors at the Cleveland Clinic are also so afraid that we are really going to have a HUGE crisis on our hands before I even get down there because once I rupture my intestines or go into sepsis, we basically waited too long and we don’t know what will happen or how or if I will be able to get to Cleveland, which is where it is important to do the surgeries because they have the facility and materials and doctors capable of doing it whereas the hospitals here are not equipped to handle something like this. So everyone is getting edgy that I am not going to make it in time.

I’m scheduled to leave for Cleveland Clinic on April 18th because I am supposed to be admitted on the 19th and the first surgery (heart surgery to put in chest ports and everything) is the 20th, but it’s all contingent on funds. That is why I have been pleading so much for “help” because without it, it is not going to be a possibility of going and without going… I am definitely going to die.

The docs are even afraid that I won’t even make it there in time. They said that if things get at worse or that I feel like I can’t make it… I should not try to be a ‘hero’ and wait it out or attempt to go to Cleveland on our own because we may not make it there. They said that I should go immediately to the hospital and say that I need to be transferred by helicopter to Cleveland. But do you know how much that will cost? It’d probably so expensive… So it’s not really an option that I’m considering even though I desperately need to get to Cleveland ASAP because I am so bad.

I know that I sound like a broken record already, but we need help so badly because we definitely can’t afford it on our own. I am literally looking death in the face. It is something that only someone dying can literally feel and understand. I just don’t want to die and yet I know my life is literally resting in the hands of everyone else; every treatment and every move of being able to get the ability to try to “live” lays in the hands of the world. I know the key to living is money and it is a shame how much it is playing a role. It is such a fearful and annoying thing to know that there is something to save your life and to make everything better and yet…. You can’t get it because you can’t afford it. Meanwhile as I plead for help, I continue to worsen and therefore, more is then needed to save my life, which is more that I can’t afford. So it becomes a cycle that you just can’t escape because everything comes down to the $ sign. It is like the ruler of the universe.

I have definitely realized that the hard way because I never thought that we would be in this kind of situation. We were always the ones “helping” others. Now when the shoe is on the other foot and we are the ones that need the helping, it isn’t so easy. People never really truly appreciate their health or people helping them. Yet, it is a gift that so many wish that they could have. If you have your health, then you have everything. I would do anything for my health and I would do anything to get the much-needed help that I need in order to save my life. I am only 33 years old and never got to live my life. I have so much that I still want to do and never got a chance to do.

11010962_10101458859121610_6311185503642836930_nThe team in Cleveland is really amazing. I love them. I originally tried to get in sooner with another surgeon because the main surgeon (Dr. Kareem Abu-Elmagd) is going to be talking and presenting his paper in the end of April and he is not going to be doing any operations really until that is done. So when I tried to get to another surgeon… They all turned me away and put me back into the hands of Dr. Kareem because of how complicated and how complex I am. Dr. Kareem is one of the best surgeons in the world and a topnotch transplant surgeon, which is something that I need. The other doctors said that I am too ‘tough of a case’ and belong with the best of the best. In fact… I ended up with Dr. Kareem in the beginning because when the surgeons reviewed my case, they saw how complicated I was and how much I needed the best surgeons possible. They also saw what I was probably going to be in store for… Which was a transplant because of how very sick I am.

So my team (transplant team) discussed it and they made exceptions and everything to get me in as soon as possible because I am hanging on by a thread and not going to make it much longer. When I go for the surgery for the removal of my colon, I will need at least 3 sets of transplant hands in there including Dr. Kareem Abu-Elmagd… So you can imagine how difficult this surgery is going to be. I have to have all those surgeons just for the colon removal plus so many other specialists in the room to take care of the rest of my body. This is really going to be one huge surgery. To make matters worse… I am not in tip-top shape and I am really a disaster. They are really hoping that I will survive the surgery because of how weak and fragile I am. I don’t have any ‘reserves’ to help me recover and if I get an infection or complication from the surgery… I am really up the creek. So it is really important to do this surgery as careful as possible to make sure that it goes as ‘smooth’ as possible. The transplant team said that I am like the 4th toughest case they ever had at the Cleveland Clinic. Can you believe it? I mean it is the Cleveland Clinic… Which is supposed to be the BEST HOSPITAL in the country. So to be one of the hardest cases in the country… That really says a lot.

But I honestly couldn’t be happier and more comfortable with a team of doctors than with my team from the Cleveland Clinic. They are simply amazing. My head doc from the team even gave me his cell number and told me if I ever need anything that I should call him. He has spent countless hours on the phone with me… Like 2-3 hours at a time. Sometimes we are even up until after midnight talking. He never hides anything from me and is extremely truthful on everything that is going to happen whether I wanna hear it or not. He is also going to make sure that I am as comfortable as possible when I am there because he understands that I can’t be treated like an ‘ordinary’ or typical patient. He said that by the time I get there… The WHOLE ENTIRE HOSPITAL is going to know my case and me so that if anything should happen or I need anything at all (no matter what time of day or night), they will be equipped and able to handle me. Who can ask for a better doc?

But the doc said that the trick is to getting me there to the hospital in time because I am not doing well at all. He said that he has a private plane that he will send for me if needed because all the doctors at Cleveland Clinic get this option. I guess it pays to be a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic because you can get a plane sent for you if you need to get to the Cleveland clinic and you are hurt or sick and somewhere else. But don’t get too excited because it costs so much money. The doc said that he one time had the plane sent to pick up his buddy in Mexico because something happened to his buddy when on vacation with his family and when his buddy got the bill, he said that he could have ‘bought a mansion for that price!’ So I guess nothing comes for ‘free!’

But seriously the Cleveland Clinic and my team are really the best doctors.  My head doc said that the thing at the Cleveland Clinic is that they only hire the ‘best of the best’ and if you can’t contribute to a case… It’s adios to you. That’s why the Cleveland Clinic is partially so successful. They only keep docs that can contribute to a case on a case.

The Cleveland Clinic also takes on cases where other hospitals would just pass you off or something because they can’t be ‘bothered’ with you. They actually care for a patient and whereas other doctors and hospitals are more interested in how many patients they ‘treat’ to make up their reputation… The Cleveland Clinic will just focus and take their time on that one patient that needs that extra special attention because they are so complicated and need a doctor to go that extra mile to figure things out or to help them even if it means that the docs won’t be able to see so many patients. In short… Other hospitals and doctors elsewhere get their reputation based on ‘quantity’ of patients they treat, the doctors at the Cleveland Clinic get their reputation based on their ‘quality’ in how they treat a patient. I can definitely see why the Cleveland Clinic is like the best in the nation.

The Cleveland Clinic also has tricks up their sleeves that no one else has. Since they get all the complicated cases that no one really wants to touch… They have to be innovative and think of ways to help a patient because patients that come to them are much more complicated and sicker than the regular and typical patient that a doctor normally sees and treats. So my head doctor really made me feel extremely comfortable knowing that they had stuff that no one else has and that would really help me during my stay.

My neurological illness is actually a Central Nervous Disease. As you know the CNS consists of the brain and spinal cord, and the cells in the CNS are made up of neurons (10%) and Glia (90%). Well… in RSD glial cells get activated, since they are the immune cells that release certain inflammatory chemicals, and therefore, the end up releasing inflammatory chemicals into the body. The inflammatory chemicals released cause inflammation of the nerves in the central nervous system.

As the spinal cord and brain is flooded with a barrage of pain signals, the nerves in these structures become hyper-sensitized. Two things happen during central centralization: NMDA receptors are activated (that is why Ketamine works the best on me because it is a drug that blocks NMDA receptors and there are very few that do… dextromethorphan, amantadine, methadone…which I have all tried) and glial cells are activated (which make up 70% of all cells in our CNS and remain dormant usually. Yet, activated glial cells release chemicals (cytokines) that cause nerve inflammation and it has been proven that opioids/narcotics increase glial activation… which is another reason why Ketamine is the best option to use post operatively for pain).

Although there have been no long-term studies, it is shown that opioids are counterproductive for RSD and that is why Ketamine is the best for me. Opioid induced activation of glia induces them to release neuroexcitatory pro-inflammatory cytokines, suppressing opioid analgesia.   Yet, when you also suffer from severe gastroparesis and autonomic dysfunction, you need these opioids to control that aspect of those illnesses. So… it is basically two things battling against each other because I need to have both and it is at the expense of possibly causing the other to worsen. It is especially a problem when you go for surgery because that is when you need painkillers badly. Yet it is these painkillers that don’t really help my neurological illness, which is the Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy.

I am one sick person and the doctors know already that I am going to need a lot of those ‘tricks’ and a lot of attention. In fact, my head doc already said that he is already prepared for all her phone calls he is going to get all throughout the day and night… And he said he doesn’t mind because a lot of docs are going to be seeing things with me for the first time and won’t really know what to do.

Since I am extremely sick… I am going to need a lot of surgeries when I am at the Cleveland Clinic. Therefore, I will be in a lot of comas to help me heal and everything because of how ‘sick’ and fragile I am. Since I am extremely hypersensitive, I will be in a lot more pain than a regular patient, which is going to mean that the doctors are going to have to work extra hard to keep me comfortable. So that’s another reason why I will be in a coma a lot because this way I can ‘heal’ and I also won’t feel the pain.

Anesthesiologists often are faced with the need to provide anesthesia for a patient with CRPS. Thus, special care must be provided to avoid painful stimuli from the site of surgery from reaching the central nervous system. Clearly, general anesthesia does not accomplish this. Regional anesthesia potentially can prevent a recurrence or occurrence of the syndrome from being precipitated. It is also important to note that CRPS has been caused by such minor traumas as intravenous line placement, blood donation, or simple blood draw. With this understanding, the anesthesiologist should attend to these procedures with special care and attempt to minimize any painful stimuli associated with them

The doctors already know that I am going to need all the tricks and pain stuff that can be possible because my illness makes me so hypersensitive. A simple needle stick is like someone sticking a knife through me. It’s really severely painful and unbearable. So not only will they be keeping me in a regular coma, but they are going to be using a lot of drugs people never really heard of before to try to keep me as comfortable as possible and to keep my illness from ‘spreading!’.

So I will be having comas, epidurals, pain meds, and other stuff. One drug that they will be giving me is called PRECEDEX. It’s the coolest drug. It makes you be in a coma state and yet when people come into the room to talk to you… You snap out of the coma immediately and talk to them like you are ‘fine’ and not taking anything. Then once the person leaves… You go back into that ‘coma’ state. It’s the coolest thing. They use it for really sick patients because this way it allows them to be in a coma and get all the benefits of being in a medically inducted coma, but then when needed, they can test your neurological functions easily because patients that are extremely sick and fragile need to have their neurological functions tested frequently because it’s so important. So at least that should help with the pain and also pass the time.

After all we are going to be there for such a long time. We will be there for at least 7-8 weeks. It all depends on what happens. I will be having multiple surgeries because of how sick I am. My entire body is literally dying and shutting down. I need so many surgeries and need them in preparation for the big surgery of getting my colon removed and the multivisceral transplant. After all… I have no reserves and any surgery right now is extremely dangerous and risky…especially having your colon removed and the transplant. In fact… The transplant is the most dangerous transplant you can have and only 6 hospitals in the country do it.  I only weigh in the 60s and therefore, it makes any surgery especially dangerous because I can’t heal like a typical patient I will not be able to recover.

So they are going to be doing various surgeries to try to save my organs and to help make me stronger for the next surgery that will be taking place. Therefore, I need heart surgery, colon surgery, etc.

