FALLON MIRSKY

Please help SAVE MY LIFE!

March 20, 2014

Clip Art Illustration of Spring Text with FlowersHi-

Just wanted to wish you a HAPPY SPRING even though the weather outside isn’t so springlike.  I can’t wait for this weather to change because I certainly have had enough of this cold.  This winter has been like no other winter that we have had, as it has been unbearably cold.  However, I know that now that Spring has sprung, I am really going to have a hard time adjusting and a few hard weeks ahead of me.

As much as I love spring, I hate the change of weather because it wreaks havoc on my illness.  My body doesn’t do well with “changes” and therefore, I will be in extreme pain even more (if there is such a thing) because of the change.  My autonomic dysfunction will also worsen as well.

Speaking of my disease worsening, I can’t really take advantage of springtime weather like others do.  Most people love springtime because they can have the windows open and enjoy the fresh air going through the house.  However, I can’t have that in my house because of my illnesses and autonomic dysfunction.  I am too hypersensitive and therefore, I need the perfect weather and perfect temperature of like 74 degrees with no wind whatsoever. The windows can’t be open because there is too much of a wind that will come through it and it will wreak havoc on me.  In addition, just the texture and the humidity of the air will bother me as well. Therefore, at least when the heat or air conditioning is on it is on a set temperature and the heat or air-conditioning will turn on or off in order to maintain it. When the windows are open, there is no way to maintain the temperature.  For me, I can’t have it too cold because I can’t put clothing on because anything that touches my skin gives me horrendous pain, and I can’t have it too warm because I can’t cool myself off or sweat.

My dad jokes around saying how I need to be in a “bubble.”  He says it because not only do I need to be in it because it will be a way of protecting me so I don’t injure myself, as my disease spreads through trauma, but this way I can be in the perfect environment for me.   I did tell my dad though that if I ever got better… he can be certain that I am building a “bubble” because I am not going to chance having this illness ever come back because there will always be a chance of it coming back if I ‘injure’ myself or have a traumatic event.  No way can I go through this again!

Springtime is such a wonderful time.  It is a time to be happy and cheerful, which is something I definitely need… especially lately.  I wish I could stay in my dream world! I think about times when I am going to be married, be a doctor, be socializing and hanging out, etc.  But then reality strikes back and I realize I am back in the real world of this horrible disease filled with unbearable pain and in a world where even the gentlest touch is painful.

I have been suffering so horribly lately and I just wish I was better and had my life back.  I see others enjoying life and doing stuff…whether it is just going out to eat, going for a run, working, going to school, hanging out, texting each other on the phone, having friends, having fun, etc.… and I want that so much.  It bothers me that I can’t do any of those things!  To be quite frank with you… I don’t even know why I have phone because it isn’t like anyone calls me anyway?  The only people who calls me is the doctors.   All I can really do is spend countless days isolated in my house and in pain.  I feel like I am cut off from the world because I can’t do anything.

Mexico is quickly approaching, as we are supposed to be leaving May 15th and I hate to say it but I don’t know if it is honestly going to happen.  I need this Ketamine Coma more than anything in the world because I am rapidly deteriorating and yet, I don’t know if it is going to be a possibility because we really don’t have the money for it.  I don’t know what is going to happen if I can’t undergo it at that time because I am not going to make it much longer.  I am rapidly deteriorating and suffering immensely.

Yet, this Coma is going to cost me over $100,000 and I am no way close to having that amount.  Plus, I need to put down a deposit in the next 2 weeks or so of about $40,000 and I don’t even have that.  I really keep praying and hoping that we will find the funds somehow and that I will be able to go, but I know deep down that it isn’t going to happen.  This is one dream and wish that is not going to happen despite all the “trying” I have done to raise the money.

My dad constantly keeps telling me to “Not to worry” and that we are “definitely going to make it to Mexico.”  But to tell you the truth, I don’t know how on earth he is going to pull that off especially when we don’t have the money to do so.  I know he wants me to get better more than anyone and would do anything at all to have that possible, but I don’t think it is in his powers to have it done.

To make matters worse, I am so scared because I don’t even know how we are going to be able to go for the Coma either because we literally are flat broke.  We don’t have a single cent.  Therefore, I don’t know how my dad is going to be able to go to Mexico with me and then work as well at the same time because without him working, there will be no income to be made.  It isn’t like we have any “backup” money either to fall back on either. So I don’t know how we are going to survive with my dad not working and him being in Mexico with me.  We already can’t afford to pay the mortgage, utility bills, phone bills, etc.  We have a hard enough time putting just food on the table.  Never before did I think that my life was going to turn out like this.   I don’t even know how my dad’s company is going to exist without him being there to run it for the amount of time that he is going to be away.  There is just nothing left to fall back on.

I just want to get better so bad.  I hate what it has done to my family as well because they don’t even have money because of me.  We are really suffering and they don’t need to be suffering at all because of me.  You know?  Meanwhile… we can’t go out, go on a vacation (haven’t been on family vacation in like almost 10 years), can’t buy anything, can’t even go out for a simple dinner, etc.  My family had to literally give up everything because of me and are working harder than ever because of me.  Everything that they once had is now lost and even if they wanted to “retire”… they can’t because they can’t since they lost everything.  Everything is just maxed out and we are at the point where we never even know what the next day is to bring.  We can’t afford our health insurance, mortgage, heating, electric, utilities, phone, etc., which are all necessities in order to live.  I can’t believe what our lives have turned into.  Never in my life did I think that my life was going to be like this.

To make matters worse… we now have to put a tire on the car, which will cost more money and we all know putting tires on cars are not cheap.  Yet, we have no choice because without tires there is no way that the car can take us to my appointments or any other place I need to go. It just never ends.  It seems like everything revolves around money.  Everytime you try to save it… you need it for something else.

Things are really not good here.  I am trying to keep up my spirits, but to be honest… it is really hard.  I feel all “alone” in this battle and I am solo scared.  I am suffering so much, and I never been so sick and in pain before. I hurt from the very surface down to the very core of my bones.  My intestines constantly feel like they are leaking and I know that there is something wrong with them in the sense that there is a “twist” in them or a blockage because not only has it shown up on an X-ray, but I can feel it.  It has really been getting worse because I spend the entire nights and days in pain with my intestines and I can literally feel my intestines “oozing” and “leaking” inside. It is freaky and annoying and painful.