Heart iStock pic (1)The first surgery that will be taking place is heart surgery. I need to have calcium calcifications removed from the coronary arteries and I need to have ports placed into my heart and chest as well. The ports are going to be used for various reasons. They are going to serve as ’emergency access’ in case something should happen.  I also will need the ports so that I won’t have to be constantly stuck to be given drugs and IV and everything. After all… Like I said before… Not only is constantly being stuck by needles painful, but it can also spread my illness and we want to try to minimize that as much as possible. Finally, those ports are also going to be a way they are going to try to ‘feed’ me. I need these ports to feed me because not only do they want me to try to gain weight and get some strength so I can undergo and recover from these massive surgeries, but weighing in the 60s is extremely dangerous. I look like an emaciated skeleton.

So they are going to try to ‘feed’ me through these ports too. After my colon is removed I won’t really be eating until I get the transplant. So I am trying to eat as much as possible right now because I don’t want to say ever that I should have had this or should have had that. After all… Even though I do need the transplant, we won’t know exactly when that will be because I need not just one organ but a few (so I have to wait for a donor and who knows when that will be). I need a small and large intestines, pancreas, liver, and stomach. We won’t know even how ‘urgent’ it is even though we know it is pretty urgent right now until the surgeons actually get inside and see the small intestines when they remove the colon. So I need to be fed someway or another because u can’t not eat at all… So they are hoping that I can be fed successfully through the ports.

We are hoping that it will work and I will be able to have the TPN through the central lines in my heart because I have failed TPN so many times already. I have had various ways of doctors trying to feed me such as through NG (nasogastric tubes), PICC lines, G -tubes, J-tubes, etc., but none have been successful.

I have to also decide what type of ports I want into my heart. There are really 4 types that I can have and they all have their benefits and negatives. Yet all go through the heart (through the vena cavas), it just a matter where it comes out of you. It really matters to me because it isn’t something that will just be in for a few days. This will be in for weeks… Possibly months.

The first way I can have it is by having it come out of my jugular vein in my neck, which I am kind of against. This one has the least complications but it’s so obvious because it’s coming out of your neck. I really don’t wanna see it. Plus something about knowing that it’s coming out of the ‘jugular’ really freaks me out. Yet, on the plus side of the coin… When it comes to her massive surgeries like the removal of the colon and transplant, I might get away with not having to have another ‘central line’ placed in me. It will be big enough for the TPN and to have so many fluids and blood and everything else that is needed during the surgeries. So that’s good. But it isn’t good enough reason for me to go with it.

The second option is one that comes out of the femoral artery, which is in the thigh/groin region. The doc said that he is not a fan of that one because it has a chance of too many infections, which is something I can’t afford.

Then third option is out of the clavicle region. It’s got a chance of causing a pneumothorax, which is the popping of a lung. I am a pro at that because I already had one of those and it was the worst. But the doc said that being so thin is a definitely plus with this line and diminishes the risk. This port is called a HICKMAN line and it will also hopefully enable me to not to need another line drawn during the surgery. This line will be big enough to hopefully do everything like the one from the jugular.

Finally… I can get a PICC line, which is out of the arm. I like this one because it is the nicest looking and everything, but the thing is that it can’t stay in as long as the others. The complication rate is the highest from this one and it will need to be changed more frequently than the others. It also has the higher chance of getting infected. But it’s also the tiniest too, which will also maybe make it more comfortable when they run the TPN because remember that I can’t even tolerate an IV running because it feels like glass going through my veins. But as since this line is the smallest and will essentially slow the rate of the TPN (which may make it feel better than the other lines), it will also mean that for sure I will have to have another central line placed for the colon and other massive surgeries because it won’t be big enough to run TPN and all those fluids and blood and everything else that is needed. In a emergency, you need to get lots of fluids in as possible… Especially blood. There’s no way that a PICC can do it. So even though it might be more ‘comfortable’ for TPN to be run, I don’t want to have to have another central line placed or have to constantly have this one changed either because of infections and stuff.

So I have a lot to think of. I probably will go with either a Hickman or PICC. But out of those two… Probably a Hickman. But I am not 100% sure. I still have some time to decide but I have to make my decision soon. The Hickman is also more intensive of an operation than the PICC… So I have a lot to consider.

Another drug that they are going to give me is a drug called EXPAREL. It’s a long lasting lidocaine.  The doctor said that when you get this drug, it kills the pain at the site for three days, whereas lidocaine is one temporary. He said that this drug works so well that they give it to people who have hernia surgery and they are walking around pain-free afterwards. He said, “it’s another amazing drug and trick up the sleeve!” The doctors will just keep injecting it at the sites when needed so that will help too.

He told me that they will not be afraid to give me pain meds either. Whereas when I am in the hospital here, the doctors and nurses are extremely afraid because of my low blood pressure and pulse. After all… These drugs drop pulses and blood pressure even more. Mine is already so low that sometimes I have to sleep with the paddles next to me just in case. But the doc said that here at the Cleveland Clinic… They won’t be like that. They are used to people in tough situations and such.

They also have at the Cleveland Clinic a team called a AMET team. You can activate it yourself if not doing well and in pain. When you activate it, the team (which is made up of a pulmonary doc, anesthesiologist, and two others) has to be at you within 10 min at the most. This made me feel better because if I am really not feeling well or having a autonomic dysfunction attack, I can activate them and they can put me immediately into a ketamine-induced coma to get me out of my suffering.

475519_10101228526974080_5778732194525628730_oI will be in the hospital basically the entire time. A lot of the time I will be in the ICU because of the care I need and because they don’t do ketamine on the regular floors. But the docs said that if I do get strong enough, I can go back to the hotel for a few nights until the next surgery to stay with my dad. The hotel is part of the hospital, so it isn’t really like I am ‘leaving’ the hospital per se and if anything goes wrong… I am a phone call away. In fact, I can even activate the AMET team from the hotel and they will bring me right into the ICU and put me into a ketamine-induced coma. I won’t have to ever worry about going through the ER because it would be a disaster

So besides the chest port and having the heart surgery to remove the calcium calcifications from the coronary arteries, I will need other surgeries besides the colon removal too. I will also need most likely to have a pacemaker placed in me because of my extreme bradycardia and Autonomic Dysfunction. However it isn’t a definite because they are hoping that my heart might ‘wake up’ and become stronger on its own once I start getting TPN. But it’s highly unlikely that will happen. If I do get the pacemaker, it will be a more intensive surgery than for a typical patient because I can’t have it placed where it would be normally placed. I need to have it put under the muscle and bone because of how thin I am. If we didn’t, it can easily erode the skin and become infected, which is something we can’t afford especially when it comes to the heart. You know?

They want me to have as much time with the TPN as possible so that I can be as strong as possible with for the removal of my colon since it is one massive operation. So whereas the chest ports are scheduled for April 18th, the removal of the colon is scheduled for may 11th. I am really getting sick and they really want me to come as soon as possible.  The soonest I get there… The sooner they will do the heart surgery to put the ports in and start the TPN. Not only will it hopefully save my life because I will be at the Cleveland Clinic sooner rather than later, but it will also give me more time with the TPN too for the colon surgery.

Even though that could be a big plus in going earlier, it would also mean staying there longer because they won’t up the removal of my colon. We can’t even pay for the surgeries and the stay the way it’s arranged now, which is for about 7-8 weeks (I will have to stay in the hospital and ICU for about a week after the colon is removed and then another week or two in the hotel to make certain that I am stable enough to come back to new York. After all… The Cleveland Clinic isn’t exactly around the corner so they have to make sure that I am string enough not to need them or that I won’t be having any emergencies. You know?

The one thing that stinks is that I’ll be missing mother’s day. I won’t even get to see my mom during all that time because she won’t be able to come with us. We can’t even afford the trio for my dad and me… There’s no way she can come too. Plus someone had to stay behind to try to keep things going and stuff. So thank goodness for Facetime because we will be doing that a lot.

One of the many good qualities of my doc also is that he knows where we are coming with due to the money issue. He was in a very similar boat as us because he didn’t grow up in a wealthy environment either. In fact he had to worry about money too when his father had back surgery at the Cleveland Clinic, so he knows where we r coming from. He told me that a room at the Cleveland Clinic back then was like $70,000.  So we really are going to need help even though the insurance company will cover some.

We know this stay is definitely not going to be cheap. That’s why we desperately need help in raising money. The hotel that we are staying at I’d giving us a break because I am a ‘transplant’ patient. I would never ever think that this hotel would cost so much especially since they know that it’s patients that stay there and it’s part of the hospital because it’s connected to it. I also can’t believe that only ‘transplant’ patients really get a discount. How are patients ever supposed to pay for staying at the hospital because even being a transplant patient and getting that huge discount… The cost is still astronomical (like over $130 per night). Gosh… When I think of spending about 8 weeks there, I get sick. I don’t know how we are going to afford this.

One benefit of being a patient of the Cleveland Clinic is that you can get any type of food delivered even if the place doesn’t technically deliver. The doc said that you can order basically all over the area and they will bring it. That’s good to know because the food St the hotel is also very expensive. My doc said that he has only eaten there maybe less than 10 times and it has only been when he had a gift certificate for like $50. He said that this just bought him a appetizer and a beer.

10320291_10101435229625310_984306568784720927_nSo if you can think of any way of fundraising… Much appreciated. I am still selling bracelets in blue or pink that says HELP SAVE FALLON for $5 please inbox me if interested. I also am selling chocolate lollipops in the shapes of roses. They cost $1 each. If interested in buying or even selling… Please inbox me. I desperately need all the help I can get because I can’t let money stand in the way anymore. I’m at the point where I’m barely hanging on and will not make it much longer. Please don’t let me die. Please help me.

10259947_10101435229645270_1139888954897600383_nBesides trying to make sure that we have the funds available to go to Cleveland Clinic in April, I have to really make sure that I can “hold out!” I really don’t want to be forced to go down earlier because we definitely can’t afford it. We definitely can’t afford any emergencies such as to have to go to the hospital and be heliported because it would be just so expensive. So I just gotta hang in there as long as possible!

It really hasn’t been easy though. In fact, I have been doing really badly lately. I think you probably figured that out though because of the amount of blogs that I have been writing. I used to be such a big writer and wrote all the time. Now it takes me so long to even get to write one.

I have been spending my days really unable to get out of bed. I have never been like this. I have always been a person that no matter what… I used to push myself out of bed and get dressed, and look as good as could be. I was a big believer that if you “looked great” than you “felt great.” But unfortunately I have been having a hard time just getting out of bed. I literally spend basically the whole entire day in bed because I am too weak and in pain to get out. I can’t believe what my life has turned into. In fact,

11020244_10101473448449480_8553685181197375770_n-1But at least I have my buddies to keep me company. My cat and dog are really my best friends. I don’t know what I would do without them. I am really going to miss them when I go to Cleveland. After all, my cat Missy is like my babysitter. She literally talks to me in cat language… meowing… like I can understand her. I talk back to her, but I of course have no idea what she is saying. She is my babysitter though because whenever I am doing worse than usual, she remains by my side and there have been so many times when she actually has alerted my parents that I am in distress. It is really amazing.

10690231_10101456818765500_6526701762188008418_nWhen we go to Cleveland though, I won’t have them. I am certainly going to miss them. Missy, my cat, will be celebrating her 11th birthday while I am gone. I don’t know what my dad is going to do. I certainly wish I could bring my dog for him. After all, Max is the only thing that calms him down. He is like my dad’s best friend even though Max is technically my dog. My dad is under so much stress and everything, but the only thing that calms him down is Max. Sometimes I think he is happier to see the dog than he is to see any of us when he comes home. He takes such good care of Max and spoils him badly.

In addition, the doctors also have recently tried changing my medication lately to try to make me more comfortable. I really don’t want to be on all these medications, as I take more medications than a 300 lb. person can tolerate and here I am… only 60 lbs. and I am taking all these medications that can probably kill a horse. I take everything from Methadone to Ketamine to Dilaudid to Morphine to Klonopin to more. I take on a daily basis over 50 pills. Yet, the doctors have told me that if I ever want to come off the meds, I would literally have to be placed in a coma and be detoxed because I would die otherwise since my body is so dependent on it.

So I am also hoping when I go to the Cleveland Clinic that this perhaps can be done because I will be in so many comas because of the surgeries. I am hoping and praying that they will be able to detox me and I won’t have to take all these pills anymore.

But in the meantime, there is this one medication that I am on called AVINZA, which is really morphine that my body is very heavily addicted to. This is the one drug that I can’t even go down any little bit of mg or even miss a time of dose because I will suffer big time for it and go into severe autonomic dysfunction. However, there is another drug that is morphine called KADIAN and we thought that it would be a better drug for me and wouldn’t be such a big deal to switch since it was still “morphine.” However, the switch tended to be a really BAD idea and I suffered big time for it. I ended up having to be switched back to the AVINZA. I was in so much pain that thankfully I had the procedure to work on my colon the following day, so the drugs that they gave me during the procedure helped a bit. I told the doctor that if I wasn’t there for my colon, I probably would have ended up in the ER with how badly I was feeling.

So I guess that is about it for right now. I have been trying to do some reading to keep my brain at least somewhat functioning as much as possible. So I am trying to read FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY. I am probably the only person in the world who hasn’t read it as of yet.

10897754_10101385674748680_1733024871216687875_nI want to thank you again for all your continued prayers and support. I definitely wouldn’t be able to make it this far without them. You really have played an important role in helping me survive up until now. I am so fortunate for all the wonderful and thoughtful donations that have been given and have given me the ability to receive treatment and receive my medication that I wouldn’t have been able to get otherwise. Please continue to pray and follow my story, as I need as many prayers as possible during this time of need.

Thanks again,



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February 25, 2015


Just wanted to write a quick little note of what is happening because a lot has taken place in the past couple of days. In addition I am not feeling well at all tonight. It is a feeling that I never have had before and I am hoping will pass, but if this is the end… I want to make sure that I get this last blog out. I also am hoping that by writing, it will help me get through the night because ideally I should be leaving for the hospital rather than writing this stupid thing… but like usual… I am staying at home… praying and hoping that this just ‘passes.’ After all, the hospital is the last place I want to be because they honestly don’t know what to do with me and only make things worse because I can’t be treated like a typical patient.

I spoke to my doctors in Cleveland Clinic, and they told me that I really need to get to them ASAP. They think that they can save my life and help me, but the trick is getting to them before it is too late. They also told me that if anything should ever happen to me, that I should transferred immediately to Cleveland Clinic. But of course it is easier said than done. We all know how expensive a transfer to Cleveland would be. I am sure that to be heliported… it is something that I am going to be responsible for… which is something I probably definitely can’t afford. I can’t even afford a plane ticket and a regular trip to Cleveland Clinic… let alone a heliported trip.

The doctors at the Cleveland Clinic have the advantage of getting a private plane sent for them wherever they are in the world; the plane will literally pick them up or a family member up and bring them to the Cleveland Clinic. Of course that comes at a cost though. My doctor said that one time he had it done for one of his buddies who go sick in Mexico and when he got the bill, he could have bought a house for that cost. But, my doctor did offer me that option if things got so very bad and nasty as well in addition to going to a local hospital and being heliported right to Cleveland. But like I said before… money is a huge problem and plays a huge role in every decision we make and as a result, I doubt that private plane will be sent here to come and get me.

I’ve just honestly been hanging out tonight and praying that it will all pass. I am extremely nervous because I never felt this way before. I know that I am rapidly deteriorating and even though in the past I have made it through all this “bad” stuff even though we were uncertain if I would last through the day/night…. This time we just are not quite sure. These are symptoms that I have not ever experienced. I always question when to push the panic button.

I don’t want to go to the hospital and be transferred if there is nothing to worry about. Yet, with everything that is happening to me… I don’t know when that time is to “worry about.” I know that in the past I have been fortunate to have these episodes to “pass” but I know I will not always be that lucky…. Especially when I am rapidly deteriorating and I am at the point where the wire can snap and the floor can fall out from underneath me at any time.

So when I asked the doctors this famous question, they really didn’t have an answer for me. They said, “If things are getting worse,” “If things are different,” etc.… much like today. But here I am… stupid me… still holding out and playing the waiting and seeing game. I am still hoping and praying that things will just pass even though I know one of these days I will not be so lucky especially since I am really worsening. It is only a matter of time that something really severe will happen and staying home is going to be the real wrong option. I am hoping that this is not one of these times.

But as I lay here waiting to see what happens and see if it passes, as I am short of breath and having severe chest pains and being extremely weak, I figured that I would write to you and let you all know what is happening just in case something happens and I can’t write for awhile, as well as a way to hopefully pass the time of night so hopefully this is just another time that the longer we wait…it will pass even though everything that I have tried that usually helps has not helped. I have tried all my meds and even had the ketamine tonight, but nothing is working. My body is still suffering with tremendous pain, spasms, pains in my chest, aspirating, thirst, etc. But I made it this long and I am hoping I can make it longer.

In fact… when I speak to my doctors, they are so surprised that I am even still alive. No doctor even believes that I am alive still. They thought that I would have ‘died’ a long time ago because of how sick I am and how much I weigh. After all… we are playing around with someone that only weighs in the 60s. But I have surprised them! I told them that I am a “fighter” and I am the energizer battery. I keep going and going and going. I am going to be their longest living patient. But even though in the past I have been able to fight so well and hide my illness, I have really taken a turn for the worse and to be quite honest with you… I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this. I know that if I don’t get the help that I need soon… I am not going to make it much longer. I just don’t have the same capacity to “fight” anymore. I am just too tired! I am tired emotionally, physically, psychologically, and medically. I hope you can understand where I am coming from.

Anyway, I think it is important to write about it because not only do I need to get my thoughts out on paper and I promised to keep you up-to-date on everything that is happening, my next step in treatment is really dependent on others and I desperately need it to happen sooner rather than later because I don’t have a lot of time left unfortunately.

I know I have been pleading a lot lately for donations and for help in fundraising… and it can get quite annoying. However, take a step in my shoes because I don’t want to die. I know that I am on the brink of disaster and rapidly deteriorating, and yet… my next step in treatment that can potentially save my life is so dependent on others. We have tried so many years to pay for the care for me and unfortunately with an expensive disease that I have where you have to especially encounter traveling costs because only limited doctors throughout the world are knowledgeable about my illness and when only insurance companies will cover only so very much and force you to pay out-of-pocket because my case is a ‘rarity’ and requires expensive, experimental, and radical treatment… money does run out! It isn’t like I have been sick for a few days or even years either. So there is no wonder why we can’t afford treatment. After all, money doesn’t last forever nor does it grow on trees. So… in order for me to continue to receive the medical care that I desperately need, I really need the help of others because we can’t afford it on our own.

I am rapidly deteriorating and know that I am basically hanging on by a thread. I know how crucial these treatments are and how if I don’t get them, I will definitely die. But, I at least want a chance of living. That is why I am praying and pleading with everyone to please donate and help me raise money. I desperately want to get the funds because I need this treatment to save my life and I am too young to die. I haven’t yet got to experience “life”, as there is so much more to do. I have been diagnosed with this illness at such a young age that I never got to live out my life or my dreams. I never even became the doctor that I always dreamed of becoming so that I could help others. So I still have a lot to do… so hopefully I will still be able to have the ability to have it happen.

Well… everything is basically all set… all I need is the funds to get to Cleveland Clinic. I have been on the phone with my doctors constantly, as I even have their cell numbers. They know that if I have any chance at all… it is with them and it is a matter of getting to them before it is too late. I do have to say that I have never felt so comfortable with a team of doctors or hospital. After speaking to them constantly, I have been soooooo comfortable talking to them. They have really made me so less scared about everything that is going to happen when I get there.

You would think that with everything that I have been through and with all the hospitalizations that I have had… I would have experienced it all and there would not be any fear in me anymore. But to be honest… It is actually the reverse, I am so nervous because I know how hypersensitive I am and how I can’t be treated like a ‘typical’ patient and everything. I know how much worse that I usually get by going to the hospital, which is a huge reason why I don’t go to the hospital when I feel extremely ill and we don’t even know if I am going to make it through a day/night. But, I have learned how the Cleveland Clinic is so different than any other place I have ever been and that is why when I go to the hospital (even here)… the first thing that I say is to be “transferred” to Cleveland!

The doctors at the Cleveland Clinic are simply amazing… especially the doctors on my team. Now I know why they are ranked like the #1 hospital in the United States. My head doctor that is going to be taken care of me told me how much a ‘team’ approach goes into your care at the Cleveland Clinic. Even though I am going to be admitted under the surgeon for the transplant team, he will only be playing a limited role in my care, as he is just the ‘technician’ to do the cutting and transplant. I found that there are specific team members on my team that are terrific specialists and what makes them amazing also is that if they can’t ‘contribute’ big time to a patient’s care… they get ‘fired!’ so the Cleveland Clinic only has on staff the best and brightest doctors as it is!

I also feel better because my head doctor that took over my care is someone I trust. He admitted to me that I am “one big hot mess” and going to need A LOT of care and a lot of TLC. In fact, his actual role in the whole team is to be the anesthesiologist, but the entire team knows he is in charge because whatever he says goes. He is the most familiar with my illness and he knows what I am going to need (basically a private doctor around the clock and someone able to get something done in a minutes notice). Even though he can’t officially “admit” me under his name because he is just the anesthesiologist on the team, the whole team totally recognizes how he is in charge of me. In fact, he not only is the most knowledgeable in my care, and it going to be the most responsible, but he is also head of the anesthesiology dept. as well. He is the most amazing doctor I have ever met. He said that when I make it through this… he is going to write a paper on me and I will be able to ‘coauthor’ it.

He really makes me feel hopeful that things are going to happen. He even said I can call him anytime and if he is ever home and I need him… it would be no big deal for him to come into t he hospital for anything. He also told me that when I am hospitalized that even though he is basically head of the anesthesiology department, he will have his days focused on my care and therefore, he won’t be taking on a heavy case load like he normally does. I told Dr. Keebler that he is the doctor that I only hope that I become because he is such a terrific doctor. I told him also that when I come to see him that I am going to bring him “Keebler” cookies. He is willing to do anything and everything to help me out and be as honest as possible with me about everything. He said he will never lie to me about anything and I can always count on him to tell me the truth. He also said that he would always put me asleep for even procedures that patients are normally awake for. He is just one amazing doctor. Have I mentioned yet how outstanding he is?

Dr. Keebler, which happens to be his name and my miracle doctor as I tell him, knows exactly how I am feeling. Not only does he calm me down, but also he as has restored hope in me that I have lost a while ago. He told me that I could always count on him to tell me the honest and to tell me if I am “getting better” or even “getting worse!” He told me that even though I may not know what he has to say, he will always be utmost upfront with me and honest with me. It really makes me feel good that he will be HONEST with me and tell me everything straightforward because I have had so many doctors just hold me false information or just let me stay in a hospital and let me dwindle because they had no answers. Dr. Keebler knows exactly where we are coming from and understands our circumstances… especially out financial, which is a huge asset!