1658500_10101088840382130_1151687055_oNot only am I suffering physically in pain, but also emotionally I am not doing well either.  I feel like an ogre.  My skin literally sags on my bones because there is no muscle tone.  It really bothers me especially because I love to take pictures, as it is a favorite hobby of mine, but I am now so fearful and hate taking them because of the way that I look.  That is why I end up taking so many pictures of my pets.  I love to take pictures, but I am so self-conscious about what I look like.  I am so embarrassed and see myself looking like an “Ogre.”  Therefore, I literally end up airbrushing every single one and touching each one up before I let them to be seen.  But even with the airbrushing and touching… it still looks horrendous.  I hate the way I look. I am so scared that even if I should get better… the ogre will remain.

Not only do I look like an “ogre,” but I had to even cut my hair because of this illness.  I would do anything to have long hair.  However, due to my illness and medications, it has wreaked havoc on my entire body from my bones to my muscles to my organs to my nerves to even my hair.  It has literally taken over my entire body.  In terms of my hair, I used to have such wonderful gorgeous blonde hair.  However, the disease and medications have now caused my hair to thin and fall out.  It has gotten to the point where my hair has become so thin that it had to be cut short in order to actually look soughta thick.  I hate myself in short hair, but what other choice did I have?

1960808_10101085180920720_547243135_oI really belong in a forest because of the way that I look. It doesn’t really matter either because it doesn’t feel like I have a person in the world to lean on.  I can’t even talk to my parents because of the stress they are under. I literally have nothing going for me, as I can’t work, have no friends, can’t go to school, have no money to get well, etc.  I spend all my days basically cooped up in my house looking at the four walls because I am too sick to go out.  All I have is my cat and dog as “friends!”

I have ketamine tomorrow (Friday), so I am excited for that.  At least I will have one day of rest… well the hours when I am under.  I only wish I can stay under ketamine forever.  But just like everything else… all good things have to come to an end!  But hopefully everything will go smoothly.

Well I have bloods in the morning.  I wonder how bad they can be because they seem like they are never good.  It is at the point that the lab literally calls my doctor’s office and tells them that my bloods are not just “low” but I am listed as “critical”!

So much needs to be done, but I am at the point where I have exhausted all my resources in the area. The only thing I can do is travel to other places because they are more equipped to handle my condition.  I need to get to places that can better handle me like the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, Stanford in California, and definitely Mexico.  However, going to these places aren’t exactly “around the corner” and they aren’t cheap either.  I am having a hard enough time paying for my medical expenses already; it is even harder when you have to pay for traveling expenses as well.  Plus when my dad and I travel, it is time my dad can’t work and as a result, no money is being made.

Doctors are always saying that I am a “time bomb waiting to go off.”  I know that I am worsening. I know that I definitely need something to be done sooner rather than later. That is why I need to get to Mexico.  I have a meeting tonight or tomorrow with my doctor from Mexico to further discuss everything, but it is getting to the point where they need a deposit and unfortunately, I don’t have that money as of now.

I am really hoping to go to Mexico. But like I said before, I am still far from my goal.  I know that you are extremely busy and I know that I am asking a lot, but I was wondering if there was any other ideas that you can think of that I can do to “fundraise”.  I am so far away from my goal of raising enough money to go to Mexico and to be honest with you… it is basically around the corner that I leave for Mexico and I can’t afford not to go.  I know that many people have helped out already and believe me… I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it, but I was wondering if you might have any other ideas about fundraising or if you were able to help me on any way possible.  Anything that you can do would be greatly appreciated.  If you have any suggestions, please email me at Femirsky@gmail.com.  I can’t tell you how much all that you have done means to means and how thankful I am for all that you did.  You are forever in my heart.

1602107_10101039548822810_1814389083_o

I also want to remind you that the “Help Fallon Fight” bracelets are continuing to be sold. They are $5 each and come in blue or pink.  If interested, please email me at Femirsky@gmail.com or send me a message on Facebook.

In the meantime, I am still trying to keep my spirits up.  I am busy reading James Patterson’s book called “First Love!” I am really hoping to be able to finish another book, which will be a great accomplishment for me.

But, reading isn’t going to get me to Mexico or get me well. I really need help from other in order for it to happen because I need medical treatment that we can’t afford. Please say a prayer, spread this post, and donate at www.gofundme.com/fallonmirsky. Please help NOW because time is of the essence and I don’t have a lot of it left!!

Thanks again for all your support.

Love,

Fallon

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March 16, 2014

1262623_10101085180790980_1252186070_oHi-

I know it has been a little bit since I written, but I figured I would write and catch you up on all that has been happening. A lot has been happening since the last time I wrote, but I have unfortunately been too ill to write.  In fact, there has been so much happening that I don’t even know where to start.

I guess the best place to start is to say that I have spoken to my doctor in Mexico and the date for the Coma is pretty much set.  We have two dates in mind, but I am leaning more towards the latter date because of the fact that I want to be here for Mother’s day.  I want to be able to celebrate that special date with my mom because after all, this can very well be the very last holiday I can be celebrating because of the way things have been.  Also, if things don’t go well in the Coma, I don’t want to ruin her special day either.  I know it is just a “day” that can be celebrated earlier and on any other day, but she has given up so much for me already that I really want to make that one day special for her and I don’t want her to be “alone” on that day either since she won’t be making the trip to Mexico with me.

We have been given the option of two days to go to Mexico.  The first day is to go to Mexico on May 8th and go into the Ketamine Coma on Sunday, May 11th, which is also Mother’s Day.  The other option is to leave on May 15th and going into the coma on Sunday, May 18th.  It is only a week later and to be able to be home to celebrate Mother’s Day, I really think I am leaning more towards the latter date.

In addition, I am going to need a second person to come to Mexico when I am extubated because I will need someone to stay with me 24/7 for about a week. The doctors say I need another person down there besides my dad because they said it would be way too much for him.  So they will only go through with the Coma if I have someone with him.

Thank goodness my cousin will be coming to Mexico during that time to help out.  It will be for about a week, but I am so fortunate for him because this Coma definitely wouldn’t have been possible without him. The thing is that when I am extubated, I won’t know anyone… I won’t know my dad, the doctor, not even myself!  The ketamine will wipe out my memory and give me horrible hallucinations.  Therefore I will need someone to say with me all the time (even sleep at the hospital) because I won’t be able to be left alone.  They will have to help me get my memory back and be able to eat again.

henry ford quote puzzleBut of course both dates are contingent on the fact that we are able to provide the funds to pay for the Coma.  The Coma will cost us OVER $100,000 and although we did raise some money, we are far from our goal.  We have to may a deposit of at least $50,000 by the end of this month and I don’t even have that much money.  So I am hoping that I will be able to receive as much help as possible because unless I get the money to pay for the Coma and especially give them the deposit, I don’t think that this Coma is even going to be a possibility.