One thing that totally freaks me out is not being told the truth because due to my extreme gastroparesis, autonomic dysfunction, etc., I have trouble swallowing. Therefore, I can also lose the ability to swallow at anytime. I would hate for this to happen because it would take away my chances to “die peacefully.” I am sure that you all heard of the Elizabeth Maynard story by now. But let me tell you this… I have wanted this and talking about this long before she has… so it isn’t something that I heard and just decided to jump on it.

I don’t want to suffer anymore. I am so tired of suffering emotionally, physically, and psychologically. It isn’t fair that they can put animals to sleep so that they don’t have to “suffer” and yet for humans… we have to undergo all that hurt still. So I have begged my dad over and over again to take me to a state where I can “die with dignity.” With this… it means that I will be in control of my own death and if things get so bad that I can’t take it anymore… I can die at home peacefully. Even though my parents don’t want to hear of such a thing, it is something that I still carry with me everyday and something I think about everyday because I don’t want this suffering anymore.

I did not want this nightmare scenario for my family, which was my family to suffer more and to watch me deteriorate immensely or just lay there paralyzed. Because my brain is still kind of “healthy” and everything and I am so young, I was scared to physically to physically hang on for a long time even though I was suffering from all this. After all, no doctors thought I would have lasted this long and yet I am still here. I probably would have suffered in hospice care for weeks or even months. And my family would have had to watch that. So I started researching death with dignity. It is an end-of-life option for mentally competent, terminally ill patients with a prognosis of six months or less to live. It would enable me to use the medical practice of aid in dying: I could request and receive a prescription from a physician for medication that I could self-ingest to end my dying process if it becomes unbearable. I quickly decided that death with dignity was the best option for my family and me. But, of course it hasn’t been an easy process conniving my parents about this and in order to do this option right now, I can’t do it in New York. I am not suicidal. If I were, I would have consumed that medication long ago. I do not want to die. But I am dying. And I want to die on my own terms.

As of right now only 5 states have this ability and in order for this to happen, you have to be able to swallow the pills. I am so afraid that I am going to get so bad, which is a real possibility because I am already having difficulty swallowing and doctors literally have to remove things (i.e. pills) out of my esophagus because they don’t go down and dissolve where they are supposed to, that this won’t be an option to me anymore. I don’t want to be forced to stay like this and have this right taken away from me. So to know that I will have doctors tell me the truth, it really comforts me because I know that I will hopefully still have enough time even with all this to still go through with this plan should it be necessary instead of running out of time in the hospital. You know?

So as of right now I am scheduled to leave for the Cleveland Clinic April 20th. That leaves me about 1-½ months to get funds in order because we know that this trip is going to be extremely expensive, as we will have to worry about living in Cleveland for at least 7-8 weeks. Not only have to worry about paying for the treatment, traveling costs, hotel, etc., but I also have to worry about the medications and treatment cost of the day-to-day treatment here to buy me time so that I can get to Cleveland Clinic at that time. After all, money doesn’t grow on trees and my insurance doesn’t cover everything… in fact they cover very little both because my disease is extremely expensive, considered experimental, have treatments and I see doctors that are ‘out of state’ and therefore considered ‘out of network,’ and even the medications that I do take aren’t covered by insurances. I take over 50 pills daily, which also includes injections. These meds are extremely expensive… even with paying just the copayments. In addition, most of these meds aren’t even covered by insurance, as I have to get them out of the country or compounded especially for me or not even able to be ordered and bought in the United States. Even the stuff that are covered by the insurance such as the appointments, nothing is still “free” and I have to worry about the costly copayments that add up so quickly to astronomical means.

You know it is so sad of what the insurance does pay for. We need help even to help pay for our monthly insurance because if we don’t have any insurance whatsoever, we would be in even worse shape. Yet, it is amazing how we pay so much for insurance and yet when you need it… they barely pay for nothing.

Anyway… I really need to get to the Cleveland Clinic because they are absolutely the BEST place to be. They have drugs there that cannot be given or received anywhere else… which will hopefully help me get through the necessary surgeries that I require to save my life because I am supersensitive and these surgeries can extremely exacerbate my illness and spread it, which essentially can kill me.

Anyway… I am going to leave hopefully April 11th (if they doctors can’t get me there sooner) to start everything. The doctors would love to have me come down tomorrow to get things started, but unfortunately one of the surgeries to complete the puzzle, which is the major surgery to take out my colon, cannot be done until a latter date and although it would be at the very best interest to go and start the surgeries now and this way I can maximize the TPN usage and everything else, we really cannot wait that long in Cleveland until the transplant team removes my colon because we don’t have the finances to do so. As it is with putting all the surgeries together, we will have to stay there for at least 7-8 weeks, which is something we definitely don’t know how we are going to afford. My dad has to work as well because he owns his own business and there are bills to pay. Without him working, how are we going to make money to even attempt to pay for my medical bills or house bills at home? As it is we can’t even afford our mortgage and are at risk of having our house taken away. The bills are snowballing out of proportion at home because everything has been going towards my medical care, and as a result, we have not been able to pay the mortgage or the very necessary bills that need to be paid such as the water and electric bill, etc.   We even have trouble buying and putting food on the table. It is just simply a disaster and therefore, the less time my dad stays away from working… the better we are even though it may not be in the best interest for me medically. Yet, I would put myself on the back burner because my family is so important to me. I don’t want anything to happen them. They suffered and gave up enough for me. If anything ever happened to them or they lost the house or anything… I would never forgive myself!

So we really need to have this very well coordinated. My transplant surgeon to remove the colon has canceled all his surgeries because he is writing a huge paper and making a huge presentation at the end of August. So he is just focusing on that right now. But, knowing how horrible I am doing, we are hoping he will be able to make an exception and even though he won’t be around during the week to operate because of his lecture series, we are hoping that he perhaps can operate on a Saturday or something so that he can get both done and essentially I can then have my operation sooner rather than later.

The first step in the surgeries is getting a central line placed in me. I need it not only for surgery because I need emergency access into me and a place where they can replace fluids fast, but I also need a port where I can get nutrition such as TPN. The doctors want to try giving me TPN again through a central line, even though I have failed it miserably in the past because they are so afraid that I won’t be able to heal or make it through the surgery at all because I have no reserves to heal. After all, all I only weigh in the 60s and all my organs (including my brain and heat) are literally shutting down and starving for food!

Yet, any surgery or foreign objects that will be placed in me will cause me great harm and can literally kill me because it will stir up and exacerbate and spread my neurological disease (RSD) as well as my autonomic dysfunction. Therefore, I really need special care to be done to me when I am in Cleveland. Dr. Keebler, the anesthesiologist, will assume the primary role and make sure that I am comfortable and well taken care of. He said that he would prescribe me and use whatever is needed. He said, ‘if I break into autonomic dysfunction and need to be knocked out into a coma or something, I am only a phone call away from the ICU since that is the only place that this can happen.’ I will already be in the ICU plenty because I will be given plenty of drugs including Ketamine, which cannot be administered on a typical regular floor. He also said that I could activate an AMET team anytime… whether I am on the floor of the hospital or even the hotel.

When I activate an AMET team, a whole team will arrive in a matter of 10 minutes; they are a rapid response team for stabilization of medical or surgical in-patients. In addition, they are all buddies of his and he said that will mean that he will constantly be contacted and in the mix. So basically whatever he says goes and I am at a place and working with a doctor that is not afraid of taking chances. Whereas before, doctors and hospital staff were afraid of me because of how sick and fragile I am, he is not afraid. He is willing to do surgery with a heart rate in the 30s, give me as much pain medication with a heart rate like that blood pressure 70/30, etc. Whereas I am passed around like a hot potato everywhere else… I am not going to be one here. They get all the hot cases that no one wants to deal with.

So in short, the Cleveland Clinic Main Campus is a complex system of clinical and non-clinical areas covering several city blocks. A comprehensive MET system for the main campus has been effective in providing rapid response coverage to all areas. These MET team efforts have effectively reduced code blue events in clinical areas, as well as increase awareness and activation of AMET for non-code blue events. We consistently outperform comparison hospitals regarding survival metrics and gold standard metrics in reference to code blue or CPR performance. The metrics can be followed to increase training in in-patient areas with frequent responses and outpatient areas covered by MERT. AMET nurses are currently engaged in team training for many hospital patient care areas. So if I should have anything worsening with my illness or be getting an exacerbation of my autonomic dysfunction, I can activate this amazing system, which will bring me right to the ICU and they will ‘knock me out.’ I will be able to skip the ER and everything else… that is a blessing in itself because you know that can be a disaster going trough there because you can wait hours. Instead, I will be helped in a matter of minutes.

Putting the chest port in is going to be a complicated procedure. There are 3 places that we can place it… one in the jugular vein, one under the subclavical or one in the arm. In terms of getting TPN only… the arm is the best. But in terms being used for both the surgery and TPN, the one under the subclavical probably would work best. It will go right into my heart and hopefully prevent me from having to get another central port when I go in for surgery for the massive surgery to take out my colon.

We all know that this surgery is going to really mess around with my illness and I am going to need a lot of care afterwards. Therefore, doctor Keebler has told me that he will always be around…no matter what time of day to be contacted… whether it is by hospital staff or me. He even said that he would be taking on a ‘lighter’ schedule than usual because I am going to need a lot of care. Who could ask for a better doctor? He is such a caring doctor that was willing even to cancel his vacation in July if I am still there. I told him I wouldn’t want him to do something like that… but for him to offer something like this… you can see how much of a caring doctor he is.

He also promised me that he would be straightforward with me. He said that there is 2 ways this can go… either getting me better or getting me worst. He made me a promise that if I am getting worse, he will be the first to tell me and will not leave it up to my dad, someone who will do anything to keep his daughter alive, to make decisions. He told me that he would be an advocate for me so that I don’t end up living out my last days there or remaining on a ventilator or anything on those lines.

The trick to having all these upcoming operations is first to get this chest port in and the TPN running because I am going to need it in order to ‘heal’ from anything that occurring. So they are going to be using drugs that they don’t use elsewhere. They have drugs there such as ketamine to help, epidurals, experil, and this new drug that keeps you like in a comatose state but when someone wants to talk to you… you will be able to answer. I am not quite sure of the name, but I will find out. The experil is a long lasting lidocaine so it will last 3 days rather than wear off right away. So hopefully between everything… I will be kept comfortable.

I also will be evaluated for a pacemaker. So not only will I have heart surgery to put the central lines in, but I will most likely have it to place the pacemaker in as well. However, we want to see my reaction to the TPN before we do anything. Doctors here always wanted to do a pacemaker, but they were fearful of me because of my complicated history. They said that with the condition I am in and the disease and weight… They want to put the pacemaker under the bone. They can’t put it superficially like they usually do because I’m too small. They said it would be infected too easily and get eroded. So they said that the procedure would be much more intensive than the regular implanting of a pacemaker in a regular patient because I have to have the pacemaker put under the muscle and bone.   The docs think the pacemaker is a good idea because even though I may not officially warrant one… With the autonomic dysfunction and everything else… It’s a good idea. After all my pulse drops at night into the 30s and when I am hospitalized they usually have the paddles near me because I freak them out.

The doctors are going to try to make me as comfortable as possible so hopefully I will be able to tolerate enough TPN because I will definitely need it for the upcoming surgery that will be taking place May 11th, which is when my colon is being removed. That is going to be one massive surgery, but I am having the best surgeon in the world do the surgery. In fact, when we heard that my surgeon was going to be no accepting cases for awhile because of the fact that he had his paper to do… we tried to get in with another team such as the colorectal surgeons, and the surgeons said that I was way too complicated and need to be with Dr. Kareem, who is the head of transplant.