I need this Coma more than anything in the world and I really can’t wait any longer for it.  I am really not doing well and really deteriorating faster than ever.  Even the doctors say we can’t wait any longer.  It has gotten to the point where I am extremely weak and I can’t really even get off the couch.  I also cannot breathe and my organs are failing.  I barely can even go to the bathroom.  Eating is another task that is basically impossible and something that I can’t afford not to do because I weigh so little already.

In addition, the pain has been out of this world. The weather isn’t helping much, but the pain is uncontrollable that I am literally climbing out of skin.  Nothing is working at all to control the pain.  Even the lightest touch sends my pain soaring further. I have come to despise those three little words. I can feel the weather changing. Muscles and bones ache down deep, pain as usual, along with a burning deep in the bone marrow that nothing puts out.  I feel like I am on fire…especially my legs and feet.  It constantly feels like I am doused in gasoline, lit on fire, and then kept that way 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  It is so bad that nothing is tolerable on it.

To make matters worse, I am having horrible edema especially in my legs.  This is not a good sign because it can be a sign of heart failure, kidney failure, or liver failure, which are all organs that are giving me problems.  My organs are not doing well and my bloods are very critical.  Yet, even things that would perhaps alleviate the edema such as raising the legs won’t help.

Eating has been horrible, as I can’t eat anything.  The slightest thought of food… even something so simple as my medicated ice pops make me nauseous.  The only things that I can possibly get down are eggs and ice cream… and that is with a problem.

My intestines have been giving us problems as well.  I can’t go to the bathroom for the longest time and it continues to worsen.  I keep producing this mucous because I am so backed up that mucous keeps getting expelled.  It really stinks because it basically can come out anytime… even when I am sleeping.  The doctors and my parents have told me not to feel embarrassed because it isn’t anything I can really “control” but it still really bothers me when I “make” in my pants.  After all… I am 32 years old and shouldn’t be making in my pants.  When is this ever going to stop?

It just worsens and worsens.  To make matters worse… not only are we having problems affording the lifesaving treatment that I need in Mexico, as well as the current treatments and medications that are not covered by insurance in the United States, but also now we have had the additional problem about having problems with our actual health insurance.  To put it simply… we have had absolutely NO health insurance whatsoever.  Therefore, I had no coverage to get medications, see doctors, receive treatments, etc.

People don’t realize it, but when you have your health… you have everything.  Due to the expenses of my medical condition, we were a little late paying for the health insurance.  Well, of course they didn’t want to wait for payment and were quick to take it away. I guess that stupid money was more important than helping to “save” my life. Therefore, my health insurance refused to reinstate our policy unless we paid the amount that we were missing for the month and they tacked on that we had to pay a month ahead.  For us to come up with over $6000, it was basically impossible.  So I went through a period of no insurance, which was horrible because it really complicated. Yet, we really had no other choice because we didn’t have money to pay the amount that they wanted.  After speaking and pleading with them, they still wouldn’t give in to us. As a result, we had to literally scrabble for the money, sell whatever we could, etc.  My mom even ended up selling her wedding band, which is something I never thought she would.

1017139_10101083726076240_1720197714_nI have really been trying to keep my spirits up though even though it has really been difficult.  I try little things like make a mug up saying things like “I am the best” just to make me feel better.  I feel really worthless lately, as this disease really took away all that I desired to be. I had such goals of having a husband and kids, going to college and becoming a doctor, etc. but this illness has forced me into living a life that is confined to staying within the 4 walls of my home because of the pain and suffering it brings with it.

The only companions that I have felt that I have had throughout this are my pets.  They make the best if friends because they are always there for me.  They spend the nights and days with me and are my joys of life.  I only wish I could bring them with me to Mexico.  Whereas everyone walked out on me when I got sick because you really learn who your true friends are when you get sick, they have stayed with me throughout it all.

1909183_10101084233579200_605876158_oIt is definitely not easy always being “alone”.  Yet, having my pets make it a bit easier.  But I really wish that this disease really didn’t rob me of my social life and didn’t take the FUN out of my life.  Thank goodness for them.

I am also glad I have my animals because they have been my sources of comfort as well, as it has been very difficult to talk to my parents because they are under so much stress already that they can’t handle anything else.  I really also don’t want to further burden them with my problems.  My dad has really been trying to make ends meet.  He has been working harder than ever, which is pretty hard considering how difficult he already works. But with the weather being the way it has been in the sense that the winter has been so bad and long, the economy has literally shut down and my dad’s business is really suffering.  He works so very hard just to try to survive and make an income.  It scares me so much because it isn’t like he is sitting in an office and doing deskwork. Yet, he is 60 years old and running around.  Then he comes back and has to do the office work as well, as he is the owner and CEO of the company and has to make sure that everything is situated in the company and set up appropriately in order for it to function.  He works basically 6-7 days a week and he’s up at 3AM to go to work and whereas he used to come home at 6PM, he now even goes out on additional inspections afterwards.  He is so very tired.  Yet, he does all this to help the family… not to mention all the running around he does for me when I have to see doctors, go for treatments, etc.  Then when he comes home, he doesn’t rest either.  Instead, he dedicates his time to take care of me. I only hope that my dad will be ok because if anything ever happened to him, I would never forgive myself.  I know my dad considers himself “Superman”, but even Superman has to rest sometime.

On a better note, I finally finished a book. It was a real accomplishment for me because it was the first book I finished in such a long time… like over 5 years.  It was written by James Patterson and called CROSS MY HEART.  It might have taken me awhile, but at least I finished it.  I am now reading another one of his books called FIRST LOVE!  Hopefully I will be just as successful and finish that book as well.

I have been extremely thankful for the rainbow loom charms that I have received.  I am planning on bringing them with me to Mexico and decorating my hospital room with them.  This way when I am there (Since I will be there for sometime), it will look more comfortable.  I am also going to put them on the IV poles as well to help bring some happiness to such a scary situation because they are so cute and make me smile.  I am also using them as a way of “luck” because I read in a book when I was younger about this girl who was dying of Cancer and she was making 1,000 paper cranes for luck.  So I decided to modify that and try to make 1,000 rainbow looms.  It would be amazing if I receive that many.  I would love to make it myself, but they look incredibly difficult and I have absolutely no idea even where to begin.  They are also expensive and I can use the money for something else.  But I want to thank anyone who will be willing to make them and send them to me… especially the person who is organizing this.  At least they make me smile!

1966111_10101084500863560_1881607250_oMy mom also finally gave me a necklace that she wanted to give me for a while.  She was holding onto it for some time… and she finally gave it to me because she thought that the time was right.  I felt kind of guilty taking it though considering the fact that we are having all these financial problems and I could sell it or something to use the money towards my medical expenses, but my mom said that she wanted me to have it because it was a heart pendant that meant something to her.  It really is truly beautiful and I am so lucky that she gave it to me.  She gave it to me because she won’t be in Mexico with me when I undergo the Coma.  This way I will have something with me around me neck to always remind me of her and to have her always right by my side.  I love my mom!