One thing that bothers me about having surgery this time is that I will miss my kittie’s birthday. She will be turning 11, but I told her that we will have the biggest birthday party before and after. After all, she is my best friend and she is the one who has been helping me get through all this, as well as being my babysitter. She will literally alert my parents if something is wrong with me. It is amazing. Even when I am upset, she literally will cat talk to me (“meow”) even though I don’t understand her. I don’t know what I would do without her. I only wish I could bring her.

These surgeries are going to be extremely massive and extremely complicated. In fact, I don’t even think that I am saying as much as what is really happening with what I am writing. It is so hard to explain because of how much is occurring. But what gives me the biggest sense of relief is to know that if my autonomic dysfunction should act up, they will just rush me into the ICU and knock me out so I don’t feel anything at all as well as if things start to go wrong or there is no hope, my doctors will tell me and will be my biggest affidavit. I would do anything not to disturb the autonomic dysfunction because once that is disturbed… the illness goes haywire. It is the worst thing that you can imagine.

11010962_10101458859121610_6311185503642836930_nMy team of doctors is the greatest. They are going to do anything and everything when I get there to help me. Everyone in the hospital is going to know me so they will know how to handle me. What a way to be famous, right? I did tell the doctors that I plan on going to Medical School when I am better and fulfilling my dreams… so with all these medications that they are giving me, I didn’t want them to keep messing around with my brain.

Gosh I can only imagine if this surgery can work and my body accepts the TPN. Unfortunately my mom won’t be able to come with us because we can’t afford it, so it will be just my dad and me. Someone also has to stay back and watch the house, watch the business, and pay the bills. I am going to basically have to get a whole new wardrobe when I am there because hopefully I will gain so much weight from the TPN and everything that I will no longer look like an emaciated skeleton.

The doctor said that not even will he take care of me, but he will take care of my dad as well. The food in the hotel (even though the hotel is part of the hospital) is so expensive. So he said that I can get food delivered from basically anywhere in Cleveland (even if they don’t deliver). I am not sure about the logistics about it, but it should definitely come in handy because my dad has to eat and he always starves when we go places. We skip breakfast and lunch and then order the cheapest on the menu for dinner. By the time we go home… it his pants are so big that the buckle has to be made so much tighter. What a way to lose weight, right? But to be there for that long period of time… he definitely can’t afford to do this usual thing.

10259947_10101435229645270_1139888954897600383_nSo that appears all that is happening. In the meantime my goal is to just be able to get my day-to-day treatment to buy me time until we get down there, as well as raise enough money to get there as well. I am still selling bracelets that say “HELP FALLON” for $5 and they come in pink or blue. I am also selling chocolate lollipops (roses) as well as candy boxes and chocolate boxes (much of what people in high school sell when they do fundraisers). Each candy box has different items such as M&Ms, snickers, Hershey’s, etc. Then I have also the regular chocolate bars. They all go for $1 a piece. Finally, I am also selling the monster candy that you buy when you go to a movie theater such as the over package of M&Ms, Hershey, Chocolate Bars, etc. and they go for $2. If interested in buying or selling… please let me know. You can contact me at Femirsky@gmail.com. Anything that you can do to help me raise funds would be much appreciated.

chocolate-rose-fundraiserI really have to get to Cleveland Clinic sooner rather than later because I am getting so much worse. Not only am I getting worse… but also my blood work is all over the place. My White Blood Count is extremely high, my APPT (clotting) is high, lipases high, etc. The doctors are worried that the stuff that is rotting in my colon is actually causing me great problems and leading me down the road to sepsis.

We already know that I have an extremely dilated colon and it has an intussusception. Most people would need immediate emergency surgery, but thankfully (in a weird kind of way) my colon is dilated where I was able to exist with this intussusception. However, it doesn’t appear that I can make it much longer. I am having a harder than ever time going to the bathroom and we are really worried that all the stuff that is rotting and intestines are going to rupture or something… and then we will have real problems. As it is… I am having stuff leaking from my colon from the stuff that is sitting in my colon rotting that is intoxicating all my organs and shutting them down. But now it appears to be getting worse because my white blood count is so high. Even with the “cleaning out” surgeries that I have been undergoing weekly, the white count is rising dramatically. Something desperately needs to be done before it is too late.

a-plus-variety-candy-fundraiserI hate to repeat myself, but I just don’t know what to make of all this.  I know I am getting worse.  I know my blood work is out of whack with potassium in the 2s and elevated sodium levels. I am not too worried about those levels because I have had those levels running for a while.  Every so often I will bounce into the low 3 levels for the potassium (and even possibly pull out a 3.4 but that is a rarity).   I have an extremely high amylase level (nearing 300) and my prolactin level is extremely high as well (well over 100).  In addition, my glucose level is of course low as it is in the 50s.  But that is nothing new because that usually runs me between eh 50s and 60s.  I also know that I have an intussusception in my colon and when I went for the CT of the colon and the x-ray, the radiologist was extremely concerned about it.  The doctors said that ’thank goodness my colon is so dilated and floppy because I have been able to live with the intussusception and other stuff whereas others would need emergency surgery.”  When I have went for colonoscopies and stuff, it literally will take a whole room of doctors and nurses pushing and pulling and trying to navigate my intestines because they are so dilated and ‘floppy.’  It literally takes the doctor with all that help over an hour just to even get to the cecum.  When I was in California, the couldn’t wait for my colon to come out because everyone wants to know what this thing looks like already with all that is happening with it. Then not to sound nasty or disgusting or anything…but I usually have been having trouble going to the bathroom in general, as it feels like I am hitting a wall and it won’t come out. Yet now I am having even more problems and it feels like glue.  I am also leaking mucous all over the place at times, which forces me to have to change my clothes/bedding sometimes like 3-5 times in a single night.  I don’t know where this mucous is coming from, but it is not stool.  I am also having a problem swallowing even more. I told you about having difficulty swallowing and how everything gets stuck (even doctors have tor remove pills and stuff when doing an endoscopy because they are literally just sitting in my esophagus).  Even this problem too is getting significantly worse.  It just feels like whatever I take in is like glue coming out. I am just a complete mess.

I am also constantly thirsty. Even though my proteins are supposedly ok, I am so thirsty.  I can never quench my thirst and the more I drink… the worse I aspirate and fill up my lungs with water.  It is horrible.  I even have at least 2 bags of IV a week because I have the ketamine procedure and when I go for the “cleaning out/sigmoidoscopy”.  But even with those procedures and getting the extra IV bags, I still can’t quench my thirst. But I don’t know what to do because despite how thirsty I am… the more that I drink… the worse the lungs fill up with water and the worse I aspirate.  That is why I tell you that I need the littlest amount of fluids possible and everything (not only does it hurt going in through an IV line, but I have found that I can even feel like my lungs are filling up with water and aspirate based on just getting water through an IV, which to me doesn’t make any sense since it is going through a vein and bypassing the other stuff. But I have found that even IV makes me fill up with water and aspirate worse.  I only stop aspirating and I am a bit better when I come to Cleveland because I don’t drink really… so I let myself ‘dry’ out.  You know?

I am also hoping that it is going to warm up soon. I can’t take this cold weather anymore. It actually froze my toilet pipes and we couldn’t use the toilet one day. So I used my own contraption of a space heater and a hair blower, as well as the extensions that you put on vacuum cleaners. I put the extensions on the hair blower and tried to warm up the pipes while I had the space heater going below in the downstairs bathroom, which was right below the upstairs bathroom (hot air rises). After 2 ½ hours… success!! When the ice finally broke in the wall, it sounded like rocks coming down the wall. My dad came running to make sure that the pipe didn’t bust. That would have been all we would have needed after all that. Now we don’t take any chances. If the temperature is going to drop that low… we put the space heater in the bathroom and shut the door so hopefully we don’t run into the same problem again.

Well… that appears to be everything. I have ketamine in a few hours. Thank goodness because I am not feeling well at all. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that I went for the procedure to “clean me out” yesterday, but I am really suffering. Even when I was talking to my doctor tonight in Cleveland, he heard a drastic difference between today and yesterday. At least besides the ketamine, I will get getting my weekly dose of vitamins as well. When I go for ketamine weekly… Not only do I have ketamine and a block… But they also have me a vitamin bag as well. So I am getting vitamins once a week through IV because we all know I can’t absorb anything through my digestive system.

I wonder what they are going to do this time. Last time I went for ketamine I was suffering so much from headaches (much like I am doing now) and they ended up sticking needles in my occipital lobes and ran currents and radiofrequency through it. It really did help. But what didn’t make sense was that the sites where they placed the needles didn’t hurt until about 3-4 days afterwards. You would think that they would have hurt prior. So I don’t know why that happened.

In addition, I also underwent a block to try to control the pain. However, they didn’t use the regular steroids that they normally use. Instead, they used ketamine in the block to see if that would change anything. They didn’t tell me until afterwards, so it was kind of a ‘blinded study!” So with everything happening today and especially with everything happening and how I am feeling… I wonder what today is going to bring. I can’t wait to be knocked out with all that is happening

So what else is new? I am trying to keep my spirits up, but to be honest… it is hard. I have been trying to read even though it is getting harder and harder to concentrate. I have been trying to read FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. I know that I am so late with that book, but I figured better later than never. After all, the movie came out… so why not start to read the books. LOL. I think I did the same thing with the HARRY POTTER series. I don’t think I ever read those books even though people made such a big deal over them until the first movie was released. So hopefully this will be a great book and I will be able to finish it because that is a huge problem that I face.

In addition, I decided that I would try to make myself pancakes today. I know that I basically only have one more month of eating because I won’t be able to eat after these surgeries and until I get the transplant. I won’t know exactly when I will be getting the transplant until the surgery either because it all depends on what my small intestines look like when they take the colon out. So… I want to make sure that I try everything and taste everything so that even if I can’t get it down now… I can at least say I ‘tried’ it so I won’t miss it later on. So I decided to have pancakes and I was talked into making my own because I was told how ‘easy’ it was because it came all ‘complete’ and all you had to do was add water. Well… I did that and boy… my pancakes surely didn’t come out looking like pancakes. They came out looking like globs of something. At least they kinda tasted ok, but they definitely didn’t taste like pancakes.


Well… I guess that is about it for right now. I wrote enough and want to rest for a bit before I leave for the hospital for ketamine. Thanks again for all your kind support. Again, if you want to buy or sell candy, lollipops bracelets, etc. please let me know at Femirsky@gmail.com. Anyway of helping me to raise funds will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks again,


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February 14, 2015


I know… it has been quite some time since the last time I have written. It doesn’t mean that I had nothing to say or that nothing was the matter or that things weren’t worsening, but it was just the opposite. So much has actually been happening and to be quite frank with you, I am doing so horrible that writing these ‘blogs’ are actually getting harder to do.

But to be honest, even though these blogs might have to become less and less, I am hoping I will not have to stop them. These blogs are my only outlet to let me let out my feelings because I don’t have anyone to really ‘talk’ to (I can’t talk to my parents because they are working so hard and so overstressed that I don’t want to over burden them more with this stuff; Believe me… I already cause enough havoc and troubles in their lives. They are so exhausted as it is… they don’t need the extra burden of me laying my bothersome problems on then. Plus, with them working all the time. They come home so exhausted that they can’t really even handle anything more…. It also wouldn’t be fair to them either). In addition, this is a way for me to get my feelings out on paper and to seek things out. I also made a promise that I would let everyone know along the way what was happening because it is such a ‘mysterious’ disease that no one has really known about and this is the only way people are going to learn about it and bring attention towards it; it is the only way I can leave my legacy even though I would have much rather have became a doctor (my true dream). But things happen for a reason and this disease has not only been hurting me deeply all throughout it, but it has also taught me so much like how much to appreciate your health because it can be taken away in an instant and ‘health is wealth.’ Without your health, you really don’t have anything!