Well… I have a busy week coming up.  This week I have an appointment with another bone doctor because I need to have my bones made stronger and my old doctor is too afraid because of the osteonecrosis. Yet it is the consensus of my other doctors that something has to be done because my bones are so weak that all I need is a life-threatening fracture, and I will be in a worse situation.

I also have another ketamine coma/infusion on Friday.  Thank goodness because I can’t stand this pain anymore.  At least when I undergo the ketamine I get one day of relief when I am “under”.  Too bad it doesn’t last.

I just want to get better so badly.  I hate what my life has turned into.  My life has really been turned upside down.  I even hate to take pictures of myself.  I mean I love taking pictures, but I just hate the way I come out.  People don’t realize how bad I really do look because they don’t realize that every single picture I send and they see are “touched up” because I hate the way I look in them.  Since I am so thin and have no muscle tone in me, my skin literally just sags on my bones.  My face is just full of wrinkles because it has no fat to fill it out.  So I airbrush all the wrinkles out and try to conceal all the stuff that I am ‘self conscious’ about.  My parents keep saying that I am beautiful, but I feel like a hideous beast.  Between the colorful changes this illness has given me, the swelling, how emaciated I look, etc., I really don’t consider myself beautiful anymore.  I only wish that one day I would be beautiful again.  It scares me though because I don’t want to chase people away based on how I look.  After all, even though people don’t want to necessarily admit to it… appearances do mean a lot and go a long way.  I can’t tell you how many stares I get when I change colors or because I look so emaciated.  It really stinks.

1391429_10101085503868530_351517363_nI only pray that one day I will get my life back.  I pray that all my pain and suffering ends.  I pray that I get my dream of becoming a doctor fulfilled so that I can help others who are suffering. I pray that I will not be a burden on anyone… especially my family.   I pray that I will be able to be “touched” without pain searing through my body. I pray that I will be able to have a family of my own with a husband and kids.  I pray that I beat this and lead a long and happy life.

So I am just focusing on May and hoping and praying that I will have the funds to undergo the Ketamine Coma.  I don’t know what will happen if we cannot do it because of insufficient funds.  That is why I am begging for all the help that others can give me.  Please help make a difference today! I desperately need your help to receive lifesaving treatment that we can’t afford. I need expensive treatment especially a radical ketamine coma in Mexico that’ll cost over $100,000. Please say a prayer, spread this post, and donate at www.gofundme.com/fallonmirsky. Please help NOW because time is of the essence and I don’t have a lot of it left!!

Thanks again for all your continued support.

Love,
Fallon

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March 5, 2014

1973441_10101076307198730_199068122_oHey-

Just wanted to update you briefly!

It is March 5th and from the looks of the weather outside… you would never know it.  When is this weather going to end?  Not only is it unbearably cold, but also it is wreaking havoc on my body.  I really need some warm weather so desperately.

This weather has to let up soon or it is really honestly going to kill me. When we went to the vascular surgeon today, the doctor told me that since the winter has been so relentlessly cold with no real “warm-ups,” it really has affected me. He had confirmed that the cold has caused my circulation to really shut down and that is why my foot and left leg is blacker than ever. This winter has been like no other winter that we have had.  It has been so cold and it has basically had no “breaks.” Therefore, my body is really reacting to it.

So the circulation worsening is contributing to the weather, but it is also because of my over all disease worsening as well.  My body is deteriorating and my organs are shutting down.  It was confirmed also that my organs are shutting down worse than we thought and therefore my circulation is also being affected.  In addition, the added stress of all that is occurring with my illness and because of being so worried about what is going to happen with Mexico and worried about the medical expenses isn’t helping either.  Everything is just causing me to deteriorate further and causing my circulation to worsen. However, I really have to be careful because it is at the point now where the circulation is so bad now that not only am I discoloring, but also unlike before where I would just change colors and sometimes resume somewhat normal coloration at rare times, I am darker than ever and it is remaining black no matter what I do. This is definitely not good because dark/black means no oxygen and tissue dying. It is when body parts remain black that the doctors are extremely worried and amputation becomes a real concern and possibility.

Therefore, the doctor really wants to start putting me on a new medication called POT.  You might also know if it as Marijuana.  I couldn’t believe that the doctor actually suggested this to me.  He said, “The disease has gotten so severe that I think that the only thing that can possibly help is marijuana. At least it will help with the pain to some extent.  It has helped in certain situations where people have had the most horrendous pain from Cancer and other diseases and nothing else has worked.  Even though it won’t help per se ‘cure’ your illness, at least it will make you more comfortable.”  I have really been on everything under the sun and I already take over 50 pills daily.  However, I continue to suffer and I am being tortured 24/7 with absolutely no relief whatsoever.

There are only 2 problems that stand in my way.  One problem that stands in my way is that I of course don’t have the funds to pay for it.  Of course this is not going to be covered by insurance and therefore, it will have to come all out-of-pocket, which is something we definitely can’t afford.  The bills are skyrocketing and snowballing all out of control here that we can’t even pay the mortgage, electric and heating bill, put food on the table, or even pay for my other medical expenses.  Not to mention that I desperately need to go to Mexico, which is less than 2 months away and I need to come up with over $100,000.  That is why I so desperately need the help of others.  If you know any fundraising ideas or possibly can share my website for donations, I would really appreciate it.

Another huge problem that stands in my way is that it is illegal in New York.  Even though I need it for medical reasons, it is still illegal.  The doctor told me to go to a state such as California to get it, which it is legal in, but that doesn’t really solve the problem because I live in New York and still can’t bring it back. Why can’t New York legalize Marijuana already for medical use?  So many states have already done so.  Even Jersey has.  So I don’t know what to do. The doctor really thinks that this is what it has come down to because I have gone beyond traditional medications.  Even though I am rapidly deteriorating, the doctor wants me to at least be ‘feeling’ better!

In addition, the doctor also noticed that I have a plantar wart on my left foot. Never a dull moment! The problems just keep adding up!

This is definitely not good because my left foot is where the illness is the worst and I can’t afford for anything to touch this foot.  I am so hypersensitive that I can’t be touched anywhere in my body… let alone my left leg and foot.  The slightest touch will literally send me up the wall.  So for anyone to even touch my left foot to treat the plantar wart will literally be impossible.

In addition, the skin on my body because of my illness is extremely thin.  It is even thinner on my left foot because of the nature of the illness being worse there.  Therefore, if anything happens to even bump my body, especially my left foot and leg, my skin will instantly open up.  This is not a good sign because not only will it cause me excruciating pain, but also I can’t heal like a normal person.  I risk the chance of getting infection so much and they are so fearful that it won’t heal at all.  The doctors are especially fearful of any cuts happening in my left foot because that is where the circulation is the worst and if anything happens there, it is quite possible that it can lead to an infection, which would lead to gangrene and then result in amputation.  So we really don’t know what to do because we really don’t want to risk getting an infection and having my foot amputated.

It appears that the plantar wart in my foot is extremely deep and big.  The roots go really deep and it really should be removed. However, the surgeon said that in my case, he doesn’t know what to do.  He said that he doesn’t really want to remove it because of the fact that it is not only going to be excruciating painful for me, but because it entails scraping and such, it will easily open up my skin for a possibly infection, which is extremely likely in my case.  However, it is a huge problem because not only is a plantar wart an infection of the skin and a benign growth, but also they are also painful.  So it only adds to the pain that I am already experiencing, as people who get plantar warts may feel as if they have a stone in their shoe.

So we don’t know what to do in this aspect. I guess we are just going to have to figure this out!

Well… in a few hours (since it is the middle of the night and I am like the only one awake because normal people are usually sleeping at this hour) I am going to be on my vacation from life.  I will be undergoing a ketamine infusion/coma for the day and at least I will be away from my life for the day.  This is the only time I can get relief and I look forward to it so much.

If only the ketamine would last.  Unfortunately I need a dose that is way too high and it isn’t FDA approved.  That is why I need to go to Mexico to have the ketamine coma performed there because the amount I need can only be given there.  When I undergo the Ketamine in New York, it barely lasts longer than when I wake up.  People might wonder why I put myself under the risk and go for it at all if it doesn’t even last beyond waking up.  I go for it because at least while I am under, I am at least at peace and away from this torturous illness.  I am out of my Hell for the time I am under the ketamine, which is for quite a few hours.  When you are suffering like I am, you will take any relief that you can get… even if it is a split second.  Also, even though the suffering comes back basically immediately, we are still hoping that it is slowing down the progression of the illness and “buying” me time.

So dad will be taking me in a few hours to get the ketamine.  Thank goodness for my dad because I don’t know what I would do without him.  He is so amazing.  I only wish I didn’t put him through all this because he doesn’t deserve this.  He is 60 years old and deserves to be enjoying his life.  But instead, he is working harder than ever and he can’t even enjoy his life.  He barely can rest, can’t go on vacation, can’t buy himself anything, can’t go out to dinner, or anything else that a normal person would take pleasure in.

My dad is really something else!  He is not only my dad, but he is my best friend, confidant, someone I admire, and my Superman.  But I only wish I could get better because I am so afraid that he is going to have a heart attack from all that he is doing.  After all, he is no youngster and he is so overworked… not to mention how stressed out he is.  But there is nothing that he wouldn’t do for me to try to get me well.  He wants to get me well so badly and it kills him so much that he can’t get.  He constantly tells me how he wishes that he could take the disease away from me or that he wishes he could ‘switch places’ with me.  I tell him though that even if he did, he would never be able to handle this.  He may be Superman but he wouldn’t be able to handle this for more than a second.  He would gladly give this back to me immediately.

1655792_10101076228521400_917636827_oBut I only wish I can get better so that I can not only enjoy my life and get back all that was robbed from me by this illness, but I want my dad to be able to enjoy his life as well.  I want to do so much with my dad and I want to be able to even have him around to see me become a doctor, walk me down the aisle, etc., which I know is probably only going to happen when I get well.

So we will be off to Ketamine together in a few hours.  Going for ketamine doesn’t just help me, but in a way it helps dad too because dad is able to finally ‘rest’ when he takes me.  After all, I am there for basically the entire day and therefore he ends up resting and sleeping. What else is there to do while I sleep?  I pack him a snack bag, he brings the paper, and he is all set!  Even though my dad is Superman, even Superman needs to rest at times.  Since he works so very hard and so many hours of the day, at least he gets this time to rest.  In fact, when we went to the vascular surgeon today, he fell asleep waiting for the doctor because he was so tired.  He was so tired that he even was snoring.  I videotaped him to show him because I knew he wouldn’t believe me.  This way I didn’t just have the proof that he was sleeping, but that he was ‘snoring’ too.y dad to be able to enjoy his life as well.  I want to do so much with my dad and I want to be able to even have him around to see me become a doctor, walk me down the aisle, etc., which I know is probably only going to happen when I get well.

I also got an amazing gift today from a dear friend.  I received some little knickknacks that someone made me from scratch.  You know those rainbow looms?  Well, I was fortunate for her to make me quite a few things such as a panda, bracelet, peace sign, etc.  I am so incredibly thankful for the lovely things she made. I’m decorating my IV poles and going to bring then to Mexico with me. This way I have a little touch of home to bring with me for luck!!  I remember reading a book that entailed a girl who had cancer and she built 1000 paper cranes for luck.  Well, I was 1966817_1457097984520534_1650326707_nthinking of doing the same thing but I was going to make 1000 rainbow loom critters.  I was going to then bring them to the hospital with me.  However, not only does it looks very complicated, but it is also expensive, and I don’t have the money to waste on rubber bands.  But it would have been a nice idea to do because not only would it have been nice to bring to the hospital and decorate the IV poles and room, but also it would have given me something to do.

Well… I am going to get going.  I will write more when I know more. Just a tidbit reminder like always that “Help Fallon Fight” Bracelets are still continuing to be sold.  They are $5 and come in pink or blue.  Contact me through Facebook or by emailing Femirsky@gmail.com, if interested.  All money goes towards my medical expenses!  Please also email me if you have any further fundraising ideas.

Thanks again for all your support and encouragement.

Love,
Fallon

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March 4, 2014

1959318_10151995819238284_493937604_nHi-

I am just having one of those weird nights, so I figured that I would write and explain a little what has been happening.  I have received some bad news today and I will be heading in the morning to a vascular surgeon.  So I thought maybe also it might   clear my head a bit and let me sought a few things out because so many things are happening and I am so mixed with so many emotions.  I am not doing well and things are continuing to get worse and worse.  I can’t actually remember being pain free; I mean I can remember a date, but not the feeling. Pain has become the norm; it’s a constant companion.

I am having one of those nights where I want to get better so badly that it hurts.  I want to get better so badly that all I can think of is all the things that I am going to do when I get better.  I just hope that I am able to get that chance.  I have been feeling really down lately to be honest with you… thinking about all the things that this illness has robbed from me.  I don’t even know where to begin with what this illness has done to me.

I never thought my life would be like this. I can’t believe that once led an active life, as I figure skated, rode horses, and even played soccer. Yet, now I am totally incapacitated.   The disease has taken over my entire body and even involves my inner organs, which is extremely rare, and doctors have confirmed that I am the worst case to ever exist. I used to have big plans.  I wanted to get married, have a family, travel, become a doctor so I could help others, etc.  But all this now is put on hold because of this horrendous disease.