Finally, these blogs have been a way of trying to raise money for my lifesaving treatment. As you know these illness are very painful, debilitating, and life-threatening. They are also extremely costly to get the lifesaving treatment that I desperately need to save my life. But from being sick for such quite a while, we have used up all our funds and as a result, we don’t have the money for the treatment needed to save my life anymore. So I really need others to donate money so that I can get the treatment that I need to save my life. I know that I sound like a broken record already but without treatment I will die. I am rapidly deteriorating and desperately need help. Yet without the help of others… there is no way I can get it and the end result will be death. I am walking such a fine line right now that all I can do right now is plead through these letters.

Things have gotten so bad lately that I barely even move anymore. Any physical exertion is just way too much for me. I literally go up to my bedroom to take my medicine and pass out from them at 9 PM, and that is where I stay until about 1 in the afternoon the next day. Even that is getting too hard to get out of the bed at that time. But to spend so much time in bed… I know I have to at least get out of bed to do something before I officially ‘waste’ away. Even just getting up out of bed and going to the bathroom, which is the next room away is getting to be too much.

Anyway… I also wanted to write to you and let you know the latest as to what is happening. A lot has happened since the last blog. What a day I had today. It was such an unlucky day… but I was all putting it up to the fact of it being FRIDAY THE 13th. I am not usually “superstitious” and don’t believe in FRIDAY THE 13th, but with the luck that I was having… there was just no other answer. I had to blame it on something.

As usual, I had my usual surgery to clean out my intestines today because my GI tract is completely “dead.” Without the doctors cleaning them, nothing passes through and the doctors are afraid that I will perforate my intestines and I will go into sepsis or something and die. Then we would have a real disaster on our hands. Anything that I take in, whether it be food or meds that don’t end up getting vomited backup because of the extreme gastroparesis literally remains in my colon and rots. Therefore, I am getting toxins leaking into my bloodstream and they are intoxicating/poisoning my organs and brain, which is essentially killing me as well. So it is very important that I have these surgeries to try to clean out as much of the colon as possible because otherwise I am chancing perforating my intestines and going into Sepsis, as well as poisoning my entire body…. Including my brain.

However, due to my overall situation getting so much worse, my stomach is not emptying at all anymore basically. The anesthesiologists are getting petrified for putting me under anesthesia on a ‘full’ stomach because I can easily aspirate and then I will obviously die. So… the doctors are making me literally fast for 48-72 hours a week prior to the procedure, which is something I can’t afford. I weigh so little already (in the 60s) that even losing an ounce is extremely crucial and can be life and death.

So the doctors are saying that something has to be done ASAP and I have to get to Cleveland Clinic to have this surgery ASAP already because time is not on my side. I literally have only weeks on my side to live because if I don’t have these surgeries every week to be decompressed, I will die in a matter of weeks. The same goes the other way. If I fast for 48-72 hours every week so that I can have the surgeries to try to ‘buy’ this much needed time… I will die because I am going to lose way too much weight. So I am between a rock and a hard plate.

But in the meantime we don’t have the funds to go to Cleveland Clinic to have the necessary surgeries to save my life. That is why I am pleading to please help me with raising money because I desperately need these surgeries now or I am going to die. I desperately need surgery for my heart, placement of a central line, removal of my colon, and a multivisceral transplant. It is a lot and I will be there for quite some time. So not only do we have to worry about paying for the medical procedures, which thankfully we got the insurance to help out a bit with, but we still have to pay for the living expenses, medical expenses etc. In fact, we are even having trouble paying for my day-to-day treatment now to buy me time so that I can even make it to Cleveland. We can’t afford the appointments, copayments, procedures, medications, etc. because they are definitely not all covered by insurance and they are very expensive. My meds are extremely expensive, as I takeover 50 pills daily and they don’t even come from the US and some are injections. I also have to worry about traveling expenses and everything else. Our health insurance costs so very much as well, but we need to have it because the little that it does pay… at least it is paying for something. It stinks when you are sick. Health insurance is good when you don’t need it… once you do … watch out. Things are even more expensive for me too because all treatments that I get is out-of-the-state and therefore, I am not covered really by insurance.

So to start my day off horrible today, I didn’t have a good time today when I went for surgery. Unfortunately, we were a bit late to the hospital today because the girls in my doctor’s office told us a different time. I just so happened to have the recording on my voicemail to prove to the doctor that the girls told me a different time than I was supposed to be there, but the doctor didn’t want to hear it. Anyway… I ended up having to stay there even longer than usual and my meds wore off too during this time. So you can just imagine how much pain I was in. All I wanted was to go home already, but I knew how imperative and important it was to have this procedure doe.

Oh by the way… I found out that the anesthesiologist that I happened to love and used to always work on me happened to be the one that was the actual anesthesiologist that was in the room working on Joan Rivers when she died. It’s a shame it had to be her because she was really nice. I kept telling my dad that it had to be her, but we didn’t know for sure. However, the truth finally came out the other day that it was indeed her that was the anesthesiologist treating Joan when she died. I kept saying to myself…. It could have been me!!

So since that anesthesiologist hasn’t been there, I have been having another anesthesiologist usually taking care of me since the time of Joan River’s passing, which has been for the past 6 months. So at least this new anesthesiologist already knew all about me and how to take care of me, as I can’t be treated like a “normal” patient. Anyway… today they happened to have a brand new anesthesiologist and therefore she knew nothing about me. So… since she didn’t understand my case she ended up keep hurting me because I can’t be touched like a regular patient. For example, I am so extremely hypersensitive that everyone in the room even knows not to barely touch me until I am “knocked out” and that I can feel everything … even the gentlest breeze. The doctors also know how I can’t tolerate the IV and such, but she kept putting the IV on a fast rate, which felt like shards of glass through my veins. It was horrible and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Because we had to wait so long for the appointment and for me to recover this time, we also then ended up hitting rush hour traffic on the way home. So… this was just more added stress and pain that I didn’t need because I was already in enough pain as it was. All I wanted was to be home already in my own bed with everything happening… not to mention that I was freezing because of how cold it was outside and cold is definitely not good for me. When I got home, it literally took forever for me to warm up.

But thankfully, things started to change as the night proceeded. The doctor from the Cleveland Clinic called me tonight and I definitely wasn’t expecting it. Not only did he surprise me by calling, but also he surprised me by spending like 2 ½ hours on the phone with me until after midnight. He would have talked longer, but his phone got disconnected. I was totally shocked that he did something like that. Talk about a dedicated doctor.

I have the best doctors at the Cleveland Clinic. The doctor that called me tonight happened to be head of the anesthesiology department and one of the big shots. He was telling me everything that was going to be taking place when I come to Cleveland, as well as how desperately it was needed. He was dead tired, as he did 5 liver transplants in the past 5 days and he was totally exhausted and yet… he was on the phone with me all this time with me. He told me that even though I have lost a lot of ‘faith’ in doctors, I didn’t have to worry about that with him because he was an honest doc and was going to do everything in his power to help me. Most off… he wasn’t going to tell me any ‘lies’ or BS me like any of the other doctors have done!!

I am so fortunate to have him. Not only did he say that I could reach him any time of day… day or night and when I am in the hospital he would make sure things got done… he also told me that even though he is one of the big-shots in the hospital, he is going to make sure that EVERYBODY is familiar with me in the hospital. In fact, the whole hospital knows that when I am in the hospital, I take priority and if there is another case, I get the priority. He also said that no matter what I needed… he would be there to sedate me. He would be there to sedate me for the littlest procedure such as a stress test to the major stuff like the surgeries for the colectomy and the TPN. I honestly can’t believe that he did that.

The doctor said how I am in the best of hands with them. For the first surgery, I will be having the heart surgery as well as the placement of the central lines. I need the central lines because not only will I need them for the later surgeries, but also since I am getting so ill…. I need something so that the doctors can get emergency access into me. Since I can’t tolerate IVs, he is willing to put me to sleep first just by using gas, and then he will start the IV lines. He is also going to be using this new lidocaine that came out on the market that actually numbs the site for at least 3 days instead of just temporary like the regular lidocaine does.

As I need ketamine because of my illness, as ketamine is the only drug that really relieves the pain of this illness and has the potential to reverse this illness (if given in a high amount and that is why I need to go to Mexico because the amount I need is not FDA approved), it also has the potential to not make the disease spread and hold the disease at bay. Therefore, he will be using the ketamine during the operation and in the PACU. They will then try waking me up and re-evaluate me. If I am in bad shape, then they will put the ventilator back in me and keep me on the ketamine and bring me back to the ICU.

For the Colectomy, the same thing will happen except I will not be woken up. I will be immediately brought to the ICU afterwards and remain there for at least a week. So I will be unconscious for a good part of that week as well and breathing on the ventilator. The doctors want my body to ‘rest’ as much as possible.

In addition, since I am a ‘special’ case… he is willing to put me asleep for everything I need to go through including stress tests and everything else. All I need to do is page him or call him and he will come in from work or home and he will do it. What an amazing doctor. I also found out that my doctor also worked on all these famous people too like Robin Williams. He told me that at 3 AM he was giving the patients a big show two days after he had the big heart surgery at the Cleveland Clinic.

The Cleveland Clinic is really the best place for me. Between my team and the overall hospital, I am in really good hands. They have a team where if you are in pain, you can activate them and within 15 min they are at your bedside for pain management and everything else. They are really going to make sure that I receive the best care,

When I know more about what is going on… I will let you know, but the big thing now is getting there. I need to get there ASAP. So if you can think of any way of raising the funds so that I can get there…. I would appreciate it. After all, it is going to be quite expensive since we have to live there for quite some time,

a-plus-variety-candy-fundraiserI am selling chocolate and lollipops. If you are interested in selling a box, please let me know. The boxes contain all different types of candies as well as lollipops depending what you want. They even have boxes that just consist of “snacks!!” If interested, please email me at Femirsky@gmail.com. Any help would be much appreciative.

10259947_10101435229645270_1139888954897600383_nI am also selling the bracelets still that say “HELP FALLON”. They come in pink or blue and go for $5 each. If interested in purchasing or selling, please email me as well at Femirsky@gmail.com.

I also recently found a neurologist who knows my disease so incredibly well. HE knows it better than anyone else I ever knew. I am trying to get an appointment with him, but of course he doesn’t take insurance, so this of course going to be extremely expensive, and he also has a long waiting list. I have to wait until the summer to see him, which is time that I can’t afford to wait. But I still made the appointment because I am hoping I will be able to go for the surgeries in Cleveland Clinic and then I will be able to go to this doctor in summer to finally finish getting well. This doctor isn’t around the corner though, so besides him not taking insurance, we will also have traveling expenses as well because he works out of DREXEL UNIVERSITY in PA.

Well… that is about all for right now. I am not feeling well but I wanted to let you know some of what is happening. Hope you have a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

Thanks again for all your support.



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January 30, 2015


Well… I am writing tonight in a way to not only tell you what has been going on, but in an attempt to ask if you would be willing to help me raise as much money as possible because I received really horrible news tonight. I know this is a bit long this letter, but the latter half of the letter is basically all the brand new stuff you probably don’t know as well as new fundraising information.