I’m having trouble finding the words to even describe how horrible the pain is!  If you name a type of pain, I guarantee I experience it.  I get crushing, burning, tearing, stabbing, slicing, heavy, aching, pulsing, throbbing, shooting, boring, sharp, gnawing, stinging, splitting, exhausting, sickening, suffocating, terrifying, vicious, blinding, intense, unbearable, radiating, piercing, penetrating, tight, cramping, horrible pain. It’s all those things and more. Imagine your hand was doused in gasoline, lit on fire, and then kept that way 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and you knew it was never going to be put out.  That is how my entire body feels all throughout.  RSD is ranked on the McGill Pain Index as the MOST PAINFUL form of pain that exists. To put it in perspective… Arthritis pain is ranked about a 18, Cancer pain a 24, Chronic Back Pain a 26, and then RSD is ranked a whopping 42 a pain that is worst than amputation, childbirth, etc.   The only thing close to the pain I experience on a daily basis is the amputation of a finger and that is quick; my disease is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  It is a pain like no other.

Right now every single muscle in my body is aching. My left leg is cramped up and curled into an awkward position.  My skin is very sensitive and every time something touches my skin it’s agony. Deep in my arms it feels like there’s something shooting through them, tearing everything it passes, along with hot pokers being shoved into my elbows. Then there are my joints, they pop or crack with almost every movement, they swell, they’re stiff, I get too cold they stop moving, I get too hot they stop moving it’s a delicate balance.

I also have severe allodynia, which is extreme sensitivity.  Now, because of the allodynia, any normal touch causes my pain; clothing, the gentle touch of a loved one, a sheet, rain, shower, razor, hairbrush, shoe, someone brushing by me in a crowded hallway, etc. In addition, sounds, especially loud or deep sounds and vibrations, will also cause pain; a school bell, thunder, loud music, crowds, singing, yelling, sirens, traffic, kids screaming, loud wind, even the sound in a typical movie theatre. I am totally sensitive to touch especially on my left leg and foot, and I have spasms throughout my body. I get spasms not only in my body but in my inner organs as well such as my bladder.  It feels like all of the muscles are being torn off the bone. My left foot is so swollen that I can’t wear a sock or shoe. If I hit it on something, the thin skin will split open.

Imagine going through your daily life where everything that you touch, or that touches you, where most every noise around you from a passing car or plane to children playing, causes you pain. In addition to the enormous pain you are already experiencing from RSD itself. Imagine living with that pain and allodynia 24 hours a day, every day, for months, years, and longer.

Besides being in pain all the time, there is so much else that has been robbed from me.  I’ve been on crutches for the longest time and it is only a matter of time until I am forced into a wheelchair, which I have been fighting. I’m unable to weight bear at all on my left leg and I can stand on my right leg for a very limited time but only with a stick and physical support from another person. My left leg is currently in constant spasm.  I can’t eat or drink!  I can’t shower!  I can’t be touched! I can’t sleep! It constantly feels like I am being stabbed with a hot poker. If the weather is humid, my skin turns bright red and is hot to the touch. I constantly get strange glares because of the changes that occur in my skin color. My feet also get extremely cold really quickly, but this isn’t just normal cold, as I am cold right down to your bones. It’s like you’ve been out in the rain in the middle of winter for hours the only thing that will warm you is hot water, which of course I can’t tolerate.

I am just so exhausted, as energy is severely limited, even on a good day. If I do anything for a long time, say an hour or so, and it wears me out even if it’s just sitting on the couch. Every movement draws from my supply of energy, every time I try to concentrate on something it drains some more, I can’t do anything without it affecting my energy levels for the rest of the day and often even for the next couple of days. If I do too much I end up not even being able to sit myself up, I become reliant on my family for everything, it can sometimes take weeks to recover.    I live a life that is alone, watching others flourish while I stay behind in the dust, and a life that is filled with tormenting agony 24/7 because I constantly feel like I am in Hell by being struck with the most horrible pain you can imagine!

Even though I very rarely do get “good days” and living my life seems a bit grim, I am still continuing to push on because I don’t want the “poor me” syndrome.  I desperately want to get better.  I desperately want to regain all the stuff that I lost out on.  I want to be able to have that life that was taken from me and have a family, become a doctor, and do everything else that I dreamed of doing.  Therefore, I am really hoping to be able to undergo that radical ketamine Coma in Mexico.

The radical Ketamine Coma in Mexico is my only chance of living. There really isn’t much else that I can do to combat this illness, as I have tried every other treatment modality. I desperately need that radical ketamine coma in Mexico as soon as possible because it will actually “reset” my entire nervous system and hopefully cure me.  It is like my only hope!  However, we cannot afford it alone, as it will cost over $100,000. That is why I am so desperate for the help of others.  I know that without this coma, I am not going to make it much longer and I really don’t want to die.  I have too much to live for and I really want to get better so badly.  I really want to get better so that I can make a difference in society and get back all that I have been robbed of by having this illness.

But I know I need this help as soon as possible because I am really deteriorating and deteriorating fast. My body is shutting down and I desperately need this lifesaving treatment.  I also need help in paying for my medical expenses, as we can’t afford even the current treatment and medications and appointments that I am receiving in the United States.  I desperately need this treatment to help keep me alive, to keep my as comfortable as possible, as well as to “buy” time until I am able to get to Mexico.  I am supposed to be undergoing the Ketamine Coma May 1st, but if I don’t have the funds, I won’t be able to do it.  Therefore, I am praying that all will work out.  If you have any fundraiser ideas, please don’t hesitate to email me at Femirsky@gmail.com and let me know.  If you can please spread the word about donations needed to save my life, I would appreciate it.

In the meantime, I am progressively getting worse.   I am going in the morning to a vascular surgeon because my left leg is completely black.  We are not sure why it is remaining so black, and we are scared because black means that no oxygen is getting to the tissues and it is dying.  I recently went for Hyperbaric Oxygen treatment in hopes that oxygen can be restored and blood flow could be resumed, but nothing was accomplished.  In fact, I took a before and after picture and there was absolutely no change.  When I actually showed my dad the picture after the treatment, my dad didn’t even realize that it was the “after” picture because there was absolutely no change.  Usually the coloration gets better because the chamber causes more oxygenation into my tissues.  So when I still saw the blackness and that there was absolutely “no change”, I was really scared.

We really need to have it checked out because I don’t want to lose my foot.  Turning black could also mean that it is going “gangrene” and it needs amputation.  This would not be good because you can’t just cut off my leg or anything because this disease is a disease of the central nervous system and therefore, it encompasses the brain, spinal column, and entire nervous system.  So typically if you even amputate the limb or anything… it will continue to spread and even spread even worse.