To be honest, I don’t even know why I am writing because I have tried so many other attempts in raising funds, but unfortunately I have not been as successful as I would have liked. I really need to receive treatment was soon as possible because even though I knew that I was ‘sick’ and time was ‘ticking by,’ I never really realized how short and limited my time really is. After what happened today… I really feel like the door has been slammed in my face.

I feel horrible because not only am I suffering emotionally and physically with my illness, but also I am also now suffering with the issue of not knowing what to do. I never thought honestly that it would get this bad and I never thought that I would have to be literally on my hands and knees pleading to people for “help” because without their help I cannot continue to receive the lifesaving treatment that I so desperately need.

I was always a person who was the first to jump into the pool or take a dive into the pot to help another person out. If I knew there was a person suffering, I did all that I could to help alleviate their problems and help make them to become in a better situation. When people needed to raise money for medical treatment, I was there whether it was to sell pins to raise awareness or collect soda tabs so that they could receive dialysis. When people were suffering with no money and the holidays were upon us, I would always try to be like “Santa” to them and try to at least bring some holiday cheer into their lives. Even if there was a person on the street asking for money, I would even make a donation just so they could have some money to use. Yet, when I am now in trouble, I can’t find the same respect that I always gave others.

I am so thankful to all the people who have helped me along the way. But to be honest, I am so far from my goal. I know that people are tired of hearing my story and hate hearing me plead for my life, but what other choice do I have? I am 32 years old and have not been fortunate to live the life that others have been lucky to have. I have been robbed of all sense of a life and put into a “Hell” that I can’t escape, and all I want is my life back. I am going to be 33 years old and I still haven’t experienced life. There is so much that I want to do and have to do. I still haven’t left my mark in this world, which is something I desperately want to do before I die. I want the world to know that I was here and that I made a difference, but unfortunately, I haven’t been able to have that opportunity because I was cursed with this horrendous illness and despite all the trying to get better both through treatments and raising money to pay for the treatments, I haven’t been very successful.

You know it is really sad when your birthday is coming up and you don’t even know when it is. Birthdays are supposed to be ‘happy’ occasions and something to look forward to. Yet for me… my birthday is meaningless. I have no one to share it with! It is just going to be ‘another’ painful day that is filled with nothing but evil pain and suffering. Plus, I haven’t been fortunate to celebrate my birthday in awhile because the finances have not been there. We don’t have many ‘happy’ occasions in my family anymore because our finances are all exhausted. We have said goodbye to the days when we used to have Thanksgiving dinners, Christmas and Chanukah, as well as to birthdays. One day just blends into another, as the bills are snowballing out of proportion.

The best gift that I could ever receive is that I would be able to get well. Not only would this be the best gift for me, but also it would be the best gift for my entire family. I have caused so many problems in my family and instead of being a ‘happy’ family we have turned into a family that just EXISTS. I can really see the toll that this illness has taken on my entire family because even though the love for one another is still there, the ‘closeness’ and ‘happiness’ that was once there… can no longer be found. I guess it is kind of hard for that to happen when you literally can’t do anything except work and then look at the four walls of your home… a home we can barely even afford the mortgage payments anymore.

10959249_10101432746271970_5550733232782944027_oMy illness is horrible because not only have I been suffering 24/7 from it, it is taking my family down with me as well. I can’t remember the last time we did anything FUN as a family. We haven’t been out to eat in the longest time, the last time we went on a vacation was over 10 years ago, all everyone does is work…work…work… and unfortunately we don’t even have anything show for it. My parents are in their 60s and instead of them slowing down and enjoying life because they worked so hard all their lives, they are now working harder than ever and they aren’t even seeing a penny of what they are earning for what they are putting in. We basically can’t pay for anything anymore. The one thing that we have and love is our house, and it is at risk because we are having a great deal of trouble paying the mortgage and have missed payments. Essentials that are needed to survive such as heating and water have also been difficulty to pay. Even putting food on the table is something we have been battling with. Never did I think my life would ever come down to this.

I feel horrible because it is because of me that all this is happening, as my illness has exhausted all of our finances. We basically cannot even stay afloat anymore. We can’t even pay for the lifesaving treatment that I desperately need, which includes going to Mexico to get the Ketamine Coma because it is over $100,000. Yet, this is this ultimate cure-all for my neurological disease and autonomic dysfunction and I cannot get it because of the cost of it. Even though I have been going for ketamine comas/infusions in the United States, they are not high enough to be “cured” of this horrendous illness. The amount of ketamine that I require is not FDA approved in the United States and can only be acquired in Mexico or Germany, which is when they will literally put my entire body on machines and I will be essentially ‘dead’ for a week or two. When I wake up I will be ‘rebooted’ much like a computer is rebooted and cured of this illness. It is absolutely miraculous and I would love to be able to have that opportunity, but I know how costly it is and I know in order to receive it… I will either need a miracle to take place or people to help me get there.

In the meantime though, I am deteriorating rapidly. My entire body and organs are shutting down and even though we are trying to hang in there and ‘buy’ time so that we can save enough money to get to Mexico or something else comes along that can potentially save my life…we can’t even afford that. I desperately need heart surgery, TPN, and my colon removed. Yet, with my illness I can’t be treated as a normal or typical person and therefore, I cannot go to just any hospital. There are very few hospitals and specialists that are capable of handling my complex illness and therefore, we are forced to travel nationwide to receive medical treatment, which is another financial expense that is mega especially when it forces your parents not to work because they are your caretakers and can’t be in two places at the same time.

There are very few places capable of handling me. I need to be in a hospital that will be able to give me ketamine and place me in the ICU, but it is extremely expensive and not many hospitals are capable of this. I am extremely hypersensitive and the slightest touch and procedure will exacerbate the neurological disease and autonomic dysfunction. That is why I need to have the ketamine, as ketamine is a special medicine that has the potential to be able to reverse this illness or at least stop the progression of this illness. I can’t tell you how helpful this drug is and how no procedure can be done with out. One time I had a tube placed in me (J tube) and I had to be rushed into the ICU afterwards because it had stirred up the disease so bad that I became incapacitated with the autonomic dysfunction, unable to walk, etc. Thankfully after the ketamine was administered, things went back to the way it was before the placement of the tube and I was able to regain function of my body and legs. I still had to use the crutches, but at least I had function of them. So as you can see… it just isn’t an easy answer to just go to a hospital.

We really don’t know what to do to be honest with you. We are literally at the end of the line and it is at the point that if treatment isn’t sought soon, I am going to die. Things are getting progressively worse and I never thought honestly that it could even get this bad. I look at my parents and they are beyond themselves because they know that no matter what they do… unfortunately their hands are tied. They work as hard as they can to try to pay for the costs of the treatments, but in reality…. it is like working for pennies. This disease is so much bigger and expensive and stronger than any of us can ever think and believe. It needs a HUGE army to take it down. I used to believe that even though we lost the battle that we could still win the war in the end, but now I can’t even believe that. I was once strong and a good warrior, but now… I am just a wounded warrior waiting for the war to end. I am tired of suffering. I am tired emotionally. I am tired physically. I am tired medically. I am just ready to surrender already. When is enough going to be enough? We have lost so many battles that I am just waiting for the war to end.   I don’t honestly know how much longer that I can remain in this Hell. I only wish that I could receive the treatment that I so desperately need to save my life.

Not only can we not pay for the huge lifesaving procedures that will save my life, but also we can’t even afford the daily stuff that would try to buy me time. We can’t afford the appointments, medications, insurance, etc. I am suffering and there just doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. I used to always think that there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But I am in this long and dark tunnel and not even at the rainbow yet… I desperately need the help of others especially after what I have learned this week… especially after tonight!!

Like I said previously, you know it is bad when you don’t even know when you birthday is. It really is no big deal though to me because I wouldn’t be doing anything to celebrate the day anyway. This disease has forced me to lose my social life, be isolated, and not able to do anything. I can’t even enjoy a simple birthday cake to eat. Every year I would blow out my candles making the same wish, which was to get better. Yet, that wish has never come true. So what makes this year going to be any different. It is just going to be another day! Sometimes honestly I believe that day is cursed actually because it was the day that Queen Elizabeth died and the day that I was born. Plus, it always snowed or rained on that day every year. What other day does something like that?

I have deteriorated so much that even by just receiving ketamine on an every-other-week basis is not a possibility anymore. I am now receiving a dose that is higher than I ever had and I have to go weekly. In addition, besides receiving the ketamine on that day, I also have to have medication placed into my spine (almost like blocks) in order to help survive the week. I can definitely feel a difference as the week progresses and we get away from the day I had the procedure.

10904085_10101418498918780_3753609108284974417_oThankfully I have my loving dad to take me for this procedure every week, but it also takes a toll on him as well because it forces him not to be able to work that day.   When I go for these ketamine procedures, I am in the hospital the entire day and therefore, it forces my dad to work extra hard because he not only has to take care of me in the hospital, but he also has to do his work after we get back from the hospital… so he doesn’t come home until very late. He is basically running around without a head and I feel so bad because he is no youngster. I am so afraid something is going to happen to him because if something does… I would never forgive myself. He is not only my dad, but also my best friend and knight and shining armor. I love him to death. I definitely wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him!!

I am so fortunate to have him because he takes such good care of me. He holds my hand and stays right by my side until I am under the Ketamine, and he remains by my side until I finally awaken, which is hours later. I know how boring it must be, but he still stays with me and I am so thankful for it!

10860840_1404342339866500_314543068312785933_oEven during the ketamine procedure, I need to be brought into another room so that I can have the work and injections performed in my spine. Instead of just being plopped in a wheelchair and moved and picked up that way onto the table, I am fortunate enough for my dad to actually carry me from one place to another. What better transportation is that? He carefully places me on the table because he knows that the slightest touch to my body causes me extreme pain. I am so hypersensitive that the simple touch of a loved one sets off the autonomic dysfunction and I feel ‘smothered.’ I also feel like someone is touching me with shards of glass going through me. In fact, they can’t even put the IV going through me until they ‘knock’ me out because even though you technically have no nerves in your veins, I can actually feel all the fluids going through the lines and they feel like shards of glass tearing up my veins. It is horrible.

Speaking of how horrible this illness has gotten, I had to even have a double dose of ketamine this past week. During the time I was receiving the injections and work in my spine, I started to work up and was screaming about pain. So the doctor really had no other choice but to give me more ketamine.

In addition to getting ketamine every week, the doctors also give me vitamins through the ketamine bag as well. Since my stomach is totally paralyzed and I don’t really ‘absorb’, the doctors give me the vitamins through the ketamine bag so that I will be able to at least have vitamins once a week. My dad even gets vitamins like this once a week too because they are supposed to be so powerful. When getting anything by IV, it is so much stronger than getting it by mouth. So… the doctor swears by it. He said that whenever he gets sick and then takes the vitamins by IV, he is essentially ‘cured.’ It really is true too because there have been times that my dad hasn’t been feeling well and after being given the vitamin bag, he feels all-better. It is really something!

To make matters worse, my dad usually carries me to the car and into the house after my ketamine procedures each time because I am so ‘out of it’ and can’t walk anyway without crutches. So you can imagine someone high on drugs trying to use crutches. Basically it is a losing situation. So… to make it easier, my dad always is my hero and carries me out. However, this time when he carried me out, I ended up hearing a “pop!” I knew something happened right away to my rib even though I was hoping that I was wrong. But guess what? I was not wrong at all. After we got home and he placed me on the couch, I took a brief nap because the ketamine had knocked me out and I woke up with a fractured/broken rib. So now on top of everything else… I have this to worry about.
Doctors always say how “fragile” I am and how they are always worried about me ‘breaking’ something. Well… sure enough I broke this one. Damn is it painful… especially when you have this illness. It makes everything 100 times worse. I can barely breathe and it is really complicating things because it makes it harder to go to the bathroom and breathe in general. The aspirating has been getting worse and in order to clear my lungs I am having great difficulty because of the rib being broken. So I am not in the greatest of moods and having extreme difficulty more so than before.