In addition, I am also scared that the blackness means that there is something wrong with my heart.  I already know that my heart does have problems and is weak.  I did receive my bloods back today and it came back abnormal.  My bloods have gotten worse and one value that worsened as well was the carbon dioxide level, which means that I am not getting enough oxygenation.  So I am scared that this blackness could mean something more seriously wrong with my heart is occurring.

So I guess I will find out in a few hours hopefully what is going on because I have an appointment with the vascular surgeon.  I am really nervous because I really don’t know what to make of the blackness. I am used to changing colors and for my body to even go to black at times, but this is remaining black at all times.  It never has done this before.

I have also been getting sicker in other ways as well and I don’t know if it could mean anything.  I have been extremely weak lately and barely able to even stand up.  I don’t know if it is because of my illness or because maybe because I have lost weight, which is a major problem because any weight being lost when you only weigh in the 60s is a major problem.  It is really a matter of life and death when you lose even an ounce.  I definitely can’t afford for that to happen.  I just can’t keep my weight on.  I also am having a hard time going to the bathroom, as I think my kidneys might also be failing me. They have had problems in the past and I was on medications for them, but it has gotten a lot worse.  I am going to have to make an appointment with the kidney doctor now because of all that is occurring.

Gosh… so much is happening… between going to see the vascular surgeon, having to now see the kidney doctor, and I still have to find out what to do about my intestines because I am bleeding and can’t go to the bathroom either. I am just so tired already.  I am holding on and pushing forth, but I am weakening.  I really need to remain as strong as possible for the Coma, but it is getting harder and harder.  That is why I also need to have it ASAP.  I can’t afford to put the coma off longer than May 1st.  My body won’t make it much longer.  So as I said before, any help that you can give in helping me get the necessary funds for the treatment, I would really appreciate.

At least tomorrow, Wednesday, I will be out of pain for the most part.  I have a ketamine infusion/coma for the day.  Even though it definitely doesn’t last, at least it takes me out of pain for the time that I am “under”.  I will take any relief that I can get.  We are also hoping that even though it doesn’t last long with the pain relief, we are still hoping that it slows down the progression of the illness.  I need a dose that is so much higher and that is not FDA approved.  That is why I need to go to Mexico to get that amount!  Sometimes I only wish that I could live in a ketamine coma because at least I won’t be in pain!  I can’t take the pain anymore.

1975211_10151992893038284_929536637_nWell… I am going to get some rest.  I will let you know what happens with the vascular surgeon and the other appointments when I know more info.  Thanks again for all your help and support.  Remember… “Help Fallon Fight” Bracelets are still continuing to be sold.  They are $5 and come in pink or blue.  Contact me through Facebook or by emailing Femirsky@gmail.com, if interested.  All money goes towards my medical expenses!

Love,

Fallon

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March 1, 2014

1960863_10101072122674550_243672935_oHi!

Thank you to everyone who helped to make the fundraiser that was held on Thursday, February 27th at the Melrose Ballroom a success.  Thank you to all the thoughtful and caring people who braved the cold and came to this event.  I just want to thank everyone for his or her thoughtful donations, as well as to the people of the Melrose Ballroom for hosting this event.  I want to personally thank Maria Tsikos Messados and Theoni Symeonides for putting the event all together.  This night would have definitely not have been possible if it wasn’t for you.  A special thank you also goes to Ioannis Spyropoulos for that wonderful poem that you wrote and flyer that you made. You are like angels sent to me.   I know I just gotta hang in there… which I know is easier said than done… but I know that if I do… you will make Mexico happen! Even though I don’t have an official total of how much we raised, I know it was a very successful night, as I believe we raised over $10,000.

1780100_10101072127195490_1599715703_oEven though it was the coldest night of the week (a reading of only 10 degrees), no one would ever know it from the warmth of all the people and the heat being generated within the ballroom.  It was such an amazing night that was filled with great entertainment, dancing, raffles, etc. It was such a great night to see all the people that came out to support me and help me in getting the treatment that I so desperately need because without it, I will definitely die.  I’m fighting and holding on because of you. Thanks for trying to make my dream of having another chance of life happen through the lifesaving treatment that I need in Mexico!! I know that with all of this support and with all of you behind me, I will be able to get the much-needed medical treatment.

In addition, I also want to thank you for putting a smile on my face.  It put a smile on a face that hasn’t smiled in such a log time. I can’t honestly say I remember the last time I had some “fun”!  But I must say that by attending this event, I had the time of my life and I actually got to be able to feel somewhat “normal.” For a few hours I got to forget my worries and have a little “fun” even though I was at a function for my illness.

1025953_10101072123098700_51764630_oGoing to this fundraiser was like living in a dream.  The time went by so fast.  I loved being able to meet all of the people who support me and are behind me, as well as I enjoyed the great entertainment that took place within the Melrose Ballroom.  There was so much doing inside between the DJ, raffles, food, drinks, dancing, etc.  Even the speech that was made by Theoni and Ioannis brought tears to my eyes.  My dad also was amazed with all the people who came out, introduced themselves to us, and showed their support.   He also never gets out to have a “good” time as his life consists of working 6 days a week, taking me to appointments, trying to hold the family together, and taking care of me.  He is one amazing man and my superhero.  It is amazing with all that he manages to be able to do because he gets up at 3 AM and doesn’t coming home from work until 6:30 PM.  So for him to actually be able to go out, relax, and have a good time…it was nice to see that as well.

1966121_10101072127360160_324134382_oIn addition, I was really touched and really amazed when someone who won courtside tickets to the NETS game gave them to us. It was such an unselfish act that he did and I can’t thank him enough.  Due to the financial burden of my illne

ss, I can’t remember the last time my family was able to even go out to do anything.  We don’t even go out to dinner.  Yet, now we had in our hands 2 courtside tickets to the NETS game. The tickets are for seats right behind home basket, which are really great seats.  Thanks again to the very thoughtful person who gave them to us.

I only hope that perhaps we can do another fundraiser like this before Mexico because it was highly successful and it was such a great and FUN night!  Thanks again to everyone who came out and supported me.  Yet, even though plenty of money

was raised, we are still a long way off to being able to afford the medical treatment that I need in Mexico.  I also still need money to be able to afford the medical treatment, medicine, and appointments that I need currently so that I am even able to go to Mexico to get that Coma.  So if you can think of any other fundraisers or can still continue to spread the word that donations are needed… it would be much appreciated.  Please let me know if you have any other additional fundraising ideas.