I also received bad news today after I went for my double procedure. I went for my weekly housekeeping today, which is to cleanse my colon because my entire GI tract is essentially paralyzed and ‘dead’ because of the neurological disease, autonomic dysfunction and gastroparesis. Nothing passes through as my entire GI system from my esophagus to the stomach to the intestines to the rectum is all paralyzed. Therefore, everything I take in (i.e. meds, food, etc.) literally remains in my colon and rots. Doctors are so worried that I am going to go into sepsis or even perforate my intestines because of this. I am already having toxins leaking into my bloodstream from this and as a result, it is spreading to my organs and brain and shutting them down.

In addition to this procedure being done today though, they were also going to work on my esophagus because since my esophagus doesn’t work either, pills keep getting stuck in there and dissolving there instead of where they are supposed to be dissolving, which is in the stomach. It makes it very painful because it can literally rupture my esophagus too. Sure enough when he went into my esophagus he saw the pills that I took and he had to push them into my stomach.

My GI doc said that I am in such a mess and desperately need my GI tract worked on ASAP. He desperately wants me to get to the Cleveland Clinic to have the heart surgery, TPN, and the colon removed because of what is happening. However, it is easier for him to say because for all this to happen, we will have to have the finances to back us up. We will literally have to be down there for at least 6-7 weeks, possibly more. The TPN alone will have to be administered for at least 2 weeks before they will remove the colon because of the state I am in. Since I am only weighing in the 60 plus range and extremely fragile, I have no reserves to help me ‘heal.’ As a result, I can easily die if I have this operation because not only is this operation dangerous in itself, but it is even more dangerous because I can’t heal like a normal person. All I would need would be the slightest of infections, and I would be dead. So… the doctors are insisting that I be built up for a bit before they do a huge operation like this, which will take at least 2 weeks to do because you can’t start out on TPN full dose. I have had TPN in the past, but I failed it. Yet, they are hoping that with the heart surgery and then putting it in with the central line and the ketamine, it just might work. At least that is what they are aiming at.

But like I said before, everything costs money and we don’t even have the money as of this time to even go to the Cleveland Clinic let alone stay there for at least 7 weeks and undergo these operations and such. So we honestly don’t know what to do. I am also in need of the multivisceral transplant, which is where I will receive a new colon, small intestine, stomach, pancreas and liver. However, it won’t be until they remove the colon that the doctors will know the urgency of how fast I will have to have it. They are hoping I will be able to live without the transplant for a bit so that I can heal without the colon for a bit and give it some time to get back on my feet before they do a huge complicated transplant like this, which is the most dangerous transplant there ever is. Only like 6 hospitals in the country do this transplant.

Even though I need this surgery as soon as possible because my body is becoming intoxicated because of the toxins leaking out into my bloodstream and then going to my organs and brain, which is essentially shutting them down… we are trying to buy time by cleansing my colon out every week by going into the operating room and having the surgeons “clean” me out. Not only is this trying to “buy” me time, but it is also making me feel better because since nothing moves along, I am constantly feel so bloated and feeling like I am 9 months pregnant. I constantly walk around stating that I need to be ‘popped’ or something.

But now we have a problem. I got a phone call from the doctor tonight with bad news. He called to tell us that the outpatient hospital wouldn’t allow us to do the procedures there anymore because I am too high of a risk. However, if I don’t have these operations at least once a week so that I can be decompressed and have the stuff taken out of me, I will essentially die as well.

The anesthesiologists are extremely scared of having me there now because of what happened to Joan Rivers, as I go to the same place that Joan went to. Even though I have been going there weekly and been going there forever and nothing has happened, they are afraid for that one time something will happen. Due to my extreme gastroparesis, my stomach is never empty and as a result, it makes getting anesthesia extremely risky. All I have to do is aspirate while I am under, and I will die. I understand where they are coming from, but I also know that if I don’t have these procedures, I will die as well.

The doctor doesn’t know now what to do because I need these procedures desperately. He said that ideally I would need to be in the hospital every week to have these procedures so that I can be fully intubated because this way if I aspirate, my airway is safe. This also means that it will have to be done under General Anesthesia and not local, which we have been doing it. This also means that he can’t do it because even though he ‘works’ the hospital, he can’t do this procedure weekly in the hospital.

So basically we are between a rock and a hard plate. We thought about fasting even longer so that my stomach is perhaps empty, but that also means I will lose weight. People have to stop eating at a certain time so that their stomach empties so that they can undergo anesthesia. However, with my stomach not working… I can’t just do that limited time. Instead, I need at least 48 hours, which means that I won’t be eating every week for 2 days. This isn’t such a great option either because it means that I will lose weight, which is something that we can’t afford either.

So after speaking to the doctor tonight, he told me that I literally have weeks to live. He said that I desperately need something done right away or I am going to die because I can’t live without these procedures because I desperately need to be decompressed because without it I will either rupture my intestines as well as go into sepsis. I will also be extremely uncomfortable and will set off the autonomic dysfunction as well, which will further contribute to causing even more life-threatening problems. But on the other hand, I can’t not eat for 48 hours every week or remain on clear liquids for that length every week because I don’t have the weight behind me that I can afford to lose. I am at the point that even losing an ounce is extremely crucial and can kill me because once that ounce is lost…. I can never gain it back.

We really don’t know what to do. All we know is that we need help and help now. The doctor is going to talk to his partner who works out of NYU and ask if he can please do something out of NYU, but it would only be temporary. Plus… to put me under general anesthesia and be intubated every week… that is really hardcore on me too and my body isn’t so strong either. So… he told me that we would talk more on Monday and see where we are.

I know where he is coming from because he doesn’t want another “Joan Rivers” on his hands, but like I told him… he has to see where I am coming from too because I can’t survive without the procedure either because I will perforate my intestines and go into sepsis and stuff. He said that he is worried about me not eating for 48 hours every week beforehand because of the weight that I lose, but then after I told him that if I don’t have the procedure I won’t be able to eat or drink anything anyway. By the time the procedure day comes around, I can barely eat or drink anything anyway because I am so stuffed and everything. Then once he unloads me and decompresses me, I feel better and I am hungry. So basically he is not losing anything technically by me fasting 48 hours prior because otherwise I won’t be able to eat or drink at all.

As it is I can’t quench my thirst as it is. I am so thirsty all the time and nobody knows why. I drink so much and I even get IV bags twice a week when I go for the ketamine and then when I go for the “colon” procedures. However, no matter what I do… I am still thirsty. It really stinks too because the more I drink… the more I aspirate. It seems that the more I drink… the more I drown in my own fluids. I am like in a no win situation.

All I know is that I desperately need help because after today’s procedure, they had a meeting and my doctors decided that I only have weeks left. However, it isn’t like I can get the treatment that I desperately need right away because we don’t have the funds to pay for it. I desperately need the help of others and if anyone can please help me in anyway possible, I would really extremely appreciate it. No donation is ever too small and all donations are appreciative. I realized that there are so many people in the world that even if each person contributed a $1, I would easily be able to get the very much lifesaving treatment that I need,

But I know that isn’t going to happen. So after the doctors called tonight, I really honestly didn’t feel like talking to anyone. And then you wonder why I don’t remember when my birthday is? All I ever do is get grim news, so why are birthdays important to me? I just wish I would disappear at this point because all a birthday is at this point to me is just marking another year of suffering in this “Hell.” I really honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this. I really want to get better. But I know I can’t do it alone. I need help from others. If I can’t get better because we will never be able to afford it, then I wish I would just go already because it isn’t fair to me or what I am putting my family through anymore. I hate feeling all this pain and suffering all the time and watching my life and seeing others pass me by. It is the worst thing ever to be stuck where I am and suffering 24/7.

Got really bad news tonight 😥 the docs called and gave us some grim news. I don’t have time on my side and I have only weeks left. I’m so upset that my birthday is next week and I don’t even know when it is because I don’t even care about it. I know I’m not celebrating it. People usually always know their birthday. Guess it shows how bad things are because I don’t even know when mine is. All I know is that it’s next week because it’s the ‘7th!’ We have no money to celebrate and boring to celebrate so whatever…. Especially after what the docs told us tonight.

Since I definitely don’t have that on my side and I know I need help on my side, I decided to try one more time to fundraise. Of course if you have any other ideas to fundraise, please email me at Femirsky@gmail.com.   All I know is that I need help and help NOW!!! I am really running out of time quickly. The docs say I have just weeks left. So I’m trying my best right now to save my life and get the most money I can do I can get the lifesaving treatment I desperately need.

%22As you know in not doing well at all and desperately need to get to Mexico and need treatment a.s.a.p. I am still trying to sell my bracelets that you can purchase and sell (they go for $5 each) and they say HELP FALLON FIGHT. They come in pink and different shades of blue and are the ‘Livestrong’ bracelets you see people wearing. But of course these bracelets are custom made for my cause and has my website link on it. Please contact me at Femirsky@gmail.com if interested in buying or selling.

a-plus-variety-candy-fundraiserIn addition…I am selling candy in the form of chocolate or candy (i.e. Candy bars, skittles, etc.), chocolate rose lollipop for Valentine’s Day, and even your regular old fashion lollipops (I don’t know if you are familiar with it but we used to do this in high school to raise money). You can buy anything for $1, but I am not only asking you if you want to buy, but I want to know if you will help me sell as well.

If you can and are willing… I can get you a box of your choosing…whether it be chocolate rose lollipops, a box of various candy bars and other various candies (such as snickers, skittles, etc.) or even a lollipop box of your choosing (old fashion, blow pops, astro pops, lips, Rock candy, etc.). Depending on what you sell its varies in cost but mostly they are $1 each.

chocolate-rose-fundraiserIt would be much appreciated if you can help me sell things. I can get you a box of what you want to sell such as candy or lollipops or even bracelets and you can sell them. You get about 60 pieces… And then sell them for the price they are selling for… Which is usually $1 depending on which you choose to sell.lollipop-tree-1

For example… I am making a lollipop tree in my dad’s office to sell regular lollipops (old fashion ones) for about 50 cents and then I am selling chocolate roses lollipops for $1 for Valentine’s Day. I am also selling flashlights (mini) for $5 and this way you can use them as a regular flashlight for blackouts or something like that or you can even use them to look for bugs in hard places.

lp.aspxSo if you are interested in selling any of the above (or even buying anything)… Let me know and I will get you a box. I also made new cards out to pass along that show my websites and where people can make donations. Please… I know I am begging… but I am begging for my life. I really don’t want to die and I really desperately need treatment. I really want to regain the life that I was robbed of and become a doctor, have a family, and live happily ever after like everyone else does. It would mean the world to me and also be the best birthday present too if I were to get the donations needed so that I can receive the lifesaving treatment that I need. Remember, please pass this website along, as it is the place that donations can be to: www.gofundme.com/Help4Fallon

lp-1.aspxWell… I guess that takes care of everything. I think I wrote enough today. I will write more when I know more. Thank you so much for supporting and encouraging me because I would have never made it this far without you. But to be honest with you… I am scared and terrified what the future holds… especially when the doctors state I only have weeks to live. Please help me… if by nothing else by spreading my website link. If you want business cards to pass out or post signs, please contact me at Femirsky@gmail.com. You can also contact me at that email if you have any further questions.

Thanks again,


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