1614425_10101072122854190_273574838_o

I desperately need to get help!  I also desperately need to get help now to “buy” me time and to keep me strong enough to go to Mexico.  I am trying to keep up my strength as much as possible, but the truth of the matter is that I am rapidly deteriorating.  I can’t get to Mexico fast enough.  Not only am I in the most excruciating pain imaginable 24/7, but I am bleeding from somewhere inside, my autonomic dysfunction is out-of-control, I am having difficulty eating or swallowing even the littlest things I was consuming before, I am aspirating, I am having difficulty breathing, and my limbs are turning blacker than ever and remaining black (which means the tissues are dying because there is no blood flow and lack of oxygen).

I went for a hyperbaric oxygen treatment today in hopes that it might help because my limbs are turning blacker than usual.  I am used to discoloring and changing color in a split second, as I can range in coloration from normal to blue to red to purple to black.  I am just one colorful person.  However, it is now at the point that my limbs are just staying black, especially my left leg and foot.  Whereas it resumed somewhat normal coloration at certain times or fluctuated between the colors, it is now a deeper black and remains that black without fluctuations.  Even raising the limb, which usually helps in the coloration isn’t doing anything! It really scares me because I am so afraid that it is going gangrene or that it might have to be amputated.

The doctors were always worried about gangrene and amputation because of the lack of blood flow caused by this illness throughout my body. Therefore, they were always scared that if I got an infection it would be a major problem because it could easily lead to gangrene.  In addition, they even said that if I got better, it could still be possible because all throughout these years the tissues were being deprived of oxygen.  However, I never focused on it because I didn’t wanna think it was going to happen.  I was also really careful not to get an infection despite all the ulcers that I kept getting on my feet and legs because of my illness.

We were hoping that the hyperbaric oxygen would have restored the circulation to the left leg and foot that has been remaining black.  After all, when you get hyperbaric oxygen, you get pure oxygen.  This causes lungs to be able to gather up like 3 or more times of oxygen than would be possible.  It promotes healing because your blood carries this oxygen throughout your body, stimulating the release of substances called growth factors and stem cells, which promote the healing.

1658386_10101073123154580_1744953297_oI refused to look at the leg while I was in the chamber.  I didn’t want to know until it was all done.  After I was done and taken out of the chamber, I waited awhile until I looked because I knew how important it was to see normal coloration. I knew from the past that whenever I went into the hyperbaric chamber, it would help in the coloration. I knew though that if it was still black, it was not a good sign because it meant that something was seriously wrong.  I was so worried that something was wrong because my heart has been so weak lately and when the heart is not working right and has difficulty pumping, it causes the limbs to go black since they are the furthest from the heart.  It also could mean that I had a clot or some other problem.

However, when I took a deep breath and finally looked, I was disheartened to see that my leg looked exactly the same.  I took a picture so that I could show the doctor what it looks like right after the hyperbaric chamber, which ideally should have been the time that it was actually better.  In fact, when I showed my dad the picture later on, he thought that I was actually showing him the picture before I had the treatment.  I was like “no dad… this is how my leg is now!”

So now we don’t know what to do.  We just know that we are scared because there is definitely something wrong.  We have to get to a doctor ASAP.  Even the people at the hyperbaric chamber told us to go and seek the help ASAP.  So we need to make an appointment with a vascular surgeon.  I just hope we can find one that is familiar with my condition (which is a battle in itself because they need to be sought of familiar with my neurological condition since it affects circulation and everything on the autonomic and sympathetic nervous system), as well as one that has an appointment available.  After all, doctors are usually all booked up and to get an appointment, they usually make you wait for some time… time we don’t have to wait.  So I guess first thing Monday morning I will be making phone calls because there is nothing I can basically do today since it is the weekend.  I am just so scared because I don’t want to lose my leg. This disease has robbed me so much of everything… I don’t want it to take my leg physically too.

Wanna hear something funny though?  Not only do I get to rest and watch TV during the treatment, but also so does my dad.  Sometimes I really like going for treatments because it actually gives my dad time to rest since he is always working like a dog.  He works so many hours a day and he barely rests.  He works so hard just to be able to provide for us, as his job isn’t even just sitting behind a desk. He is constantly on his feet and doing physical work.  He is up at 3 AM and doesn’t go to bed until 11 by the time he gets home, eats dinner, cleans up, and takes care of me.  So even though he is my Superman, there is still only so much he can take without having to “rest!”  Plus, it isn’t where he is a youngster either, as he is at the age of 60.

So at least when I go for the treatments such as hyperbaric or ketamine… not only do I get to rest, but so does my dad.  When I go for ketamine, my dad gets to sleep the entire day away.  After all, what else is there to do anyway because I am there the entire day and there is only so much that he can do besides stare at me?  When we go for hyperbaric, it isn’t quite as long and therefore, he usually watches television and reads the paper.  However, we caught him snoozing today and the person that works the chambers actually got a picture of him sleeping.  When I came out of the chamber and said, “Did you have a nice nap?” he of course denied sleeping.  But when I showed him the picture… all he could say was “oops!  Maybe I did sleep for a bit!”

In addition, I have a ketamine infusion scheduled for Wednesday. I have been in so much pain lately (even more than usual) and I just can’t take it anymore.  At least Wednesday I will get a day of relief because I will be able to ‘rest.’  I always call the days when I go for ketamine my ‘vacation days’ because that is the only time I really get to escape my illness.

I also have bloods on Monday.  I am really nervous because I haven’t been feeling well.  I wonder how much they have fallen because of the fact that I feel worse than usual.  My bloods have definitely not been good lately and definitely can’t afford to get worse.  So I don’t even want to think about that happening.

Gosh… I can’t believe it is March 1st already.  May 1st, which is when I am scheduled to hopefully undergo the radical Ketamine Coma in Mexico is just around the corner.  I really hope I’ll be able to raise enough funds by then to be able to have it.  It really would be a dream come true.  I know I am getting weaker by the day, but I just have to hang in til then.  I have been trying to stay as strong as possible, but it is hard.  I have been blowing up balloons so to try to strengthen up my lungs because they are so very weak and have been having extremely difficult time breathing. The doctors are afraid that my lungs will become even weaker when I am on the ventilators and as a result, it will make it even more difficult to come off the ventilators.

Well… I just want to thank everyone again for making the fundraiser a success.  Whether it was through the fundraiser at the Melrose Ballroom or another way that a contribution was made to me, I want to thank you again for all your donations and support.

“Help Fallon Fight” Bracelets are still continuing to be sold.  They are $5 and come in pink or blue.  Contact me through Facebook or by emailing Femirsky@gmail.com, if interested.  All money goes towards my medical expenses!

Well… until next time!

Love,

Fallon

Below is the poem that was written for me at the fundraiser!!

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